It all started when I met Prince while I was working in a restaurant. He was a regular customer and we chit-chat whenever he came in. The more we talked the more we shared with each other. He explained that he was going through a divorce. He didn’t give me details of what was going on and I didn’t ask. I just decided to be there for him as a friend. In the course of our friendship, he expressed love interest in me. From the little I came to know, he was a nice guy. However, I was sceptical about getting involved with him. I come from a family that does not condone divorce so I knew that they wouldn’t approve of my relationship with him.
I rejected him but he kept pushing until I accepted his proposal. I thought to myself, “I have already fallen in love with him. What’s the point playing hard to get? When push comes to shove I’ll fight my family to be with him.”
Our love grew. The bond between us tightened with each passing day. When you’re in love with someone who treats you with care and kindness, all other little things fall in place. That’s what happened between us. With his help and guidance, I became a better person in all dimensions of my life. It’s the reason I was relentless in pursuing his love for me.
When we walked by, I wanted the world to know he was mine. When someone asked me who he was to me, I wasted no time explaining our love story to the person. When the time was right, I took him home and introduced him to my parents. As expected, they showed their displeasure. “A man is not divorced until he’s divorced. He didn’t get married with just words so he can’t get a divorce with words. What ought to be done has to be done to straighten what’s crooked,” they said. He told my parents, “I’m very close to putting everything behind me. In fact, my marriage is as good as over.”
My dad softens his stand about the whole thing. I realized he was ready to bend a little but he wasn’t going to just bend without caution. He told my boyfriend, “Yes, I understand what you’re saying but technically you are still married. Come back and see us when you’ve finalized your divorce.”
While my dad’s demeanour was instilling hope in my heart my mom was still stiff and steadfast in her resolve. She shook her head in our presence. She said it wasn’t possible even if Prince eventually leaves his wife. “You shouldn’t be the reason a man would leave his wife. It’s different if you met him divorced. He’s not. You’re the one pushing him. I can’t take that.”
That aside, she was also concerned about my well-being. She told me, “Ex-wives never settle, especially when there’s a new woman in the picture. If you don’t take care, they’ll bewitch you. They’ll mess up your life and do everything to bring you down. Don’t follow love and fall in a ditch. I won’t allow that to happen.”
A girl in love can’t be told what to do. I insisted he was all I wanted. “He’s the only one who had loved me right. Where else do you want me to go?” These exchanges brought a lot of tension between my mother and me. There were days I felt lost. It seemed like I was choosing the love of a man over my own family. It was difficult but I fought through it. When my mother saw that I wouldn’t back down, she gave me her blessings.
A year and a half into the relationship, he started acting up. All that while, he knew I was fighting my family for the two of us to be together but he never asked about it. At some point, he wouldn’t answer my calls or reply to my texts. He also started giving me excuses when I tried to visit him. I didn’t know what was going on. I asked him questions but he didn’t give me any reasonable answers. I thought about how foolish I would look in the eyes of everyone if he left me. This made me depressed. I was always crying. The man I fought for was turning his back on me and that hurt.
I spoke to a few of his friends. They all assured me they would talk to him. After all the talking they did, nothing changed about our relationship. I waited in the dark for five months for him to come around but he didn’t. I started thinking my parents may be right after all. I decided I wouldn’t wait around the corner for someone who might never come. I got up and started moving on.
A bird in the cage would always be alone. Once it’s set free, it definitely would meet another bird in the sky. That’s what happened to me. Once I tried to move on, rays of light started beaming in my direction. Nana came along and we started talking. We had already known each other for about two years so it was easy to pick it from where we were. He proposed to me and I explained to him, “I am with someone but things have been off between us lately. I have moved on but we haven’t broken up officially.” He told me he would give me as much time as I needed to sort things out. The vibe between us is good. Nana had slowly crawled to the upper part of my heart where all love resides. He is intelligent, he cooks, he cleans, and he likes to speak my love language. Whenever something is not right between us, we talk about it and it’s resolved.
What would a girl do? Go ahead and accept the proposal right? That’s exactly what I did. Just when we were about to bounce off the surfaces of our love journey, Prince resurfaced and started acting like I was his. I told him, “No you can’t just appear out of nowhere and act like you didn’t leave me when I needed you the most. No, that can’t happen.” I tried to break up with him officially but he refused. He started giving me reasons for his absence; “Your family didn’t like me so I didn’t want to push it. That was what broke up my marriage. I also took some time off to finalize my divorce. I’m fully divorced now.”
I told him, “That’s a cruel thing to do. You just disappeared on me without any explanation. Well, I have news for you. I have someone else now so move on.”
He said I fought for him at first so he is also going to fight for me.
He texts me and I ignore it. I don’t answer his calls either. He tells me we can work things out. The truth is, I still love him. I didn’t fully wash him off my heart. Yeah, if he didn’t come again then slowly he would have been off my system. But he came back. Now I don’t know what to do. I love Nana. He wasn’t just a placeholder. He earned his place in my heart. He did everything right. The bird I met in the sky when I flew off Prince’s cage. How do I let him go?
I’m now torn between two lovers and don’t know what to do.
Prince messed up but we have a history. We have good times and beautiful memories between us. Nana is perfect, and sweet and is the canary who sang to calm my troubled heart but he’s new. What if he changes along the line? The question also is what if I go back to Prince and he disappears on me again?”
I know that my family will approve of Nana and welcome him wholeheartedly. He seems like the obvious choice but my heart is confused. I have been thinking about this. I am not able to even sleep at night. I don’t know what to do. I need help. I need a second opinion. I don’t want to get it wrong this time.
—Anwhinipa
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