(If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.)

I realized the only thing I didn’t suggest to my husband was an adoption. With everything going on, it didn’t cross my mind. So I was grateful that a few people suggested that we try it. I have always wanted to be a mother so I was willing to do it even if it meant adopting a child. Not only will I get to have a baby but I will be giving the child a home and a loving family. I remember sitting my husband down that evening before we went to bed. “How do you feel about adoption?” I asked him, “Our inability to have biological children does not mean all hope is lost. We can adopt, and still be a happy family.” My husband didn’t mince words, “I am not interested in taking care of someone else’s child. If you feel this marriage does not fulfill you then you can leave. If a thousand women leave my life, a thousand will come back.”

After that conversation, I realized I wouldn’t make any headway if I did it on my own. So I called his sister. I figured she might have a track record of persuading him to do things he doesn’t want to do. So I told her everything that was going on and asked that she speaks to him on my behalf. After listening to me she advised, “My brother’s affairs are not something I want to get involved in. If you think you want a child more badly than you want the marriage then leave him. Don’t stay in the marriage and be disturbing my brother.” Wow! Somehow it seemed my desire to have a child had become a thorn in not only my husband’s flesh but his sister’s as well.

I didn’t raise the issue of childbearing and adoption again. I knew what I had to do. So I called my mother and told her I was getting a divorce. I narrated all our battles with infertility with her and my husband’s indifference toward the subject. “Dorcas, marriage is a difficult thing to come by in our family. If you look around you will see that a lot of your cousins are not married. You are one of the lucky few who got a husband. Do you really want to give that up because of a child? If you can ignore him and stay in the marriage, just do that.” I felt my mother did not understand me. She did not know that there was a point in our marriage where my in-laws called me barren. To prove their point they brought another woman into my matrimonial home and asked my husband to impregnate her. How could I continue to stay in a marriage like this?

After my talk with my mother, I knew I was running out of options. I had to gather all the courage I could and face my father. He stopped talking to me after I married a man he disapproved of but I knew that if I went to him in humility and remorse he wouldn’t turn me away. So like the proverbial prodigal son, I went to my father. I remember his reaction when I told him I was getting a divorce. All he said was, “It was your decision to marry that man, so if you don’t want the marriage again then you can do whatever pleases your heart.” I took that as approval and went ahead to speak to my lawyer about my plans.

The lawyer asked what I wanted from my husband as compensation for wasting my time. I told her, “All I want is my freedom.” The lawyer then advised me to move out of his house and get my own place so she can start the divorce process. While I was working on getting a new place my mother came to my place one Sunday saying my husband has called for my family and his family to meet. We got to my mother-in-law’s house to meet her very angry. She insulted me bitterly, “All you came to do in this marriage is to pressure my child to give you a child. If you want to leave the marriage then do that. It is not my son who has a fertility problem, it is you.” I came home and cried my heart out. I was going to take my time and save money to rent a place but after what happened I couldn’t wait any longer.

I had invested all my savings, which was about GHC35000 into my husband’s building so I was completely broke. I even found out he used that money to help further the education of a lady he was having an affair with in his office. Anyway, I was completely broke after I gave that money to him so I had to take a loan to pay for a single-room apartment. I waited till he left for work on a Thursday morning. Then I packed all my stuff and moved to my new place. Immediately I got to my place I slept like a baby. All the heaviness hovering around my heart was gone. When I woke up I called him and told him that I had moved out so he would hear from my lawyer. He couldn’t speak till I hung up.

Within thirty minutes I started receiving calls from my sister and my mother. They said my husband called and asked them to look for me because I am no longer under his care. “Don’t worry. I am fine,” I told them, “When the time is right I will give you directions to my new place.” For about a month I didn’t hear from him and my lawyer didn’t serve him. The next thing I heard, he called my mum and told her that no lawyer has contacted him. He said I didn’t have money to pay for a lawyer so they should tell me to come home.

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I relayed this information to my lawyer and she served him the divorce papers at his workplace. He was so angry that he told my lawyer, “Dorcas never loved me. She only married me because she was homeless. Marrying me gave her a place to sleep.” That statement didn’t even tickle the hair on my skin. It rather confirmed that I made the right decision to leave him. He didn’t show up for the first court hearing but he came for the second one. He agreed to the divorce so the case was not prolonged.

The Justice was a woman and she was happy I made such a decision. She asked him to compensate me for wasting my time. But I insisted that I didn’t need anything from him. I didn’t want the case to drag on too long. All I wanted was my peace of mind and my freedom. The divorce was granted in August 2022. I went to church with my family to thank God for his mercies. That day I met an old friend, Ofori. He had wanted to marry me but I chose my husband over him. When we met again I was divorced and he was single.

Ofori and I talked and reminisced on old memories. He told me he has a child with another lady. After that Sunday I met him at church again. He asked, “Now that you are single again, will you consider a relationship with me?” I told him I needed some time to put myself together, and he understood. In January 2023, I felt ready to give love another chance. So I said yes to Ofori’s proposal.

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I am so happy with him that sometimes I forget about my past. We are putting things in place to tie the knot in December or early next year. It is my prayer that this happiness lasts and all our plans come to pass. As for my ex-husband, his sister called me after I left him and told me that I am the third woman to leave her brother because of this same infertility issue. I pray that he makes peace with himself and someday gets the help he needs.

—Dorcas

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