I met my boyfriend on a bus while we were travelling to Kumasi. I live in Accra and was in Kumasi for a programme. When he got off the bus, he took my number and asked me to show him where I was staying so he could come and visit me. I was going to be staying with my aunt during my time there, so I gave him the directions.

The next day, he showed up at the house with an elderly man he introduced to me as his uncle. When his uncle spoke, he explained that he was there because his nephew had seen a flower and wanted to formally express his intentions towards me. He wanted me to know that his nephew was serious about getting to know me.

I had my reservations after learning that he was a divorcee with a child, but I decided to keep an open mind. I agreed to get to know him and see where things would lead. He returned to Accra before I did, but when I eventually got back, I invited him over to my place. A few days later, I visited his home, where he lived with his child and a housekeeper.

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I should mention that our relationship really began after those visits. We would spend hours on the phone talking. We spoke freely and laughed easily with each other. Everything seemed to be going well until someone poured sand into my gari.

I began noticing a change in his behaviour. I brought it to his attention, but he said I was overthinking things and that nothing was wrong. I would call him several times, but he wouldn’t pick up. He wouldn’t even return my calls. I became worried, so I decided to visit his house and find out for myself what was going on.

When I got there, I met his child, who went inside to call him. The moment he stepped out and saw me, he almost went on his knees apologising. “There are some issues that I am facing, big private family issues, and that is why I am not able to reach out to you properly.” It turns out that when he is going through it, he withdraws from everyone. He promised that it wasn’t going to affect our relationship.

He promised to work on that and communicate more, but we still spoke less, and this time, I decided not to do too much calling and texting. I wanted to give him his space and see whether things would improve.

One day, I passed by his house after visiting my mother, but his househelp refused to let me in. She told me she had been instructed not to allow anyone into the house without his permission.

That incident got me thinking about the househelp’s behaviour. It wasn’t as if I had ever misbehaved during my previous visits or given her any reason to treat me that way. When I left his place, I texted him. I confronted him about it, but he gave me a flimsy excuse, saying she was doing her job. Then he said he wasn’t home and wouldn’t return anytime soon. I have not heard from him since then.

Honestly, I couldn’t understand why he was behaving that way, so I decided to contact a guy he had introduced to me as his cousin. After I spoke to him, my boyfriend sent me lengthy messages explaining his silence and apologising for everything. His explanation sounded rather silly to me, so I am ignoring him.

The problem now is that the cousin has started expressing interest in me. Apparently, they are not biological cousins. They are just friends who have become so close that they consider themselves family.

Now, I am confused about the whole situation. What if the two of them are testing me? What if the first guy is genuinely interested in me, and I am allowing my fear of the unknown to get the better of me? What if I end up destroying a lifelong friendship because of this situation?

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I shared my concerns with the cousin, and he has asked me to think things through and not allow myself to feel pressured. But I still have so many questions running through my mind. What if this is all orchestrated by the universe? What if the man I met on that bus is actually the person destined to lead me to my husband? What if I walk away from something that could have turned into a beautiful relationship because I misunderstood the situation?

On the other hand, why would a man who claims to be serious about me treat me this way? And why is his friend suddenly expressing interest in me?

I honestly don’t know what to make of all this, and I don’t want to make a decision I might regret.

—Lovely

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