I met Thomas at my workplace. He was posted there before I was also posted there. Because we were both employed within a certain period we were assigned to live in the same compound. This brought us close to each other.
Right from the moment we met, we just clicked. We would go to work together and leave work for the house together. At the beginning of our friendship, he had a girlfriend. I met her a few times when she came to visit him. And on one occasion he introduced me to her. They seemed genuinely in love so I was happy for them.
At that time I was single. I wasn’t looking to enter a relationship so I was just happy to be Thomas’ friend. We were getting along nicely until I noticed that he was getting too close to me. The signs he was giving me were confusing but I didn’t complain. I had started falling in love with him so I didn’t mind the closeness.
He would come to my place and I would cook for him, and we would eat together. I would even wash his clothes and help him with other chores. I did all this in the name of friendship. I had no expectations whatsoever that he would return my affections. So I was surprised when he came to my room one hot Sunday afternoon that he had something to tell me. I knew what he was going to say just by looking at his face.
He confessed, “I have fallen in love with you, Ama. I have felt this way about you for a while now. I don’t know what to do.” I was so happy to hear his confession that I also laid my heart before him. We got lost in the moment and ended up having shuperu. It was after the high wore off that I realized what I had done. I had just slept with somebody’s boyfriend.
I didn’t want us to continue our relationship the way we started it so I asked him to make things right. “If you want to be with me then you have to break up with your girlfriend. I can’t in good conscience let you string both of us along.” That’s what I told him to do.
I don’t have proof that he broke up with his girlfriend but she came to visit him. After she left, he said he was no longer with her. I felt bad that their relationship was ruined but I looked forward to us being happy together.
He is always in my room these days. We are every bit the happy couple except for one small thing. He said he had some plans for his ex that he needs to fulfil. I didn’t have a problem with that. This guy has never spent a pesewa on me, but he has been sending money to his ex. Every now and then, he calls her to check up on her. When I complain he says he cares about her and that he just wants to be her friend.
I have been reading their chats. I don’t see anything to make me suspect that they are still together. It’s mostly my boyfriend begging his ex that they should be friends. And every time he says this she turns him down. She says she doesn’t love him anymore so he should leave her alone. He responds to her rejection with sad emojis.
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His behaviour makes me uncomfortable. I am not in touch with my ex so why does he still want to be in touch with his? I have complained several times but all he says is, “I am not going to be talking to her every day. I just want to make sure she is happy.” What about my happiness?
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He assures me that he loves me. He is there for me when I need him. There was a time someone was giving me problems at work. He defended me in front of everyone. Our colleagues don’t know we are dating. They think we are just friends and I want to keep it that way. Once, his ex threatened to tell our colleagues about us, but he persuaded her not to.
I don’t doubt that he cares about me. However, I am confused about this whole ex thing. Does he truly love me? Or he is just using me to satisfy his sexual desires? I need to know if this love is real, so I don’t end up with regrets. Please, advise me.
—Ama
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My dear have one on one chatt with him . If you see no change then my dear leave him. To me he is still pining on his ex . If he truly loves you he will give you the accorded respect. Maybe what you see on the surface is not what it seems to be. Do you own investigation. Give him rules to follow and if he meets all these rules. Then he loves you more than his ex. Don’t go gorilla on him ,give him freedom. If you give it to him he will let his guard down and if there is anything fishy you will take notice of it.
Listen to yourself, he has never spend a pesewa on you yet sends money to his ex…are you correct in the head? WAKE UP GIRL
Madam I’m sure he is using you to get sexual gratifications, because of the close proximity you guys share.
Your story show that his heart is still yearning for his Ex girlfriend.
He can’t eat his cake and still have it. He is just keeping up with his Ex so that the slightest thing that happens he will fall back on her again.
Emotionally, he hasn’t broken up with his Ex.
He is still emotionally connected.
Please be wise before you are taking for granted.
Have a word with him again and observe for sometime. If he still hasn’t changed then is not serious with you.
I think you both need to access yourselves, for all you know what you both have is lust and not love especially because of the close proximity.
All the best.
You said he hasn’t given u a pesewa but sends money to his Ex and still you know he cares about you? 😂😂😂 Eiii, Obaa shine your eyes wai. He doesnt love you.