I’m a 37-year-old single woman. Somehow, I’ve been able to handle the internal and social pressures of not being married at my age. I’ve made peace with where I am in life, or at least I’m trying to.
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What I’m struggling with is something nobody wants to talk about: the desire for emotional and physical intimacy.
My ovulation periods are difficult times for me. I’m constantly dealing with intense sexual urges, and it frustrates me deeply. Sometimes I touch myself just to make the urge go away, but it’s hardly enough. I don’t want to use objects because I’m afraid it might create problems for me if marriage comes. What if I become dependent on them? What if I can’t enjoy intimacy with a real person?
I’m a Christian woman. I’ve avoided sex outside marriage all this while. Even outside of religious reasons, I can’t bring myself to be sexually intimate with someone I haven’t built that level of connection with. My faith and my values matter to me.
I hear a lot of sermons about sexual purity, mostly directed toward young people. But nothing about how people like me should deal with these strong sexual urges. People I speak to, including pastors and men of God, can’t help with anything practical. I feel like they can’t relate, so I keep quiet and suffer alone.
They say masturbation is a sin. But if that’s true, what are we supposed to do with these very real, very human urges? Why is no one talking about this? Where is the space for women like me to find guidance that honours both biology and belief? So what should we do? Just suffer in silence? Pray it away and hope it works? Get married to the first person who shows interest just to have a “legitimate” outlet?
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I’m not asking for permission to sin. I’m asking for honesty, for empathy, and for practical wisdom. Because holiness doesn’t mean numbness. And purity shouldn’t feel like punishment.
—Hannah
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Hi Hannah,
Pls see 1Corinthians 7:9
Instead of falling into sexual sin, why not get married and enjoy this precious gift from God?
You’re 37, you have done excellently well keeping urself all these years. You dare not fail.
Shalom!!!
The bible says ‘marriage is honourable with the bed undefiled’ find solace in GOD and dont make the mistake of being vulnerable to any man pls
Hmm, a lot of Christians are going through this lust silently. sexual desire is not a sin, God created it purposefully, but how to deal with it is the problem, the best option is to get married, which is also another bizarre. my advice is prepare as soon as possible to get married, if not try to control your lust but in a case that u fall prey to it, wake up immediately, pray and confess to God then move on with life. Thinking more about this may affect you psychologically and spiritually. Prayers and fasting, the word of God and mastering self control may help reduce it. To overcome this u need to marry
Terrible condition I understand because I pass through the same world but all in all my sister you have to persevere or else you will sin the Bible also shows us that Jesus passed in such hard times but he stood all the pain to me I understood that holiness is a condition full of trials and temptation just keep your hope in Jesus to guide you through dear you are not alone in the struggle
I’ve skipped commenting hoping someone else will offer the answers but I realize we are all clueless. It’s a real conundrum especially if you naturally have a high libido! Get more sociable and socializing should help identify a good match. Don’t act desperate else you could end up worse.
Thanks@SAMMY