My wife came home at 2:30 a.m. I was sitting in the living room when she entered. She looked at me, smiled, and asked, “Why are you still awake?” I told her I was waiting for her. She laughed and said, “You’re behaving like my father. I’m a grown woman.”

Then she walked into our bedroom, took off her clothes, bathed, and went to sleep. I sat there for some time, wondering when we started living like this. We’ve been married for seven years, and we have two children. I don’t know when things started changing, but all I know now is that things are not the way they used to be. This is not the same woman I married seven years ago.

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All of a sudden, she started dressing differently. She bought new clothes every week and changed her hairstyle when the old one was barely taking form. Then she started going out frequently. I didn’t have a problem with that.

But gradually, the outings became Friday nights out. Then Saturday evenings. Sometimes, she went out twice or three times in a week. There were days she would leave home at six in the evening and return after midnight. When I asked where she was going, she would say, “I’m going out with the girls.”

One evening, I asked why things were moving that fast. “You used to be home with me, but now I barely see you around here. What’s going on?”

She said, “For years, my life has been work, marriage, and children. I think I deserve to enjoy myself, anaa you don’t agree?”

I reminded her that we had responsibilities. We have kids to raise into better adults. She told me I should stop making her feel guilty for having a life outside our marriage. That was the beginning of our arguments.

My wife has become very active on social media. She posts pictures from restaurants, parties, and lounges. Sometimes, I wake up and see videos of her dancing with people I don’t know.

What worries me most isn’t even the parties or the clothes. It’s how little consideration she now gives to our family arrangements. Sometimes, she tells me she’s going out when she’s already dressed and standing at the door. If I have plans, I must cancel them or find someone to stay with the children.

Not long ago, I asked my wife to sit down so we could talk. I told her I missed the time we spent together. I missed our conversations, the evenings we watched movies, and the weekends we planned things as a family. She listened quietly. Then she said, “Do you know something? I spent years doing everything for this family. I was always the one arranging things for the children, preparing meals, and making sure the house was running. You didn’t complain then because everything was convenient for you.”

When our children were younger, she handled more of the domestic responsibilities. I worked long hours to bring money home. Yes, she contributed financially to the running of the house, but I don’t think I did anything untoward during that time. Even when I was trying to find middle ground with her, she said, “I don’t want to go back to being the woman who did everything around here and also had to ask permission before doing anything.”

This time around, I felt we’d gone beyond conversation. I had to put my foot down like a man. I screamed, “You’ll listen to me and listen to me well. No more outings, and I mean it. Try it, and you’ll come and see your things outside the door.”

This was early Saturday morning. She left home around 7 p.m. when I’d stepped out to buy something and came back around 1 a.m. I was seated and waiting for her. When she saw me, she smiled. She asked, “I thought I would come and see my things outside ooo. Or do you need help throwing them outside?”

I was so angry I nearly hit her. I held both of her shoulders and shook her the way you shake a can if you want a coin to fall from inside. “What has come over you? Why are you destroying this marriage? What has been shown to you that I’m not aware of?”

She stood quietly until I finished ranting, and then she asked, “Can I go now?”

Now I’m beginning to believe she wants a divorce and is trying to act her way out of it. I check her phone and check her bags. I smell her clothes for unfamiliar scents. I find nothing. I can’t say she’s cheating when I haven’t found any evidence to that effect.

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Sometimes, she comes home tired and goes straight to bed. Other evenings, she’s on her phone talking to friends or planning her next outing. Even our intimate life has changed. We used to be affectionate, but these days, I often feel I’m disturbing her whenever I try to get close.

When I mention these things, she says I’m having difficulty adjusting to her growth. There’s some truth in that. I’m used to the wife who was always available to me and the children. Where this new personality is coming from, I can’t tell, but I can’t relate. I want my old wife back.

Recently, I asked if she was still happy in our marriage. She looked surprised. “Of course. Why would you even ask that?”

That’s what confuses me. And she doesn’t even get angry and fight back when I’m angry and fighting.

What could possibly turn a submissive wife into such a rebel? Or am I the one being controlling?

—Augustine  

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