At the time I started dating Tie in 2019, he had moved outside the country. The only time I had seen him before then was in 2016 when he passed by my shop and stopped to buy airtime from me. Our friendship didn’t begin that day but he made quite an impression on me. Occasionally, he came to mind. Then Facebook brought him into my inbox.

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He told me he was making preparations to relocate to Ghana soon. It was the reason I agreed to be with him. That soon turned into years of waiting. Every year came with the same story, “Babe, I am making plans to return in December. We will be together soon.”

He kept singing this anthem until he finally returned home a year ago. Although he is not my first boyfriend, he is the first man I ever spent a night with. And the truth is, I wanted to ghost him when he first got back.

You see, he didn’t meet my expectations physically. I believe if he takes good care of himself he will look nice. He doesn’t. His fashion sense is all over the place. He smells awful too. I tried to look beyond the superficial and connect with him on an intellectual level. It was a disaster. His way of thinking does not appeal to me. Let’s just say that everything about this man caught me off guard. I thought I knew him all that time the relationship was long-distance.

Anyway, I didn’t ghost him. I felt I had waited for him for years. “Maybe if I am a little patient, he will grow on me,” I thought.

My sister also advised me to stay and help him be the man I want. I took her advice. I’ve bought him trousers, shirts, perfumes, pomades, colognes, and even soap just so he could smell good. Nothing has changed.

When we go out, especially to my workplace, people sometimes mistake him for my younger brother or even my employee. People close to me don’t believe it when I tell them he is four years older than me. I’ve sat him down several times to talk about how his lifestyle makes me feel. He tells me he will work on it but we are still at square one.

I’ve realised he’s never really had anyone to look up to when he was growing up. He is 32 now, is it too late for him to change?

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The mistake I made was agreeing to live with him. We even rented a place together. I wake up every day to all the things that bug me about him.

My consolation is that he has a good heart. He’s caring, helpful, and very supportive. He even helps with my business, goes with me to sell, and supervises my workers.

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If only he presented himself pleasantly, he would have been perfect for me. How do I make him the man I want? I want to make him understand that his attitude and appearance are making me lose confidence when I’m with him.

I feel so bad trying to fix him. I have decided that if things remain the same by December, I will move to another region and stay there for a while. I want to see if some distance will help us find a common ground.

—Constance

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