My husband’s girlfriend has four children and got divorced only a year ago. I suspect she was dating my husband even when she was married. She is bigger than I am and has a hanging tummy. She’s two years older than my husband, judging from the age she stated when celebrating her 40th birthday.

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I’m not trying to body-shame her but trying to make a point. We have two kids and I remember after our first child, I gained a little bit of weight. My husband was always on me, reminding me of how big I’d become and the need to lose the weight and also make my tummy return to normal.

I nearly decided not to have another child but the second one came and I didn’t gain much weight. My tummy was his problem and I remember one day he shouted at me to cover it because I was outside.

After seeing this lady he was dating, I looked to the heavens and shook my head. “He can date someone this size and was on me about the little weight I gained.” The day I laid down my investigative work, he was shocked at how I could find out so much within such a short time.

I asked him, “I know what she has that I don’t have but were you not the same person who embarrassed me every day for having these same features this woman has?”

He said he was sorry and didn’t know what the woman used to blind him into falling for her. No accountability whatsoever. I’ve been living in one of my parents’ houses now, trying to clear my mind and see what next to do. I call it separation. He hates it because to him, we are still together.

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I’m asking, if a man tells you he wants A, how would you know he truly wants A and not B that he actually wants? If I go back to him, how would I trust his choices, his likes, and the things he doesn’t like? He would tell me he likes white and I would be thinking, “Is it not black he’s talking about?”

How do you make a man content with what you give him?

—Nuella 

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