My girlfriend had a job that paid her pennies. She was always complaining, and I complained too. I told her to hold on while she looked for a better job. To make life easier for her, I decided I would pay her transportation cost for the month and also give her money for lunch. So in a month, I gave her GHC400.

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One evening, she opened her WhatsApp and showed me a message from her boss. The man had been on her neck, asking for a date. In the last message, the man said, “Just meet me at the place and everything might change for good.”

He was asking my girlfriend to meet him at a hotel. I was so angry I wanted to confront him, but she asked me not to. I told her to quit the job before the man forced himself on her. When the month ended, she quit the job. But I took her phone and responded to the boss’s message, “Continue sleeping with everyone. One day your cup will be full. Idiot!”

He called, and I picked up. I told him I sent the message, and he hung up. My girlfriend was home, but it was better than having a job that didn’t even pay for the energy you expend on it every day.

Because she was home, I increased the amount to GHC600 a month. This wasn’t the only money I gave her in a month, but it was a lump sum to help her get around. Because she didn’t have a job, she was always in my house. I left for work every day, leaving her inside my room, and I would come back to meet her there.

She would cook, eat, watch Netflix, and sleep. There was nothing on Netflix this girl hadn’t watched. She had stopped looking for a job just to rely on me solely. I pushed her. One morning, I pushed her out and locked my door. I told her to go and look for a job, and let’s meet in the evening after work.

Nothing happened. Six months later, she was still home. This time, she was no longer visiting like she used to. Sometimes I had to even beg her to come around before she came. She told me, “You said I should look for a job, so I’m busy looking for one. Don’t blame me if you don’t see me that much.”

After that conversation, she texted, “Please increase the monthly allowance. Life is hard these days.”

I told her I wasn’t going to increase anything until she found a job to do with her hands. I even suggested selling things on TikTok since she had a good following there and was posting meaningless videos every day. She told me her fans didn’t want to see her selling. They didn’t follow her because she was a seller.

She posted a photo of herself in a very nice car. I could see the hand of the one driving but not his face. I didn’t ask any questions until she posted another one in a different dress in the same car. I don’t have a car, so whose car is this girl sitting in and making videos in? I checked her TikTok, and she had a lot of videos in that same car.

I asked her, “Who’s that?”
“A friend.”
“What kind of friend that you’re always in his car?”
“Just a friend. Take it or leave it.”

Later, she said I was scared someone would take her away because I didn’t want to increase her monthly allowance. I got so angry I stopped giving her money. When she called at the end of the month and I told her I wasn’t going to give her money again, she posted a video of herself in that same car. This time, the guy’s face showed. She captioned the video, “Thank God for men who care. Get you an intentional man.”

I called to threaten her a little, and this girl told me I should go to hell and not come back to her life again. She cut the call and blocked me. Even when I went to her place, she threatened to send guys to come and beat me. She was young, just twenty-three. I thought she would listen while I led her to a great place, but she left me.

I was heartbroken and disturbed, but you see, life goes on, so I went on with my life and healed. Months later, I ran into her sister in town, and she asked if I’d heard from my ex. I said, “Oh, since we ended, we haven’t talked.”

“Are you aware she nearly died?”
“Really? What happened?”

She got pregnant for the guy who owned that car and agreed to abort. She nearly died because of the drug she took. Even at the time we were talking, she said she wasn’t completely healed, so she was living with her mother.

I called her because I’m human, and because matters of life and death should be something we care about. I asked about her health, and she went on and on and on, and finally concluded, “Can you please send me something? It’s been hard.”

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I sent her something, and when she tried calling her way back into my life, I blocked her. She found what she thought was gold. She can’t come back to the dust she left behind. So I tell the women I date right from the start what I can give and what I can’t give, what I expect from them, and the fine lines we ought to tread. Once they agree, we move. Once they have a problem they think is irreconcilable, we go our separate ways. Life should be that simple.

—Valentine

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