My husband’s sister came to live with us some time ago. I knew she was trouble when she came in but I was ready to tolerate her because of the love I have for my husband. She came in very humble. She called my name with sister. “Sister Priscilla.” She woke up early before anyone else to clean the house and prepare meals. I always said thank you to her and bought her a gift whenever I was coming from town. I even took her shopping when needed.

And then she started putting up an attitude because she felt I was spending her brother’s money without adding any value to her brother’s life. She made this statement in a phone conversation with one of her relatives. She thought I had gone out. I heard everything but didn’t confront her or told my husband about it.

My job went online after Covid so I always work from home. Because of that, I used the opportunity to secure another minor job that would bring in another income. I earn more than my husband. My husband knows it so when it comes to taking care of the house and building projects for us, I spend more than my husband does. I don’t remember the last time I asked for housekeeping money from him. I don’t remember asking him to pay any bills or buy anything for me. We split the rent because he insisted he wanted to pay. We understand each other that way and love what we’ve built.

My husband doesn’t have a car. My company gave me a car when I was an office worker. After Covid, I bought the car from the company when they wanted to sell it. I work from home so I don’t need the car. My husband goes to work with the car every day until I have runs to do in town during the week. My husband’s sister told their brother on the phone that I’ve turned their brother into a yes man. Whatever I say, he obeys to the extent that I tell him not to go to work with his own car.

I was entering the house from town when I overheard her talking on the phone. “I know she’s a witch but that her witchcraft can’t affect me. I’ll match her boot for boot. How can a jobless woman like her determine when my brother should use a car and when not to?”

When she heard my footsteps, she mentioned the name of who she was talking to and said bye-bye.

When my husband came, I told him to advise his sister without telling him the details. If I did, the girl would have been out of our house the following morning. I didn’t want that to happen. Issues like these, when you don’t handle them tactically, can backfire and send a whole family into an unnecessary war of words. I told my husband, “Talk to your sister. She doesn’t understand how we run this home so she makes certain comments I don’t want to hear from her. Just talk to her.”

My husband got angry and started screaming, “What is she saying? Has she insulted you? Has she disrespected you? Let me know and she would be gone the next second.” I calmed him down. “You see I’m not angry,” I said. “That’s because what she said didn’t get to me. I know it comes from a place of ignorance. Just talk to her patiently and she’ll get your message.”

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The next day, I was in my room when I heard a conversation between a brother and sister. He wasn’t angry. He was calm. He called me to come so I joined them. He pointed at me and told his sister, “You see this woman right here? I’m who I am today because of her. You are here with us because she agreed to house you. She likes you very much so don’t do or say anything to disrespect her. If that happens, I won’t have any option but to….”

I cut in before he could throw the bomb;  “It won’t get there dear. She heard what you said. We’ll be fine.”

Things got worse. She stopped doing everything she used to do in the house waiting for me to tell her before she would do it with a frown. I’m not handicapped. I used to handle my affairs very well before she came around. I would cook for my husband and ensure there’s nothing left for her to eat. I wasn’t going to cook for her. When she continued, I stopped stocking the kitchen and only bought what we needed for the house. The next person who came to war with me was her mother.

When she called my husband was there. I showed him the call and happily said, “It’s your mom calling me.” Immediately I picked up the call, and without greetings and any pleasantries, she plunged into me. She said she knew everything that was going on in the house and if I didn’t take care, I wouldn’t be happy in my husband’s house. “How can a jobless woman like you dictate for my son and daughter? Do you know how he suffers before he puts food on the table? He has come crying to me on several occasions about your laziness. If you don’t take care, it won’t end well.”

My husband was looking at my changed demeanour and was asking what the issue was. Until that day, I hadn’t had any issues with his mother. I respect her so much I deal with her with utmost reverence. When I hung up the call, I went to the bedroom and my husband followed. I told him everything with tears in my eyes. He said, “Don’t worry, I will talk to her myself but tomorrow, my sister will leave.”

I didn’t interfere. I was tired of her envy and backbiting. My husband was shouting at her, “What have you been telling Mom? You told her my wife was jobless? You’re not even smart. If you were, you would have known she works 24/7  on her laptop. Or you think she watches movies when she’s on her laptop? You’re leaving tomorrow. Get your things ready.”

After that, he called his mom. He was very patient and calm but you could hear his mom screaming on the phone. All my husband was saying was, “Mom is not true. She has been lying to you. I don’t even have a car so what are you talking about?”

The conversation didn’t go well. It looked like his mom cut the call before he could finish explaining himself. I told him not to send his sister away but should rather go home and explain things to his mother. He asked if I would go with him and I said no. He said he wasn’t going to leave me and his sister alone in the house. I assured him, “Don’t worry about me. I can handle her. I’m a woman.”

When my husband was gone over the weekend to handle his mom, I used the opportunity to educate his sister on what goes on in our home. I sat her down explaining every detail of our lives to her, including how we manage our finances and everything. I told her, “You’re not a child. You’ll marry one day and won’t be happy if this goes on in your house.”

She was calm but it didn’t look like she believed me. I knew she was set in her ways but I was happy to have told her my truth. My husband went on Saturday and called on Sunday morning that he was on his way coming. In the middle of the day, his mother called me, “It’s sad what you’ve turned my son into but know that it’s not going to be forever. You’re a woman. Do what women do, that’s the most important thing.”

“Do what women do”

What do women do? They give birth. We’ve been married for four years and don’t have children. That is also one of the decisions took. We agreed we would not have kids until three years after marriage. I was in school when we got married. My husband’s job at the time wasn’t paying that well. We wanted to put our house in order before the arrival of the kids. His mom didn’t know that so she thought I was not fertile. When my husband came I told him what his mother had said and he cried. He apologized to me and asked me not to take it in.

We woke up one morning and realized his sister was gone. Everything she owned wasn’t in her room. He called her but she didn’t pick up. He called his mom and his mom told him his sister was going home because she instructed her to. Since then, we haven’t known peace. His mom has made it clear to me that she doesn’t want to see me anywhere around her. Nothing should bring me to her house because she doesn’t recognize me as her in-law.

Everything goes from bad to worse. My husband’s cousin called me one day to ask what was going on and I explained everything to him. He told me not to take things lightly because the family was scheming against me. My husband thinks they can’t do anything so I should relax. I want to bring my parents into the issue, which will escalate everything. My mom is overly protective of us. If she gets to know this it will generate a huge feud but at this stage, I don’t mind. But my husband says I shouldn’t. I should rather trust him to handle his family.

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This issue has been going on for over seven months. It doesn’t look like it’s going to end anytime soon. I’m the one they call to abuse. I’m the one they blame for everything. I don’t know what the future holds but what I’m experiencing now makes me scared of the future. What should I do on a personal level to calm down the waters?

—Priscilla

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