When I first started dating Ray, I knew he didn’t have a job. That wasn’t a problem for me. After all, I had a job that was good enough to bring me a steady flow of income. I did not need anyone, especially my boyfriend to take care of me. So I encouraged him as best as I could. “Don’t give up on the search,” I said, “Something will come up soon.”
He lives in Accra while I lives in Kumasi but that too was not a problem for either of us. The first time we met, for instance, he was the one who made the trip to Kumasi to see me. By then we had been texting on WhatsApp and chatting on the phone for a while. We met right here on Silent Beads. I commented on a story that was posted and he replied to my comment.
From there, he sent me a message in my inbox. I found him interesting so I responded to all his questions. When he asked for my WhatsApp number I didn’t object or drag my feet. I gave the number to him and our conversation picked up from there.
He is a nice guy with good manners so I was curious to know him more. The more we talked, the more I felt drawn to him. So when he finally suggested we meet in person, I said yes.
After he came to see me in Kumasi and left, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was in love with him at this point. I am not someone who plays hard to get when I like someone. So I gave him an easy, “Yes, I will be your girlfriend.”
I didn’t think that his unemployment would affect our relationship much but it started happening. The thing is, although I am financially independent, sometimes I face financial challenges. Currently, I am working and schooling at the same time. I am funding my education so I always need to live small in order to afford school.
When this happens I get moody. Sometimes Ray would sense the shift in my mood and ask, “Is everything okay? Is there anything you want to talk about?” I think about his situation and mine and conclude that I have no reason to complain, especially not to him.
This is someone who doesn’t have a job at all. He doesn’t earn anything at the end of the month. I, on the other hand, have a job. My problem has to do with how much of my expenses are eating up my salary. Tell me, is there any way I can discuss my finances with him and not give him the impression that I am insensitive to his struggles?
This is the reason I keep my mouth shut when he tries to get me to open up to him about my struggles. It’s nothing personal. It’s not even as if I expect anything from him. However, I felt if I opened up to him about all my needs, he would feel pressured to help me out. He might feel inadequate that as a man, he is not able to help me solve some of my problems. And so to protect him, I tell him, “Everything is fine. There’s nothing to worry about.”
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Every time I got moody because of money, he asked, “Are you okay? What can I do to help?” And each time my response was, “I am fine. You don’t have to worry.” Honestly, I didn’t think that my mood swings were affecting the relationship. I thought I was doing my best to shield my boyfriend and protect what we have.
We were together for seven months, and we were still going strong. That’s what I thought until Ray sent me a text. I was confused when I read it. He complained bitterly about my mood swings. It made him uncomfortable because I wouldn’t talk about what was causing it. He felt I didn’t love him enough so he was setting me free.
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Long story short, he broke up with me. I wasn’t expecting it. I thought we were doing fine, you know. I called him to talk him out of decision but he seemed grounded in his decision. He said I made him feel bad most of the time. I explained, “Please, my behaviour has nothing to do with you. I just find it difficult to talk about my troubles. I prefer to keep everything inside me until I find a solution. So don’t take it personally.” He still says no.
I love this guy and I don’t want to lose him. What else can I say to make him stay? If not for him, I wouldn’t know someone can leave a relationship because the other person gets moody. Is that even a reason for breaking up? Please what should I do to win him back?
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It’s clear that you care deeply about Ray and want to work things out with him. Here are some steps you can take to try and win him back and address the issue of your mood swings:
Reflect on your communication: It’s important to recognize that communication is a key component of any relationship. You mentioned that you find it difficult to talk about your troubles. Take some time to reflect on why you have this difficulty and what specific aspects of your financial challenges make it hard for you to open up. Understanding this can help you communicate your feelings more effectively.
Apologize and explain: Reach out to Ray and express your apologies for not being open about your mood swings and the underlying reasons. Explain that you didn’t want to burden him and clarify that your financial challenges were not a reflection of his worth or your feelings for him. Be sincere and honest in your communication.
Show empathy: Make an effort to show that you understand his perspective and concerns. Let him know that you appreciate his caring nature and that you didn’t intend to hurt him. Offer reassurances that you value the relationship and are willing to work on your communication.
Discuss your feelings: Have an open and honest conversation with Ray about your financial situation. You can let him know that you appreciate his concern but reassure him that you don’t expect him to solve your problems. Discuss how you plan to handle your financial challenges and share your goals for the future.
Give him space: While it’s important to reach out and discuss the situation, also respect his decision and give him some space if he needs it. Understand that he may need time to process his feelings and thoughts.
Seek compromise: If Ray is open to it, try to find a compromise that works for both of you in terms of communication and emotional support. It’s important that you both feel comfortable and secure in the relationship.
Be patient: Rebuilding trust and understanding can take time. Be patient and willing to work on the issues that have arisen. Consistently demonstrate your commitment to the relationship and your willingness to address the concerns he raised.
Ultimately, the decision to get back together will be up to both of you. It’s essential to prioritize open communication, empathy, and understanding in your interactions. If you both still have feelings for each other and are willing to work on the relationship, there is a chance to rebuild and move forward together.
-Atieno-
Detailed and systematic as always. Much appreciated. Lesson not only for the writer but all of us.
That’s it
The same happened to me ,but was able to move
U can also move on but is a gradual process