One month to our wedding my father died. I was devastated. My dad was my everything from the day my mother died. My brother said the wedding could go on so dad’s funeral would follow a month later. I asked him, “How do I rejoice in my white gown when my dad is frozen in the fridge, waiting for my sadness? That can’t happen.”

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I’m the first child and among my siblings, I was the one who had something going for me so they all looked up to me. I told my soon-to-be husband, Fabian, that we should postpone the wedding. He told me it was a great idea and supported it.

We buried my dad a few weeks later and that funeral brought me to ground zero financially. I cried for my dad while also crying for my finances. It took us one whole year to be able to fix a new date for our wedding. Fabian was ready to handle everything but I knew him and knew his account situation. If he did it, we would have collapsed. We would have started marriage with huge debt.

When we finally fixed a new date, which was only a month away, our souls rested knowing very well that what we had dreamed of years ago was finally coming to pass. Five to our wedding, our pastor and also our counselor called to see me.

I went there and saw Fabian already seated. He didn’t look happy and it made my heart start to race. Our pastor said, “There’s something you don’t know that we think you should know. A lady came in to tell me she has a son with Fabian.”

I looked at Fabian and his face was on the floor. I asked if it was true and he said, “I don’t think it’s true so I’m determined to do a DNA test.”

The boy in question was six years old. That means he didn’t cheat on me. He told me about his ex but there was no mention of a child between them. I was shocked and disoriented. Our pastor asked what I was going to do. Would I postpone the wedding and wait for the DNA results, or would I go ahead?

Fabian asked him to give us time to think about it. We didn’t need to make a decision in the rush of the moment. Our pastor said, “You have only five days. Think about that and make better use of the days ahead.”

We walked silently to the roadside to pick a car back home. We sat quietly next to each other as if we were strangers on the same journey. In my mind, I was weighing the possibility of the wedding not happening and what I was going to tell my friends as the reason. “Again? Why only me?” I broke down and cried in the car. He couldn’t even hold me. He was dealing with something bigger.

When we got home he said, “If you believe me, let’s forget about this issue and get married. I don’t know for sure but something tells me the child is not mine. Why now if he was indeed mine?”

I collected the lady’s number from him and called her while he was there. I asked her to be sincere and look in the face of God and tell me the truth. She burst into tears. “Do you think I will take pleasure in destroying another woman’s happiness?” she asked me. “I’ve been unhappy for all these years because he blocked me and cut contact with me when we broke up. But my sister told him and he called my sister a liar.”

I was torn between the two. It turned into a very huge exchange where Fabian shouted and called her a witch. The lady screamed, “Fabian, if you say this child is not yours, take schnapps and eggs and let’s curse. Be a man and face the wrath of the gods if you say I’m lying.”

I slept on a pillow that felt like a stone. I cried all night not knowing what to do. We had only four days but I didn’t know what next to do. I missed my dad. He would have had something intelligent to tell me. I called my brother and told him what was going on. He said, “Take it like it’s true. Let’s say Fabian knew about it and he lied. What does it destroy? See all the good things he’s done. During dad’s funeral, he was more than a boyfriend. One mistake cancels all that for you?”

I told him he didn’t know what he was talking about. He was only speaking that way because he was a man. But then that same evening Fabian came around and told me he wanted to know my decision so he could inform his family and friends about it. He repeated half of what my brother said. “This shouldn’t be what breaks us, even if it’s true. After everything we’ve been through, you think we can’t go through this one too?”

I called my pastor and told him we would go ahead with the wedding and do the DNA later. He asked if I was very sure. I told him, “I don’t know but this is what my spirit says.” He asked if I had prayed about it. He asked if I had listened to God’s voice about it because issues like this could be the little foxes that destroy the big vineyard. I told him I was listening to my instinct.

I didn’t know but after our wedding I was told the lady came there trying to enter to cause commotion. It was my brother and his friends who carried her into a taxi and drove her away. I was married but I was not happy. It showed in the photos we took. It showed during the exchange of vows. There was no power in his voice and I was choked with tears.

Four months after our wedding, the DNA results came and my husband was right. He wasn’t the father. I called the lady on the phone and asked, “My dear sister, why?” She answered, “Do you trust the DNA results more than you trust the woman who bore the child for nine months? It doesn’t end here. I’ll pursue this until my dying days.”

It’s Not God’s Law For A Man To Apologize To A Woman

I don’t know if she’s still alive or dead. We’ve been happily married for thirteen years and I haven’t heard from her again. But because of her, we’ve learned a very huge lesson that good things will meet obstacles before they happen. And this lesson has been our daily drive in marriage. Whenever we meet obstacles we tell ourselves, “Good things are coming. Let’s push harder!” Nine out of ten, we are always right.

—Nhyiraba Yaayaa

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