I met him on Facebook and because we lived close to each other, things picked up quickly. We became friends, started hanging out and before long we were dating. Seven months into the relationship, something started weighing heavily on my mind. This guy had never initiated anything intimate. Not even a simple warm hug. No harmless touching. No flirting. Nothing. Our first kiss? I had to initiate it myself and even then, he rushed to part as if my lips were burning him.

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If we sit together and my thigh accidentally brushes his, he becomes uncomfortable and shifts until I am forced to move. I once asked him plainly, “Are you a virgin?” He said no. I asked again, “So what exactly is the problem with me?” His answer was, “I want to take my time with you.”

Take his time? Seven months of dating and not one sign that he even desires me? And the biggest red flag for me is that this man is talking about marriage. Meanwhile, I have never seen so much as a bulge in his trousers. We have slept in the same room several times, woken up together, and not once have I seen anything rise in the morning. Nothing. Completely flat.

Because I asked too many questions, he now sleeps in jeans when I am around. Jeans. Who sleeps in jeans if they don’t have anything to hide? I recently read a story about a man who never allowed his wife to see his manhood until after marriage, only for her to discover he had nothing functioning there. That story has been tormenting me because what I am experiencing feels like the same script with different characters.

And here he is, confidently discussing marriage as if everything is normal. So I told him the plain truth. Until I see it in action or see it rise with my own eyes, I will not agree to marry him. I will not take this relationship further. I cannot gamble my entire future on something he is hiding from me. A woman has needs. A marriage needs intimacy. And I am not about to walk blindly into a lifelong frustration.

Is There A Perfect One Out There For Everyone?

Am I asking for too much? Is it too much to want proof that the man planning marriage with me is actually capable of doing what married men do? Because right now, I feel like I am walking into a trap and my spirit is screaming at me to stop.

—Mavis

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