I sort of proposed to this guy. We met in church in November 2022. We became friends who were always talking, and feelings grew as expected. I was actually waiting for him to say the word, and it looked like he wasn’t going to say it, so I did. I was the one who said, “I wish I can be your girlfriend.” He responded by asking, “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” I then asked if he was asking me out, and he said yes. So I told him I would love to be his girlfriend, and that was how we started our relationship sometime in 2023.
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Couples usually talk and text every day, but that was not the case with this guy. Our communication was very poor, and I was always complaining about it. One day, after I had complained again, he asked me, “Do you want us to go back to being friends? We have just started talking, and you are already giving me problems.”
We went back to being friends but eventually returned to dating. Feelings, they say, don’t die, but since we returned to being boyfriend and girlfriend, one thing has never changed: the problem we have with communication.
We never talked about ourselves, our future, what our relationship meant to us, or where it was heading. Our talks were always limited to questions like, “How are you?” “What did you eat?” “How was your day?” and “What did you do?” Nothing went beyond that.
I can’t have deep conversations with him because his responses would make me lose interest in having such conversations altogether. Most of the time, I am the one who visits him at home. He has never once asked me to come over, although he wouldn’t turn me down if I said I wanted to visit. He has never told me, “I love you.” I am always the one saying it, and he simply responds. If I complain, he asks me what the difference is between saying “I love you” and “I love you too.” He would even ask what I expected him to do if he didn’t respond.
It is the same with “I miss you.” He only says it in response to me. Because of all this, I am always left doubting his feelings for me. This guy has never made any physical advances towards me, not even holding my hand. I am not ready for sex at the moment, so I don’t mind that. However, I believe he should at least be able to hug me sometimes or hold my hand. We have hugged and held hands before, but I was always the one initiating it.
I am constantly wondering whether he genuinely loves me.
Aside from all these issues, he is a very kind person, and I won’t lie about that. He sends me money without me asking, and even when I ask, he still gives me some. I also like gifting him. Whenever I see something nice that I think would look good on him, I get it for him.
He also cooks for me whenever I visit and doesn’t allow me to do it, even when I offer. But despite all these good qualities, the things I have mentioned still make me question where I stand in his life. We could go the entire day without talking. Sometimes, he travels for work and doesn’t even tell me beforehand. He tells me he will change, but nothing ever changes.
I know how someone behaves when they are in love, but this guy acts as though whether the relationship works out or not makes no difference to him. I cannot have certain conversations with him. We cannot even playfully tease each other, laugh together, or enjoy each other’s company, as if we are in the military barracks. We barely spend quality time together. Every time I visit him, he is always on his phone, almost as though I am not even there.
Sometimes, I feel like I am the one who practically asked myself out on a date and pushed myself into this relationship. That is how little effort he seems to put into it. I have met several other men whom I turned down because of him. Some of them were really interested in me and had serious intentions, but I turned them down because I am a one-man kind of woman. Once I am in a relationship with you, you are the only person I want.
I will be 28 this year, and honestly, I don’t think I am ready for marriage yet. So, it is not as though I am desperate to get married. I simply want a relationship that gives me peace of mind, where I don’t have to constantly question my partner’s intentions or wonder how he feels about me.
There are many other things I have left out, but these are some of the major issues. This year, I decided that I would rather remain single than stay in a relationship where I was constantly having doubts. I told him we should go back to being friends because this wasn’t the kind of relationship I wanted. His response was, “Okay, if that’s what you want.”
He didn’t ask any questions or try to understand why I had made that decision. I expected that response, but it still hurt. I couldn’t help wondering whether the relationship had meant anything to him all this while.
And that was how our relationship ended. He never checked up on me afterwards. I called him, but he didn’t answer. A month later, I decided to send him a message to check up on him. His response shocked me. He said, “I don’t think your newfound love would be okay with you texting with your ex.”
What Caused The Breakup Between You And Your Ex?
Eii! So he thinks I left the relationship because I had found someone else? Well, it is what it is. I am still trying to move on from him, taking things one day at a time. I believe everything will eventually be fine. But I want to ask, am I being inconsiderate for ending the relationship because I wasn’t getting the emotional connection, communication, and affection I wanted, despite all the other good things he did for me?
—Ammma
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