I have been married for about a year now. I think one year qualifies my marriage to be considered new. And so you would think my husband and I would be living in a newlywed bubble. You know, the kind where we would always be hot for each other. Especially, considering that the marriage is a long-distance one. I live in Accra and he works far away from Accra so we only see each other once in a while. I had hoped that whenever we get the opportunity to see each other, we would go at it till there’s no energy left to keep going. But my hopes were dashed by my husband’s cold attitude whenever it comes to intimacy.

This man could be gone for work for about three weeks and return home and not seem tickled to see me. I would wear nice perfume and sexy lingerie to try and entice him but the man wouldn’t be moved. He would just tell me he is tired and leave me wanting. The only time he touched me was when he felt like touching me. This went on till I got pregnant. And it continued throughout the first six months of my pregnancy. After six months, he wouldn’t look at me, let alone touch me. I tried my best to get his attention but he plainly ignored everything I did. He said, “I am scared that I will hurt the baby if I get intimate with you.” I felt like a single woman in my marriage. Every night I went to sleep next to him, I felt so sad and lonely. Because he wouldn’t hold me or show me affection.

Now, I have given birth and the baby is three months old. My body is ready to receive pleasure but my husband still denies me shuperu. I would have to try so hard for him to do it once in two weeks. I am a young woman and I have a high libido. So when I don’t get it from him, I become very restless. Sometimes, I resort to watching adult films and taking care of myself. It satisfies me temporarily but it’s nothing compared to having the real thing. I don’t know what else to do to get this man to perform his marital duties. Every time he comes home, I make sure I smell edible and look so yummy, yet he would say, “Honey, I am too tired to do anything with you.” Sometimes he would say, “Let me sleep first, when I wake up I will attend to you.” But he would just snore the night away. And by morning, I am too busy attending to the baby to bother anymore.

I started to think that he has a low sex drive, and it probably has something to do with his age. He is forty-six and I am thirty. But recently I took his phone and read some of his chats. I found out then that my husband is very active in the bedroom, it just wasn’t my bedroom. He has multiple women he is sleeping with, and he seems to enjoy every bit of his time with them. After what I saw I accepted that there is no hope for me when it comes to getting what I need from him. He is using his energy on other women so he would definitely be too tired when he comes home. The painful thing is, when he finally decides that it’s my turn to get his attention, he doesn’t last. He would finish within minutes, and not even care about my satisfaction. They say a wife must make sure her husband is okay sexually, but should I have to beg him for my right?

READ MORE: My Foster Father Says He Won’t Show Up At My Wedding If My Birth Father Does

He is out there chasing women and begging them to meet him in hotels while I am home begging him to hold me. Why won’t he chase me like he is doing with the other women? Don’t I also deserve to feel wanted? I complained about his behaviour and he said it’s because I don’t visit him when he is away. Imagine me having to make the trip back and forth with the baby. These days I don’t mind him anymore. I have gotten fed up with the rejection. I just cook, clean the house, and attend to the baby.

I am not going to lie, sometimes I feel like cheating on him with my ex, just so I could have a real orgasm but I don’t want to be an unfaithful wife so I control myself. I keep wondering if God will punish me for infidelity when I am being starved by my husband. Should I keep taking care of myself when the urge comes? Is it worth it to stay in a marriage with a man who rejects me when I need intimacy but only comes to me when he is in the mood? I don’t know what to do, help a sister.

—Leah

Do you have any relationship experience to share? Please email it to [email protected]

NOTE: NO PART OF THIS CONTENT CAN BE REPUBLISHED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY FORM WITHOUT THE EXPLICIT CONSENT OF THE EDITORS OF THIS BLOG

#SB