What Do You Do When Your Boyfriend’s Wife Wants To Be Your Friend?

After I broke things off with my ex who impregnated another lady, I decided to learn a skill. So I started training to become a nail technician. A week into the work I boarded a trotro on my way home when I met a guy. He was sitting behind me but I felt his eyes on me. The back of my head felt heavy but I couldn’t turn to look at the person.

When I got to my stop, I alighted and started walking away. Then I heard someone calling me. I turned around and saw a guy who was also getting out of the car, so I stopped. When he got closer he said, “I just want to tell you that you have very beautiful hair.” I smiled and said, “Thank you.” He asked for my number next. And I gave it to him.

He called me after a few minutes and introduced himself as Ben. I didn’t hear from Ben again until somewhere in late September 2022 when he started texting me on WhatsApp. I went with the flow because I had become lonely after the whole drama with my ex. I did not see him as someone I wanted to date. I wasn’t even available for such a thing and fortunately he did not propose anything to me. So I just enjoyed my friendship with him.

It got to a point where I did not hear from him again, but it had not occurred to me to check up on him. He was always the one initiating the conversations, anyway. When I next heard from him, it was a call on WhatsApp. “Why are you calling me on WhatsApp when you can call on a regular call?” I asked. He answered, “I travelled out of the country for work.”

I asked about his job and he told me he is a mechanical engineer and that he works on ships so he is mostly out-of the country whenever his batch is traveling. After that, we started talking every day. He would call me every morning, afternoon, and evening. Whenever he was on break and I was available, we would talk.

This went on for about three months so one day I got curious and asked him, “Don’t you have anyone else to talk to?” He explained that sometimes he calls his mother. That’s all he said.

After a while, he started preparing to come back in January this year when he had spent four months on the sea. So he proposed to me. Although I liked him, I turned him down. I suggested we meet in person first before we take our relationship to the next level. He agreed and we continued talking until the early days of February when he gave me the date he was coming back to Ghana.

I anticipated his return but he stopped calling me all of a sudden. This time I didn’t wait for him to get in touch with me. I called him on a regular call and it went through. He didn’t pick up immediately but he called me back later. He said he arrived safely and was taking some rest so I didn’t bother him again.

When he got rested enough, we made plans that he would visit me at where I work. However, he kept making excuses that he didn’t have time. I also observed that he stopped calling me after 6 pm. Even when I called him, he wouldn’t answer me. I thought about everything and started feeling like he was either married or had a woman living with him.

So one morning when he called I asked him, “Ben, are you a family man? I am asking because you are behaving like one.” This guy laughed and said, “Where is this coming from? I am just busy taking care of a few things. When I finish, I will take care of you.” I questioned why he doesn’t take my calls in the evening, and he said he goes to bed early and that he puts his phone on charge so he doesn’t hear it ring.

Eventually, he made time and came to my shop one day. When he came he proposed a relationship again. This time around I was ready to give him a try but I was also cautious. I asked him again, “Ben, are you sure you don’t have any woman in your life?” I asked this question three times and each time, this dude looked me in the eye and said, “No.”

I brought out my phone and told him I was going to record his answer on video for future reference if anything happened, and he agreed. After our second meeting, we decided to go out on a proper date. On our date, I asked when he was going to take me to his place. He told me, “Currently, I am living with a roommate. So it will take a while.” I felt like he was giving me a Kwaku Ananse story, but I didn’t say anything.

Throughout our conversations, he talked about the fact that women always cheat on him because of his job. He even said women faked pregnancies to extort money from him. I consoled him that all hope was not lost and that I am a good girl.

One week after our last meeting, I sent him pictures of some items that I wanted him to get for me. Early the next morning, I received a call from an angry woman. To cut the long story short, this guy had been married for four years. He had two kids with his wife. A wife that he claimed he didn’t have. The woman screamed all sorts of insults and threats at me, but I kept my cool until I couldn’t take it anymore and hung up.

After that, I called Ben and asked him again, “Are you married?” He denied it yet again. I asked, “So who called to warn me to stay away from you?” He was surprised that his wife had my number. It was then that he confessed that she was not his wife. He said they were just living together and raising kids.

His explanation did not sit well with me so I called his wife with a different number. When she answered, I said; “I need you to calm down so that I can talk to you.” She started recording the call so she’d have something to use against him.

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That day I did not hide anything from her. I told her everything; the video calls, the late-night calls, the fact that he said he didn’t even have a girlfriend not to talk of a wife, and my conversation with him that morning. As usual, he was lying. The woman said they’ve been wedded so they are not merely cohabiting. He even lied that his wife is a trader, meanwhile, she is a military officer.

After our talk, she called me in the evening and apologized to me for how she came at me. She also asked that I forgive her husband. “I like you. Can we be friends?” She finally asked.  I didn’t want anything to do with her so I blocked her and blocked her husband too.

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I haven’t heard from them again but I know they are still together. I doubt if Ben will ever try that nonsense again. I am just happy that at the end of the day, I didn’t lose anything. I was not hurt or disappointed by his actions. For some reason, his presence in my life helped me get over my ex.

It was all good, because he never got a single hug from me, not to talk of shuperu. I, on the other hand, spent his GHC1000. I have used that as compensation for all the nights I stayed up to talk to him, and all the insults his wife threw at me. I call this a win-win affair.

—Lydia 

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