In 2018, my first serious relationship ended in heartbreak. We were together for seven years. I poured everything I had into that relationship: my time, my love, my loyalty, and even my money. At one point, he almost took a piece of land I bought with my own hard-earned savings. I had to fight to get it back.

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That experience shook me to my core. I had done nothing but love and support him through thick and thin, yet he turned around and betrayed me.

By the time the relationship was over, I had lost faith in love. A lot of men came my way, promising me heaven, but I wasn’t ready to trust again. I kept pushing everyone away until loneliness took hold of my heart. That was when I told myself, “Maybe if I try this love thing again, it will work out.”

Then came last year when I met Mark. He seemed like a gentle soul: soft-spoken, respectful, and caring. He appeared to be everything I had hoped for. So I was happy when he proposed love to me. I thought, “Finally, maybe this is the man I’ll build my family with. Maybe my prayers have been answered.” I said yes to his proposal.

A few months into the relationship, I found out I was pregnant. When I told him, he was happy. He brought his family to my home to claim the pregnancy and perform the knocking ceremony. The understanding was that after I give birth, we would have the marriage ceremony alongside the baby’s naming ceremony. It all sounded good. It felt like things were falling into place.

But along the line, I started seeing small signs, subtle comments, and strange behaviour that I chose to ignore. I was in love. I wanted it to work. I wanted to believe he loved me too. Maybe that’s why I didn’t realise that I should worry.

First, he never allowed me to visit him unless he gave me permission. When I got pregnant, I was only allowed in his house once, and that was during my first trimester. One day, he sent me a TikTok video of a man saying that his aunt had advised him to get a woman pregnant because he was nearing 40. I didn’t understand why he sent me that video, but I didn’t ask questions either. I just brushed it off.

Then, as my due date approached and the expected wedding got closer, he started pulling away. I asked him what was going on but he wouldn’t talk. “If you knew you were going to pull away then why did you perform the knocking ceremony?” I asked him.

He said, “I had no choice but to do it.”

That was when it hit me that the man I thought was building a life with me had other plans. He only came to meet my family to play a role.

I gave birth safely. But when it came time to fulfill the promise he had made in my father’s house, he changed completely. He said he never promised me marriage. He chose only the child.

Everything started to make sense then: the limited visits, the cold responses, the weird comments, the video… all of it was a message he was sending me. He was no longer interested in me. Maybe he never wanted me in the first place. He just wanted to get me pregnant and have a child.

To be honest, I have to give him credit where it’s due. Throughout my pregnancy and even now, he has been financially responsible. He provides. That I will not deny. But I don’t need just a provider. I need a partner. He, on the other hand, has made it clear it was just about a child for him all along.

At this point, I am worried that he’ll do whatever it takes to take my child away from me one day. I know it deep in my soul.

Right now, I’m staying with my parents. My family is fully aware of everything that has happened. I just completed my maternity leave, and I’m using up my annual leave before I return to work. I’m trying to gather myself again, piece by piece.

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I thought I had finally found love. I thought I was having a baby with a man who would marry me. But I was wrong. He just wanted a child, and I was just a means to an end.

I am so disappointed. All because I believed in a dream that wasn’t real. I only wanted to be a good wife and mother. Instead, I have become a lesson I never asked for.

—Fafa

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