The first time Sherif told me he loves me I was happy, but I was also concerned. I recall asking him, “Babe, you are Muslim, and I am a Christian. How is this going to work?” The only thing he said and continued saying whenever I brought up my concern is, “That is not something we should worry about now. Let’s live in the moment, and cross the bridge of religious differences when we get there. For now, I love you and you love me, and all is right with the world. So let’s enjoy it.”
I love him so I believed that our love would triumph in the end. And I also strongly believe that religions should not define our relation towards people but rather teach us to live together, seeing as we are all worshipping the same God. So Sherif and I made a pact, that no matter what happened in the relationship, our religions wouldn’t come between us. This has been one of the foundations of our relationship. And it has kept us together for four years. Like wine, our love has matured with time, and it is better than ever. Our relationship has been like a bouquet of roses. There are beautiful parts like the rose petals, and there are bad days like the thorns on the flower stem. But at the end of the day, our hearts belong to each other.
Sherif is a sweet guy. He helps me all way around. He gives me the attention I deserve and so much more. I have never loved a man all my life like the way I love this man. Our intention is to get married as soon as possible. We want to have a traditional wedding, and then sign our marriage certificate in court. When it comes to how we will raise our kids, we have agreed to teach them both religions, so that they will choose their paths when they grow up. We also agreed that he will not marry a second wife even though his religion permits it. See, we have it all figured out.
Sherif’s family is on board with whatever we want to do. They support our relationship, and they don’t seem concerned about our plans for the future. Left to them alone, we would have been married right now. However, my family has become a hurdle in our path. Scratch that, hurdles can become overcome or moved right? The word to describe my family is mountain. They have become a colossal mountain in our path. No matter what we do, they will not be moved. Their objections to our relationship started right when we started dating, I thought that when they get to see how much Sherif and I love each other they would change their minds, but no.
Their decision not to let me marry him has not changed in the past four years. I have fought them severally over this. We go for days talking, because of this same issue about my choice of a husband. Right now I am torn and tired. I have held on for this long but they won’t change their mind. The sad part about all this is, they don’t care that he makes me happy. They haven’t gotten to know the type of man he is. They are just saying no to him because of his religion. How can you dismiss someone’s happiness just because you don’t agree with their religion?
I have discussed my people’s objections with Sherif but he said, “Look, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you unapologetically. I am not deterred by your family’s objections. Let’s still stick to our marriage plans. When push comes to shove, we will do this with or without their blessings.” I can’t do what he wants and lose my family, so I asked him; “Will you convert to Christianity for me? After all, we are worshiping the same God right? So it shouldn’t matter if you worship him as a Muslim or as a Christian.” His response was, “Babe it doesn’t work like that. Conversion has to be done willingly. I shouldn’t be forced to do it, and neither should I have to do it for anyone’s sake. It should be my decision only.”
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I agree with him but what happens to our love then? Why should I be the one to sacrifice my family for the sake of it? Because once they have said no, that’s it. If I decide to go ahead with the marriage they won’t support me. I have fought them several times but I came out defeated each time. So why can’t Sherif prove his love for me by simply converting to the Christian faith? Or am I being selfish by asking him to do that?
Now, I am wondering if I should continue to go against my parents even if it means getting married without them showing up. Or if I should let go of a good man who loves me, even if it breaks my heart into a million pieces? Please if anyone here has gone through a similar situation and still survived please help me out.
I don’t want to lose a good man, and neither do I want to lose my parents.
I will be reading the comments please help a sister.
—Vicky
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#SB
My dear Vicky, your heart is really troubled and I feel you might end up regretting your decision to abandon your family for the sake of love. Remember that when you two marry and you’re facing serious challenges in your marriage, it’s your family that will be the shoulder you will lean on.
Yes, you may be in love now but what happens when you fall out of love later in the marriage. Can you bring your family back? I once dated a Muslim lady but due to that religious beliefs, we had to part ways even though our love was great. It was painful initially but in the end, you will have peace of mind knowing well that your family is behind you.
I’m writing this comment with the assumption that you indeed are the Christian you say you are:
Please be wise. God did not make a mistake when he admonished us to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Please don’t think you’re wiser than God, nor that your situation is an exemption to this scripture. The foundation of our lives and the basis of every decision we make must be the Word of God, so if your relationship/marriage isn’t founded upon the rock of the Word, you’re likely not going to be able to stand the inevitable storms of life when they hit your marriage.
Everything we are instructed in the Bible to do is not for God’s benefit, but for ours. You think he makes you happy today, but no one knows tomorrow. Marriage is a very long journey and feelings are fickle, so you cannot afford to make a marriage decision solely based on how you feel or how good you think a person is. In addition, your family is a support system you cannot afford to dismiss and possibly end up losing only in the name of “love”. Instead of fighting your family, you should rather be thankful that they are there to give you this advice.
I know many great Muslims and indeed, it’s fantastic to have a good Muslim friend. However, marriage is a whole other matter altogether.
Vicky, please open your eyes and listen to your family and more importantly to the Word of God!
Choose your family and not Love. U can’t have another family but u can find another Love someday. It is ridiculous to think that u want to go through marriage with or without ur family approval and blessings. Don’t do something u might end up regretting someday
I’m going through something similar we are of the same faith both Christians but my mother doesn’t approve what then do you advise.