Most relationships start in a particular manner. Boy meets girl. Boy sweeps girl off her feet. They fall in love. Then they get married and move in together. Or in some cases, they skip the marriage and move in together first. In my case, we started from what is usually at the end of the list. We moved in together first.

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Sheila’s sister, Ernestina is my friend. It was Ernestina who called to ask me for a favour. “My sister is stranded. She needs a place to stay. Can you take her in?”

I easily agreed because I didn’t consider it an inconvenience. I lived alone and could afford the space to take her in.

When she moved in things were platonic. She did chores around the house and so did I. I don’t know how it happened but I grew fond of her. I wanted us to be more than friends. I told her how I felt and her response gave me hope. While she didn’t say yes, she didn’t exactly turn me down.

She said, “I’m not in the headspace for a relationship right now but give me time to think about it.”

Within that week, we had intimacy twice. I even told Ernestina about my intentions toward her sister. Just as I proposed to Sheila, I let Ernestina know I was ready to make preparations for marriage as soon as her sister said yes. She assured me should talk to her.

While I was busy trying to help Sheila get a job, one of my friends said he was looking for someone to cook for him. I recommended Sheila, and my friend paid her for her services. After that job, I noticed she was in touch with my friend.

When I asked what was going on between them, she said nothing. I did everything to prove that I am the one for her. I succeeded in helping her get a job. After work, she would go to my friend’s place and stay there till 11 PM or midnight.

I told her her actions were hurting me. “You know how I feel about you. So what am I supposed to do when you spend all your free time with my friend?”

Once again, she assured me that they were just friends. “All we do is talk when I go over there.”

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After her fourth visit over there, it all came crashing down. She came home one day and told me, “Steve and I are now dating, I want you to know.”

I was so heartbroken. I still am heartbroken. I don’t know why she didn’t want me. Maybe she thought I was trying to take advantage of her because she is living with me, but that is not the case. I have been clear with her that my feelings are genuine. I did everything a man is supposed to do to prove he can take care of a woman. Financially, I provided. At home too, I washed her clothes and cooked for her. Why was it not enough?

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Now she is seeing my friend while still living with me. I want to move on but her presence is not helping. I haven’t been able to eat for two days now. At first, I used to look at videos of men who got their hearts broken. Their tears and melancholic behaviour always had me going, “What’s this?” Now I understand that they really were not being dramatic.

I have been thinking about having a conversation with Sheila. I would tell her that since she is dating Steve, she should move in with him. If I am not seeing her every day, it would fast-track my healing process. Would I be right to ask her to move out?

battle.

—James 

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