I was at the hospital to see a gynaecologist. I had an infection that I’d been battling for weeks. My boyfriend gave it to me. I was sure about that because he was the only one I was sleeping with. I thought I was the only one until I got the infection. It got worse by the day. I’m a lady who loves to smell herself often but each time when I did, I wasn’t proud of my smell. It had changed. This new one was new to me. I was itching. I was getting sore. I confronted him one evening when he had come to see me for the same thing that gave me the infection. I told him, “You’re cheating on me and it shows. The last time we did it you gave me an infection. If I’m the only one you’re doing it with then where did you carry the infection from?”

He looked at my face and called me a cheat. He said, “Whatever you did that you got that infection, please count me out. You speak like a saint but only God knows what you’ve been doing in the dark. Why accuse me of something you’ve gotten from elsewhere? I should be the one to have my health checked because anything can happen to you.” He threw it on my face when he could have at least been lenient on me. We had a fight. He told me we should break up since I didn’t trust him and he also didn’t trust me. I responded, “You’re not the one to suggest a breakup. I’m the one leaving. If I continue to stay here with you, I don’t know what else you’ll throw my way. It’s over not because I don’t trust you but because you’re a walking virus.” Of course, he told me his mind and to me, the relationship was over that day. 

When I went to the hospital that day to see a gynaecologist, I thought I was going to see a woman. In my mind, gyne was a female job, but I was surprised when a gentleman walked up to me and introduced himself to me as the gyne. I was like, “I’m sorry but am I not supposed to be assessed by a woman?” He smiled mischievously. He told me, “We have women here who do the same job but they are not on duty currently. Don’t worry you’re in safe hands.” 

I looked at the hands he called safe and started feeling uncomfortable. Apart from the fact that he was a man, he also looked too young to have the experience I thought gynaecologists should have. I started feeling shy. I thought he was going to judge me and ask what I did to contract that infection. I wasn’t comfortable at all. He sent me to a room, gave me clothes to change into and he left. A few minutes later, he came back and put up the partition, the partition that separated my upper body from my lower body. I heard the clinging sound of tools and later heard another male voice in there. I shivered and my body contracted. He introduced himself and asked me to relax. I wasn’t going to relax in front of two male doctors who were looking into my soul all in the name of medical examination. No, I wasn’t going to.

From their conversations, I realized the second one was the senior doctor and the second one was a student. The senior one was lecturing him while the examination was going on. They’ll ask a question and I’ll answer and my answer would become part of their study right there. Soon it was over and the senior doctor left. The student doctor also left so I could dress up. He came back with two pieces of sheet. One had my prescription and the other one had a number and a name on it. He said, “Call me and let’s talk more.” 

I said in my head, “Talk more about what? I’m changing hospitals if I have to. I’m going where there are females.” 

Three days later I called him and asked what else I should do to speed up my recovery. He told me, “If you caught it from your boyfriend, don’t do it with him again until he sees a doctor and gets treated.” I responded, “I’m no longer seeing him so that’s out of the question. Anything else I can do?” He said a lot of things and even told me the kind of foods I should eat to flash my system. Days later he called to ask how far I’d gone with healing and I gave him positive news. He was happy for me like a friend would when you share the good news with them. I softened up and saw him as a friend than a doctor. We started chatting. We stopped talking about health and went into knowing-me-knowing you. I even laughed at his choice of profession; “There are so many things a man like you can become, why choose this one?” 

He explained himself as if he owed me an explanation. I liked the care in his voice and the patience in his demeanour. I caught myself thinking he liked me but I slapped myself out of it. Someone knocked on my door and I was thinking it was him because that day we spoke a lot. He asked where I lived and I gave him detailed information as to how he could reach my house. I got up and said in my head, “What if it’s him? How am I going to react?” I opened the door and it was him. 

No, not the doctor but my ex. 

All the smiles I wore dried up immediately when I saw his face. “Yes, why are you here at this time of the night? What can I do for you?” I asked. He stared at me for a second before telling me, “You won’t let me in first before all these questions? Yeah, I know all is not well. It’s the reason you should let me in so we talk.” I retorted, “Two weeks later, you’ve found reasons to talk? Please I’m not ready for any talks. I’ve moved on and I don’t think I have anything to say to you.” He thought I was joking. Somehow, he felt I would melt in his presence and let him in without any resistance because I missed him. I went back in, locked my door and told him to call next time when he’s visiting someone. 

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He didn’t stop coming. He called often asking for a second chance. He texted telling me he misses me and wants another chance to make things right. While my patience for him was growing lean each day, my acceptance of the doctor who gave me healing was growing up. I was making myself ready for the day he would propose. Two months later, he didn’t say anything to me. It was all about calls and text messages until he posted on his status about his birthday. I wished him and asked what he would be doing to mark the day. He answered, “Nothing. Unless you have plans for me.” I laughed and said, “I got to know about it a few minutes ago, how can I have plans?” He answered, “We can go out somewhere and get a drink. You’ll wish me a happy birthday again and I’ll pretend it’s the first time. We’ll drink and talk and go home.”

We did just that and that was the first date that opened the floodgate for several others to follow. Every day with him felt special but while I was dreaming of a future with him, my past kept calling and asking for another chance. I even blocked his lines and blocked him on Whatsapp too. 

One evening I was out with my doctor friend when a call came through. Before the call, the conversation was so good and it was going exactly where I wanted it to go. It looked like he was going to propose and I felt it. Just when we were about to get to the climax, the call came through. I ignored it at first but it came again and again. He asked me to pick up the call and I said I’d rather ignore it for us to continue talking. He insisted so I picked up. Guess who it was, my ex calling with a new line to find out what I was doing and if he could visit. I screamed on the phone, “How many times should I tell you not to call me again? If you try it one more time, you won’t be happy with what you may find.”

I hung up the call but it looked like I hung up the night too. From there everything went bland, especially after I told him who called me. The conversation ceased. He didn’t talk until I asked questions. We could sit quietly for several minutes. I asked if everything was alright and he said yeah. His answer didn’t reflect his actions but I let him be. We drew the curtains down on our date and went home. Since then, he has changed totally. He doesn’t call often and doesn’t text until I do. He’ll miss my call and won’t call back until I call before he tells me he was busy. Everything is messed up and I’m wondering what I can do to lift things up again. 

30 People Advice Their Ex and Talk About Why It Didn’t Work–Beads Media

He didn’t propose to me so it’s hard to ask him questions. I want to ask him if he’s withdrawing because of my ex. I want to tell him I need him so much so he shouldn’t withdraw. I want to do something to restore what we had but I don’t want to look needy and begging for his attention. What should I do to make things right again? I can swear he was going to propose that night. Every question he asked and every nod of his head pointed to the fact that we were going to end the night as a couple but that call came in to destroy everything we had built all night.

–Shirley

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