One day, a friend approached me with a marriage proposal. This was not someone I had ever been in a relationship with or someone I had ever discussed having a future with. He was only a friend who just came to me and said he had received a prophecy that we were supposed to get married.

To be honest, when he first told me, I was upset and confused. It did not sit well with me because marriage is a serious decision, and I didn’t expect someone I only saw as a friend to come to me with such a huge claim.

However, as time went on, I started thinking differently. I mean, God is not a man who lies. I thought well enough about it and gave him a chance to know him, let’s see where it goes.

He is what people would describe as a prodigal son. He has been in the world, dated many women, and lived a lifestyle that he is not proud of. But after encountering God, he says he has changed and left that life behind. Who the Son sets free is free indeed.

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I started fighting very hard to see past his past life in the onset of our relationship. What he has done is not even something I can sleep without having to think about, the changing of women like a person with running stomach going to the washroom many times. I had questions too, which I asked. I could see that it hurt him, as if he didn’t want to be reminded of the past, so I even stopped doing that.

I also did not retreat in my steps to make sure he doesn’t return to his former life. I saw to it that he read his Bible, said his prayers, fasted, even sowed seeds. Anything possible so that he doesn’t backslide, I was spearheading it, especially against the spirit of unfaithfulness.

But despite all this, we keep facing the same problems. Whenever we have an argument, he quickly talks about ending the relationship. He says things like he does not deserve me or that his past is the reason I struggle to trust him. The truth is, his past is not what hurts me anymore. It is the way he handles conflicts now.

Sometimes, I feel like he uses emotional manipulation. He misunderstands my concerns. When I say A, he will say I said E. I try to communicate areas where I think he needs to improve, he takes it as an attack. He promises that he will stop threatening to leave whenever we argue, and not to use emotional tactics to make me feel guilty, but when another disagreement comes, he does the same thing again.

There are also times when he feels emotionally unavailable. This boy will not even call to ask if the trouble you were facing at work has been resolved, if you are better now if you complained of being under the weather. That has been difficult for me. I am going through a tough time as I write this and I haven’t had much support from him. He doesn’t even know how things are going. A few days ago, we had an argument, and once again, he called it quits. “I am a useless boyfriend; you don’t need me in your life. I will go so that you continue your life,” he said. All because I flatly told him to be open, asking him to soften up and make himself emotionally available to me. That is all I said.

I am having my own difficult period and now I have to add reasoning with my boyfriend to not break up with me on top of it.

Whenever I tell him something he needs to work on, he twists it and says I am always looking for faults in him.

Well, I begged him to stay. I sang the anthem “don’t leave me, don’t leave me, if you leave me I go die oo.” I have done this before, and yesterday was no different. The truth is, I do not want to lose him, but this man looks unbothered, and that is what is paining me.

Now, I am very much confused and afraid. I am asking myself if walking away from this relationship will mean I am disobeying God. What if he really is the person God chose for me? What if leaving him means I am rejecting God’s plan for my life?

But at the same time, I cannot stop asking God why someone He chose for me would treat me this way. Is this relationship truly from God, or am I ignoring the warning signs because I am afraid to let go?

You should know that he is a good man. He has many qualities I admire, and he has almost everything I look for in a partner. My problem is not that he is a bad person. My concern is the way he reacts during conflicts, the constant threats of leaving, the emotional distance, and the way my feelings sometimes seem dismissed.

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I need honest advice. If I walk away because of these behaviors, am I doing something wrong spiritually? Am I giving up on someone God brought into my life, or is God showing me signs that I need to pay attention to?

Please help me understand what I should do.

—Frema

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