Beth was a friend I lost contact with for a while. When I reconnected with her, she had a child with no husband or boyfriend. I didn’t ask her about it at first but we talked. The more we talked the more my feelings of friendship developed into romantic feelings. By then she had also gotten used to talking to me about every aspect of her life. That was when I asked her, “Where is the father of your child?” She told me, “He is nowhere near me. I am the only parent this child knows.”
I also had a child of my own so why should I judge a woman for being a single mother? When I was sure of my feelings for her, I confessed my love for her. She said she loved me too. We had a beautiful relationship for almost three years and then we got married.
At the beginning of our marriage, we were living in my family’s home. All things were peaceful until I rented an apartment. When we relocated, my wife started complaining. She said, “Honey, this place you got is too far away from my workplace. I can’t make the commute every day.” I thought it was something she was just saying to rant so I didn’t take it to heart.
One day my wife went to work and didn’t return home. She went to her mother’s place. When I spoke to her, she said it was easier to go to work from there. The next day was the same story. She was there for an entire week. I was concerned but she came home that weekend. She spent the week that followed coming home from work. This gave me the impression that her mother’s house didn’t work for her. I found out I was wrong.
The next week was spent with her mother again. It became an unspoken arrangement. She would stay with me for a week, and go live with her mother for another week. This arrangement did not please me. I confronted her about it and she got angry. Maybe she didn’t like the way I approached her so she got defensive.
Marriage is work and I believe the work is harder when the couple lives apart. My wife running shifts with our home and her mother’s place took a toll on our marriage. She started to feel distant. We were together but I couldn’t feel her anymore. I don’t know how to explain it but when you know someone you can always detect it when something is different about her.
I didn’t want her to keep spending days with her mother so I rented a new place closer to her workplace. By taking away her excuse to leave home, she should now be home, right? It rather made things worse. My wife would visit me for four days and spend the rest of the days with her mother.
As if we didn’t have enough problems already, I found out she has been talking to her baby daddy. They don’t just chitchat, they talk morning and evening, for an average of twenty minutes. When you are in a ship that’s taking water, you don’t poke more holes in it. Unfortunately, my wife didn’t get this. We are having problems with our living arrangements and there she was, entertaining the man who knocked her up and abandoned her.
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This time around too, I confronted her. She got furious. “I have a child with him so what’s wrong if I talk to him? After all, I didn’t tell you he is dead.” I will be glad to relinquish the responsibility of their child to the baby daddy if that’s why he is back in the picture. What I don’t understand is why they talk for so long. What at all are they talking about?
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I am her husband. If there is something she needs to consistently discuss with her baby daddy, shouldn’t she tell me about it? When I tried to push her response was, “I am done with this marriage.” Just like that? How can you end something we’ve taken years to build just because you are not happy that I have a problem with your relationship with your ex?
When I told my family about her decision to leave the marriage, my wife got angry with me. At this point, I am even sure that when I breathe in her direction, she will get angry. I don’t know what else she wants from me. I do my best to make her happy but she seems unhappy with almost everything. What do I do? I am going through so much.
—Darcy
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Sometime the way we approach things also counts. Approach the issues calmly. A chaotic mind can’t reason well. Two what makes you think she was going to her mother’s house? If I were you on the days she claims she is at her mother’s place pay your mother in law a visit. The issue is much deeper than you think it is. Her attitude is clearly red. If the talking calmly won’t do then bring in an elderly person. Stop telling her to stop communicating with her baby daddy. It will worsen things. Leave her to do her thing but give her an ultimatum to change the aspect of her life you don’t want and if still her behaviour isn’t changing then divorce it is. Don’t trust anyone blindly even your wife. Humans always disappoint each other.
You funked up big time. How can a woman you are married to claim she has to spend part of her time with her mother because it is closer to her work place. Now you have gone to all length to resolve her challenge by. renting a new place which resolves her challenge but her mother’s place is still easier for her. Have you considered that her creating this scenario gives her room to evade accountability with respect to where you can locate her easily? You are been a week man. If she insist on continuing this path, just dissolve this fascade of a marriage and be free. She should go back yo her baby daddy.
Please grant her a divorce sir. She is ungrateful
If honestly this is the truth then she doesn’t love you anymore, don’t force things give her space, I know it’s hard but try your best to be happy. Give her time and she will regret her actions
Communication is key in any relationship. Did you involve her in the location of the new apartment? If she had agreed with you right from the onset she would have tolerated the distance. Did you admit and apologize for the stress this move was causing her? And when you decided to relocate to a closer place did you consult her? Today’s woman is a different creature from the yesteryear woman who took instructions willy nilly. Your frustration are justified but will only exacerbate the situation. She has found better communication in her baby daddy and if you still love her you have to put in the spade work and win her back. First step is to apologize for the lack of communication and put all the hurt behind you.
Sammy, address the issue and stop bringing extraneous non-factual angles into the this discussion. Have you considered that the new living apartment rented could be disadvantages the man but he is doing it out of love? What happened to civilians human beings showing gratitude and contentment for gifts and care other people, whether family or friends afford them?
She has no excuse to be talking on a daily basis with her ex. There is nothing to apologize for. Just ask her to go and file for divorce, if that’s what she wants. It will hurt, but it will end your frustration if you just ignore and forget about her. Let her go back to the other man, if she wants to.
George you are right. When you marry, you try to create you own home. Because young couples do not have enough money, they often have to get accommodation that is at the outskirt of the city inorder to afford a nice large enough living space. Off course the trade off is longer trekking distance to town and wirking offices. A woman who loves you will understand the economic decisions you are putting in place to secure a good future for the entire family. If the distance is the issue, why is she not content and been grateful for you looking for a place closer to her work place but perhaps now farther away from your work place but will continue to always ‘stay’ at her mother’s place. It is not difficult to see this helps her to avoid accountability. Did she not go to see the new apartment before you relocated? What involvement does she crave for again. Be a man and let her go. There is nothing more frustrating and back stabbing than a born one who will not cooperate to help build a beautiful home.