
When I first told Uche I was pregnant, his first reaction was, “I am not ready to be a father.” I remember telling him, “I am ready to embark on this journey with or without you. I won’t force you to take responsibility.” Truly, I didn’t force him. He was the one who came back and said he wanted to play his fatherly role in our lives. Then he asked me to move in with him.
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The baby is now three years old and I still live with him. Sometimes we are happy together but most of the time, it’s hell. His maltreatment started when I was still pregnant. He would wake up and tell me to let go of the pregnancy. When I refused, he would get angry and start an argument. Most of the time, I paid no attention to him.
By the time I gave birth, he was out of work. I didn’t pressure him for anything. I I paid the hospital bills and all the other expenses that came with having a newborn.
We were living in peace until we had an argument two weeks after the birth of our daughter. He got so angry that he hit me in the eye. I wish I could say that was the first time he lost control and got physical with me. Even when I was pregnant, he would insult me terribly. On days he lost control of his temper, he hit me.
Back then I continued to stay because he was broke. I felt I should stand by him until he got back on his feet. A part of me believed his anger and abuse were tied to his financial situation. “Maybe if he starts earning money again, he will be loving and sweet again.”
After three years, Uche has gotten back on his feet. He is working and earning enough to contribute his quota to the bills at home. Sadly, he hasn’t changed. He continues to insult and throw his hands every time he gets the chance.
At first, I loved him despite his abusive behaviour. But this year, I have started losing interest in him. Mostly because when we argue he tells me, “I won’t marry you. You are not someone who makes me happy. So pack your things and leave.”
I made up my mind then that I would stop loving him so I could set myself free from him. While I was detaching from him, I reconnected with Johnson, an old schoolmate. Nothing has happened between me and this guy. All we do is talk. He never ceases to let me know he cares about me.
One night Uche woke me up and seduced me. When we finished making love he asked me, “Who is Johnson? Why have you been talking to him?”
Before I could say a word, I received a punch in my left eye. I didn’t even say “Ouch” before the other eye also got punched. When he landed the third punch, my nose started bleeding.
For three days, both eyes were swollen shut. I couldn’t see anything. It’s been a month now but I am still in pain. When he came to his senses he asked me to forgive him. I told him we are cool but I can’t find myself loving him him anymore.
When he touches me, I get flashbacks of that night and I shiver. The only thing I can do now is to move out and be free of him. That’s where I have a problem.
Our daughter is very attached to him. This makes me feel bad when I think about taking her away from him. If not for this confusion, I would have left him long ago.
He doesn’t know I want to leave. I act cool as he tries his best to be good. But despite his best efforts, staying with him now is difficult for me. No matter how hopeful I want to be, I’ve lost love and respect for him.
I can afford to move out. I have my own job. I contribute to the majority of the expenses at home. So I know I will be fine on my own.
I just want to know if it will be wrong of me to take my daughter away from her father.
— Queen
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You are not wrong but you are saving yourself too. If continue to stay with him you will die and leave the child to suffer. Imagine your daughter going through the same thing will you be happy?
You could stay, be killed and leave your child without a mother because her father will take very good care of her and she’s sooooo attached to him!
Very funny you, so with all you’re going through you’re still asking questions either to go with ur daughter or not…? I don’t think you’re honest with yourself
My sister life is too short to be maltreated by a man.
Leave if you so value your life before he finishes you.
Prioritize your life! Never make excuses for physical and emotional abuse. God forbid her father dies, your child will still live, right. What kind of example is the doting father setting for his daughter? That it is okay for a man to maltreat a woman? Sis, jakpa now now and don’t look back!
Why do you fail to see you’re in a toxic relationship??..abuse is no excuse!…LEAVE..you’re better off alone than with him..moreover he won’t marry you..
Be encouraged and strengthen..God loves you better and will make things better
Be there and be saying my daughter is attached to him until you become another Osinachi.
Move far away and cut him off.
Your daughter won’t be the first or the last to grow without a father.
Who knows if your loving husband will be waiting for you where you’d be going