I’m getting married soon, but there’s confusion in my family about where my bride price should go. Some members of my family say it’s supposed to go to my biological father and his people. Others say I should let them give it to the person I believe is my father. Without a single shred of doubt in my soul, that person is my sister’s husband.
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When I turned thirteen, my elder sister got married and took me in. Eventually, she and her husband legally adopted me. I dropped my biological father’s surname and took my sister’s husband’s surname. He has been my dad ever since then.
Along the way, they got a divorce due to personal differences. I was in my second year at the university, so I felt I was old enough to leave their home and find my own path. I had lived with them for ten years.
Despite the divorce, my sister’s ex-husband continued to support me until I completed school. He could have stopped, but he didn’t, and I really appreciate that. That’s why I don’t miss any opportunity to honour him.
Even now, I still bear his surname because it’s the name I’ve used in all my documents.
That’s why I feel he should be the one we present as my father. So that he will come along with his family to collect my dowry. I feel doing this is the most solid thing I can do to honour him for all the ways he took care of me.
As for my biological family, my father is late. And since I was born, he never spent anything on me. In fact, my biological family don’t even know my whereabouts.
Given all this, some members of my family are insisting I go and look for them. They said custom demands I inform them that I am getting married. And when I do, they are the ones I should ask to represent my father at the marriage ceremony.
I Was Fine Until I Was Alone In My Room
I don’t know if I should listen to these people and do something I don’t want to do, or if I should do what my heart desires and let the man I know as my father collect what is rightfully his?
What do you think I should do? And how should I deal with the difficult relatives who may stand in my way? One of their reasons is that the man is no longer married to my sister, so our family ties with theirs have been dissolved.
— Lisa
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The man you know as your father is the answer. Where were your bio father’s family when you were raised as someone’s child? No where? So let them remain there. Give honour to whom it’s due.They can’t reap where they didn’t sow.
You’re making a simple matter difficult with your indecision. Your sister’s husband not only cared for you, but he also legally adopted you. So I don’t see the need for arguments. He’s your father – legally and in deed.
Honour him with your brideprice.
these two things make him the right man to receive ur dowry:
Legal adoption
Bearing his name
u don’t need to worry about this, stay focus
Once he’s legally adopted you and have taken care of you through out. I it’s in order to honor him with this. I don’t see why you should worry about your biological father’s family since they’ve never been part of your life.
Your decision will have a bearing on future generations. The reason people don’t adopt in Ghana 🇬🇭 is that at the end of the day the child will go back to the biological family.
The one who made the choice to give you his name and cater for you and contribute to who you are today is worthy of standing tall as your father.
Your maternal family members and sisters may want to use you as a pawn in their own struggles with your dad/ their ex but you don’t to have to let them. Show gratitude and maturity by having your dad with you every step of the marriage. It will be a good sign to your new husband that you understand loyalty.