My husband and I relocated abroad in search of greener pastures. We are both devout Christians so one of the first things we did was find a church. Fortunately, we don’t live too far from one of the branches of our home church. We felt right at home the first time we visited them. After service, a man spoke to us to try and get to know us. That was when we realised that he was also a Ghanaian like us. We were all excited to find each other.

A few weeks after we met Asare at church, we were hanging out in his house for game nights with him and his wife, Dora. They are a lovely couple. One thing about them that made my husband and I welcome them into our lives is their spirituality. You could say that they are on fire for God. It was nice for me to meet someone outside my husband I could pray with, and have Bible studies with. That person for me was Dora.

Although she is my age, she plays the role of the big sister in our friendship. Whenever my husband and I are having problems, I would call her and we would talk about it. She always had a warm and godly counsel for me. “What does the Bible say about this situation?” She would ask. We would read a verse together and she would pray with me. That was the nature of our friendship.

There were times she suggested we spend time together; just the two of us but I was mostly busy. So the only time we spent together was when we were all meeting with our families. She and Asare have two children together. Most of the times we met, we were not even alone together for a second. We were always in the company of someone or many others.

One day I was there when she sent me a photo of herself. She was wearing a long and loose dress. She looked every bit a housewife with her hair tied in a messy ponytail. She asked me, “How do I look in this outfit?” I was taken aback. I had no idea what to say but I didn’t want to be rude so I said, “You look beautiful.” I don’t know if it was the compliment I gave her or what, but it became a habit. She would randomly send me photos of herself and ask me how she looked. I would also tell her she looked beautiful.

It got to a point when she started taking photos of me unaware. She would send it to me and ask, “What were you thinking about when you had that look on your face?” I would say something silly like, “Maybe the food I left unfinished at home,” and we would laugh. Sometimes she would point out a part of my body that was exposed in a photo she took. Then she would admonish me for wearing revealing attire. “As a married Christian woman,” she would say, “You have to cover up at all times. Your body belongs to your husband, not a sight to feed the eyes of perverts who will ogle you.” I always smiled politely and thanked her for her advice.

Just the other day she attended a friend’s birthday party and sent me photos of herself. Once again I told her she looked beautiful. To keep the conversation going, I asked her what she ate at the party. All of a sudden Dora asked me, “You are interested in what I ate? Is it because you want to eat me?” There are people who say certain things to you and you are not even surprised. Dora is not one of them. She is the kind of person I cannot even associate with sex. How could I possibly think of her in that light when she is holier than thou?

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I asked her what she meant by her statement and she said, “You act like you want to f**k me.” Shock. Confusion. Disgust. I felt it all. I was shocked because we are both women. How could she possibly think like that? Yes, I understand that the world has changed, but we are married Christian women for Christ’s sake. Why would I consider adultery with someone of my own gender to start with? Truly, I was appalled she would think such a thing.

What confused me was the fact that I don’t spend time alone with her. All the times we met as a group, we were never alone. When I asked her if I did anything to give her the impression that I was interested in her in that way, she said I touched her. By that, she meant I hugged her once. That is the only time I recall touching her. I don’t go out of my way to be in her company. I only talked to her about godly things and marital problems. We have never had a sexual conversation. She is not even someone I would go to if I was having problems in that department.

He Woke Me Up At 2 am And Asked Me To Go To My Mother’s House


I assured her that I had no interest in her in that regard. The whole thing upset me so I spoke to a friend about it. My friend said Dora only said that because she is interested in me in that way. And that she might be projecting her feelings onto me in hopes that she would receive a favorable response. I don’t know what to think anymore.

I just know that things have become so awkward between us. I am wondering if I should tell my husband so we stop spending time with them. Or if I should just act as if nothing of that sort has happened and allow the friendship to go on? I am not sure how to move on from this. Please what do I do?

—Leila

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