I’ve been dating Trig since 2023. We are nearing three years in the relationship. I love him with all my heart. And I respect both him and our relationship. In the beginning, he was very romantic. He called me endlessly, and gave me all the attention I wanted from him.

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After one and a half years together, he changed. He no longer called or texted unless I reached out first. He has been acting as if what we have is casual. Even when I bring up serious issues, he brushes them aside with a simple “Okay.” I once asked if I was bothering him, but he said no.

When I say I love him, I mean it. I’d give my life for him. Despite being a student, I’m very independent. I never ask him for money. In fact, I’ve paid his rent, hospital bills (he’s asthmatic and needs regular medication), food, and other necessities. I’ve even given him money for church offerings without complaint. I do it because it makes me happy to help him.

However, he has only ever given me 100 Kenyan shillings since we started dating. When he invites me over, I pay for my own transport. Basically, he has never celebrated me. Valentine’s Days come and go without a single compliment. Girlfriends’ days pass without a word from him.

He never posts me. He would rather post a little girl he says is his sister’s daughter. She appears on his DP and status 24/7. On my last birthday, I was in Nairobi for student leadership work. The night before, I spoke to him at length. I hoped he’d remember but he didn’t. I decided not to remind him, seeing as this was my third birthday with him. In the morning, I posted myself on my status wishing myself a happy birthday. He saw it but said nothing. That broke me.

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When I returned to school, he asked me to visit his home. His father has passed away, and his mother lives in the city with his elder siblings. He lives with his two younger siblings who are in secondary school. I spoke briefly to his grandmother, despite the language barrier.

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While I was there, I noticed he spent a lot of time on calls with other people but when we are apart, he claims he is too busy to call me. I asked myself why he calls others but not me. I had planned to stay four days, but on the third morning, he came up with an excuse that was clearly meant to send me away. I didn’t argue; I simply called my mom to send me transport money. I was disappointed because, while at his home, he only had time for me when he wanted intimacy.

Sometimes I feel he’s just buying my trust by taking me to his home, but he doesn’t truly love me. I want a man who will love me openly and show it. I’m tired of being tied to this rope called a relationship. If I don’t say “good morning” or “good night,” he doesn’t even notice. I feel used.

battle.

—Esme

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