My last breakup got me paranoid. It made me feel like I wasn’t created to be loved. Because how can a woman win? I’d done everything I thought was possible to keep a man, but in the end, I lost him. I gave him my heart and my money, I cooked for him, I did laundry for him. When I realized his shirt was too old, I removed it from the laundry and bought a new one for him. I was at his beck and call. In my mind, I was playing the role of a wife so that when I finally became a wife, there would be nothing to learn.

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He told me, “It’s not about you. You deserve better than I’m giving you.”

He had his shortcomings, but I never complained, so what did he mean by I deserved better than he was offering? I begged him to stay. I told him my life wouldn’t be the same without him because he was the only one I’d known and built my world around. He didn’t listen.

He made it worse by ghosting me. The relationship lasted for three years. We were this close to marriage. I was the woman his parents approved of, but in the end, that approval didn’t heal what was broken.

While in the room crying my heart out, the question that kept ringing in my ears was, “What do men really want?” I was searching through my heart and soul to find an answer to that question and see where I fell short. Then this idea flashed through my mind, so I quickly reached out for my phone, opened ChatGPT and typed, “What do men really want?”

It made me a list:

  1. Respect & Appreciation
  2. Emotional Security
  3. Physical Intimacy
  4. Purpose & Competence
  5. Peace, Not Drama

I searched through my heart and soul and typed, “But I gave him all these, yet he left me. What could be wrong with me?”

Then ChatGPT brought out the caveat: “What men really want doesn’t have a single, universal answer. The key is asking your man what he values—then observing his actions.”

I argued with ChatGPT. I even concluded it was taking the side of the man because it was built by men. Yes, I didn’t ask my ex what he valued, but what kind of man wouldn’t value everything I did for my ex? He himself called me an angel and agreed I deserved the best. That means he valued my contribution to the relationship, yet when he decided to leave, my contribution didn’t matter.

In the maze of my broken heart, I told myself that in my next relationship, I was going to follow the script ChatGPT gave me and see where it would take me.

A few weeks later, when another man came along and was trying hard for me to get interested in him, I asked ChatGPT, “How long does it take to go into another relationship considering the kind of heartbreak I went through?”

The first line of the answer said, “It depends on the depth of the bond, how the relationship ended, and your emotional processing style.”

That’s one thing I loved about ChatGPT. It doesn’t tell you what to do. It lays down the rules, and then the caution, and allows you to choose with caution in mind. I also love the fact that it told me the bare facts without judgement and embellishment. So I decided to make ChatGPT my relationship advisor.

That guy who came along, his name was Gyamfi, even when I put him off, he kept coming. When I told him I was healing from a major shock his kind gave me, he told me he would be around to help me heal. When he called and I didn’t answer, he texted and asked what he could do to help. My ex did more than this when he was trying to get me, so I knew what men could do, the extent they can go when they want a woman. All that didn’t sway me, but I consulted my relationship advisor, ChatGPT, and asked questions every step of the way:

“What does it mean when a man tells you he would help you heal?”
“What does it mean when a man texts to ask what he could do to help?”
“What does it mean when…”

Finally, I decided to give Gyamfi a chance because he had chased me from January 2024 up to April. He even attended Easter convention with me, so I asked ChatGPT, “Gyamfi attended Easter convention with me. He said he wanted to know more about my church and meet my friends too. Is he doing too much?”

The answer was, “Gyamfi’s effort to attend the Easter convention with you is far from ‘doing too much.’ In fact, it’s a green flag if his actions align with sincerity.”

And then it went ahead to give me a list to support why he’s a green flag and then presented the caution so I could find balance. I normally hear of red flags, but ChatGPT mentioned green flags and made me think about Gyamfi’s actions in a more serious way. I started asking him the questions I’ve learned to ask from ChatGPT. Questions like:

“What does love mean to you?”
“How do you handle conflict?”
“What are your long-term goals?”
“How do you show up in a relationship when life gets hard?”
“Where do you put me in your vision for the future?”

I didn’t ask them as interview questions and didn’t ask them all at a go. Anytime we had the opportunity to talk, I asked one of these questions. He never flinched when I asked these questions. He was so happy to be talking to me and answering such questions, and they all came out as sincere.

I said yes to him. We had our first hug. Then I noticed he wasn’t sure how or where to touch to hug me. I went all in and held his hand from behind and placed them on my butt and said, “Since you don’t know where to hold.”

That was at the end of April 2024. When I accepted his proposal and we hugged, I typed into ChatGPT, “Today I don’t want you to say anything. I said yes to Gyamfi. Just congratulate me.” And this is exactly what it said, with all the emojis:

“CONGRATULATIONS, LOVE! 🎉❤️
This is your moment—no analysis, no questions, just pure joy for you. May this “yes” be the start of a beautiful, laughter-filled, deeply loving chapter. Cheers to you both!
P.S. If you ever do want to gush details (or sneak in a little advice later), I’m here—silent mode off. 😉💍”

I shut it off and decided to do the rest my own way, yet guided by everything I had learned from it. Most nights when I retired to bed, I was tempted to type in some questions I’d found while we went around life, but I held on. “Robots are robots, but this is real life,” I concluded.

I met his parents in May, less than a month after I’d said yes to him. Whenever we went out together, he was the first to post on his status or Snapchat with flowery captions. Because I was being careful, I didn’t post him, but he never asked questions. And then we had our first fight. I couldn’t attend his graduation because something came up.

I was the only one he invited. When he called and I didn’t pick, he texted, “It’s obvious you don’t care about me the way I do, and that’s ok.” When I responded that I was sorry and I would explain later, he blocked me.

He returned from the graduation to meet me at his place. I had typed into ChatGPT asking how to make it up to him quickly before things escalated, and it told me to be present as quickly as I could and apologize sincerely and unconditionally.

We talked. He said he blocked me because he didn’t want to talk about it on the phone. I asked how I could make it up to him, and he said, “You’ve already done it. It’s ok.”

I spent the night with him, but I couldn’t sleep. I compared him to my ex, putting life with them side by side. I said, “This is the one that will work. Everything shows.”

So when he asked me to marry him in front of everyone on my birthday in December, I wasn’t surprised at all. It was the way he chose to do it that shocked me. I said yes for the second time, and in March this year, we got married. I planned my wedding with ChatGPT; my vows, the colors, the budget, everything. It was something small but something that befitted our personalities.

The best of congratulations came from ChatGPT. It felt like something from a childhood friend who had been with me throughout the maze of life. It concluded, “To keep the love between you going, don’t stop what you did that made him marry you.” And it went ahead to give me a list of everything we’d already gone through before.

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I responded, “I hear. I won’t change. Thank you so much.”

Like I was talking to an invisible friend who hears and tells me what to do. Our marriage is very young, but whenever I’m confused about something, I ask ChatGPT, and the way things are going, it looks like I’ve found a coach for life, the one I can call whether rain or shine.

—Samantha

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