If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

I am thankful to everyone who read my story and shared their thoughts in the comment section. Some readers suggested that I conduct a DNA test on my firstborn. That’s a good idea, however, it’s not something I will do. I believe fatherhood supersedes biology. I love those kids so much that no matter the circumstances, I will always see myself as their father. So I will leave the DNA test out of this. 

Others also supported my decision to walk away from her. It makes sense because a marriage built on the foundation of deception and manipulations will not stand the test of time. It’s one of the reasons I am coming to you with this update. 

The first part of the story suggests that I left her after she confessed the truth in a moment of anger. Well, I did but it was not an official divorce. It was a separation. It had to be that way because my family didn’t agree to a divorce. 

I told them what she did but they wouldn’t have it. “Marriage is not boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. You don’t walk away because your wife lied to you in the past. Consider the three children whose lives are going to be affected by your decision.” This was their argument every time the issue of divorce came up. 

We were apart for one year. During that period, I reflected on our journey. I came to terms with the truth that I married Nora primarily because I believed I was her first. In this 21st century, it’s rare to meet a woman in her twenties who still has her virtue intact. Apart from her virginity and beauty, she brought nothing else to the table. 

She was an arrogant, disrespectful, pretentious, liar who lacked submission. I put up with all of it in the past. I believed that’s why I felt like my time was stolen from me when she admitted the truth about her first time. After what I knew about her character, I wouldn’t have waited for her for six whole years. I would have moved on long ago. 

Anyway, after my reflection I traveled to Kumasi. I was working in Accra at the time. It was during an Easter break so I decided to spend some time with the kids and have a conversation with Nora. This was after all attempts to get my family to side with me on the divorce failed. I told myself, “Maybe if I give her one more chance, she will understand that I am sacrificing my freedom to keep our family together.” I hoped that would influence her to change her ways.

We spoke about all the ways she hurt me. I told her, “We can’t continue like this. Something has to change. You have to stop doing the things you do that make us fight. Listen to me just as I listen to you. We are raising a family, not starting a revolution. Let’s be a team.” She listened to everything I said and assured me things would be different going forward. 

That very day, we fell into old patterns. We made love passionately after putting the kids to bed. We were nestled together in postcoital bliss, having pillow talks when Nora received a call. It was midnight. I didn’t expect her to pick up but she did. The phone was not on speaker but the call volume was loud enough for me to hear that she was talking to a man. I heard the words, “I am in front of your house. I want to see you.” And Nora responded, “I am sorry I can’t see you. My husband is around so you can bring my easter gift to the office tomorrow.”

After the call, we got into a huge fight. She didn’t see anything wrong with what she did. Rather, she accused me of making mountains out of molehills. Throughout the night I asked myself, “Does this person deserve a second chance?” I realized I would be making another mistake if I tried it. So I left for Accra the next morning. 

I went back to my family with the issue of divorce again but they shot it down. I resorted to prayers and fasting. Yes, I could have stood my ground but I don’t like to go against my mother. My siblings and I were raised in a broken home, and she was the glue that held our family together through those difficult stages. So we don’t go against her. That’s why it mattered to me that she would give me her blessing to dissolve the marriage.

About a month after I spent a night in Kumasi, Nora called to tell me she was pregnant with our fourth child. This announcement solidified my mother’s stand against the divorce. “Who leaves a woman after four children?” she would often ask. 

READ ALSO: Can You Marry Into A Family Whose Language You Don’t Understand? (Pt2)

After another year of separation, Nora started attacking my family. She labelled my mother a witch and threatened to end my life if they didn’t talk to me to come back to her. She even sent one of her death threats to my sister to be delivered to me. They reported her to her mother but the woman chose her daughter’s side. 

It was at this point that everyone in my family started changing their tune. They all agreed that indeed, a divorce was the best thing for my sanity. The day my mother finally gave me the green light, I said a prayer of thanks to God. Of course, it had to be the hand of God at work. If Nora hadn’t attacked my family they wouldn’t have supported my decision.

What Nobody Tells You About Cohabiting

I was even more thankful when Nora herself filed for divorce at the Kumasi High Court. In less than a year, the process was complete. I was free. 

I chose to come back with details of how the divorce finally happened for the sake of my children. Our story is now on the internet. Someday my children will grow up and start asking questions. When they do, this story will explain to them why I couldn’t raise them in a home with both parents. Until then, I am doing the best I can to take care of all four of them. I always pray that they turn out to be better people than me and their mother.

—Benyame

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