I met Paa at an event I was managing. He came up to me and asked how I did it and how much I would charge if I organized the same event for him. He took my contact details so we could talk about his upcoming event and how I was going to organize it. Days later he called and through conversation I realized he didn’t live in Ghana. He told me he had only a week to stay in Ghana so we ought to finish talking about his event before he left Ghana.

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We met twice but the details of the event weren’t coming forth. He said he was waiting for details from his partner abroad and the details were not coming because his partner wasn’t sure of what to do. Later he asked me, “What if it was a wedding? Would you charge the same price?” I answered, “It all depends on the details and what you want on the day.” He said, “Let’s assume it’s your own wedding and I’m the groom. Would you charge the same price?”

He smiled while I sat confused looking at him. I thought I didn’t hear it well until he asked, “Or you already have someone you’re planning a wedding with?” This time I laughed and asked him to be serious. He said, “This has been the event I’ve been talking about. The partner who isn’t sure of the details is you, so please be sure and let’s talk about it very well.”

That was his proposal but I took it as a joke. He left Ghana and the conversation continued. Every time we talked, he found a way of talking about marriage even when the conversation wasn’t about marriage. I knew he was serious but I didn’t know the answer to give because I didn’t like distance relationships. He told me, “Oh you don’t have to worry. I can be in Ghana every week if you want me to. Take it like I live in Ghana with you because I come home very often, sometimes five times in a year.”

One day on the phone, I accepted his proposal and he told me, “Start preparing for a wedding because it wouldn’t be that long.”

The next day, he was on the phone talking to my dad and asking him what he had to bring for my hand in marriage. Another day he was thanking my mom for raising a beautiful and virtuous woman like me. He spoke with everyone who mattered in my life and each one of them he told about our marriage and how he couldn’t wait to say “I do” to me.

He came to Ghana four months later and during his visit he treated me like the center of his world. He took me out, introduced me to friends, and spoke constantly about building a future together. Before he left Ghana, he gave me GHC50,000 and told me it was the seed money for our wedding so I should put it aside and save it. I did just that.

He left and came back three months later. This time, he came with two guys and a man he said was his uncle because both his parents were late. That day they performed the knocking rite and the marriage was set for the next five months. He didn’t want a church wedding. He said he was a proud Black man and didn’t see the need for a white wedding. Five months later when he came back to Ghana, we had our wedding and later signed in court.

It was not extravagant, but it was beautiful enough to convince everyone that something genuine was beginning. After the ceremony he returned abroad to continue working while I stayed in Ghana, waiting for the day I would eventually join him.

Weeks after he had left, I realized I wasn’t feeling well. I checked for everything and it was negative until the doctor asked me to check for pregnancy. I laughed, telling him my husband wasn’t in town so how could I get pregnant? I checked and I was pregnant. I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. We had planned that I would be with him before our first child. We planned to at least enjoy the marriage for three years before we started to think about a child.

When I told him I was pregnant, he was overly excited. “Hey, that was too quick. It’s like playing in the mud and finding gold. We will name her Golden if it’s a girl.” I asked, “What if it’s a boy?” He answered, “Then we would think of a name for him later.”

He made it sound like he wanted a girl more than anything so I prayed it was a girl. We talked about how I would join him before I gave birth and he said he was doing everything possible for me to join him before the second trimester of the pregnancy.

One day he said because of technicalities with German laws, I couldn’t come as his wife so when I was filling the forms I shouldn’t state that I was married to him. I was confused but I hadn’t traveled outside before to know the laws so I obeyed. Later he said he was finding it hard to get someone who could bring me abroad on their documents. I asked, “How about yours? You told me you were a citizen so it should be easy.”

He didn’t offer any understandable explanation. It made me suspicious but it was hard finding any evidence to support my suspicion until one day I found one on Facebook. A photo appeared on my timeline where he had been tagged. It was a photo of a lady who also lived in Germany. I went through the comments and there was nothing to see. I even went through the woman’s profile. From there, I started to see the woman on my list of people I may know. One day I sent her a friend request and the match fell into the gasoline.

This woman immediately entered my inbox and started dishing out insults and calling me a husband snatcher and even added curses to it. I was like, “Ah, who is this one too? I only asked you to be friends so why all these insults?” I sent her a message and calmly asked her to be patient and explain what I had done against her. Then she called me on Messenger. Her voice was loud and overbearing. She said I was snatching her husband and that she knew about the marriage and even the pregnancy. She even said I would die during childbirth so I would know how painful it was to be in her shoes.

I did my best to plead my case. I told her I was innocent and I didn’t know he was married. She didn’t believe me until I started sending her screenshots of chats we’d had long ago. She calmed down and said, “He lied to you. We’ve been married for eight years with three boys. I’m the reason he became a citizen.”

When he called me that night, he’d already known I knew the truth because his wife had told him. He said, “I love you too much to let you know all this but I’m getting a divorce very soon. This issue rather made it easy for me to get the divorce I’d always wanted.”

This was in 2020 when COVID was threatening to destroy our lives. He hasn’t gotten the divorce and still lives with his wife while my marriage to him had been declared null and void. We still talk because of the child. He comes to Ghana to see us and still wants to have something to do with me when he clearly knows that I talk to his wife every now and then. That woman has a heart of gold.

It’s Not God’s Law For A Man To Apologize To A Woman

When she came to Ghana after COVID, she came to see me and my baby. She said sorry for every bad word she said to me and promised me she would push her husband to take care of us the best way he could. She’s too kind for me to hurt her so I threaten Paa whenever he tries to get too close for comfort.

—Andrianna 

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