If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

Two days before the wedding, I told Janet, “I’m going to meet my mom today with our pastor. Even if she doesn’t support the marriage, at least, her presence should be felt. She won’t listen to me so I’m going with the pastor. Pray she agrees to attend the wedding.” She told me she wanted to go with me. I didn’t agree. She had suffered too much venom from my mother. I didn’t want her to suffer some more just a couple of days before our wedding. She insisted. I resisted. She called the pastor and asked him if she could go with us. It was the pastor who convinced me to let her go with us. He said, “Maybe if she sees her, the motherly instinct in her would kick.” 

We went together. The three of us. She acted calmly when she saw us. The presence of the pastor might have worked. She offered to give us water and we took it. I know my mom, refusing to take water from her could result in a whole new war. The pastor was the one who spoke first; “Your son ran to me with an issue. I felt if I should approach you and discuss it further, maybe we could reach a consensus so happiness would be restored.” He pleaded with her. He quoted all the quotations in the bible to support his claim. Why mothers have to bless their children before they leave home to start building their own. After, he asked me, “Do you have anything to add.” I shook my head. I didn’t have anything to say. 

Janet took the floor. The way she approached the subject and how she sought to invoke the spirit of motherhood in my mother melted my heart. My eyes welled up with tears but I couldn’t shed them. I watched as she wove her words and presented them pleadingly. She fell on her knees in supplication asking my mom to forget about everything. It was time for my mom to give us a response. She said, “Pastor, I’m never against my son getting married to this woman. I only stated my opinion as a mother. He didn’t listen to my opinion because as you can see, he’s already a man and he knows his left from his right. I didn’t force him to accept what I was saying. I only gave my views. So he has my blessings to marry whoever he wants to marry. I won’t fight him. After all, it’s his life and he knows who he can live that life with. So who am I to come against his choice?”

If you know my mom like I do, you’ll be able to pick out the nuances of her language and body expressions to understand that there was more to what she was saying than meets the ears. She was being sarcastic at best and evasive as well. The pastor fell for her words so he smiled and looked at me. He said, “Danny, this is happy news. You heard your mom. She’s all in support now so what do you have to say?” I asked pleadingly, “So mom, you’ll attend the wedding on Saturday?” Her mood changed. The subtle smile on her face dried up immediately. She said, “You know when my rheumatism comes I’m not able to do a lot. As I speak now, I can hardly step on my right foot. I’m treating it. If it doesn’t get worse by Saturday, why not? You’ll see me there.”

I knew what that meant. She wasn’t going to attend the wedding. She had used that excuse in my presence oftentimes when she was trying to escape a tight deal. Yes, she had rheumatism but when we went there, she was walking just fine. We said our thanks and left her presence. The pastor said, “Let’s hope she’ll come.” I said, “There’s no hope. She isn’t coming but God is on our side. We will do it without her.”

Since my parents got divorced, I could count the number of times my father reached out to my mother to speak with her. When it was time to pay fees and my dad delayed, my mom would call my dad and be confrontational about it. My dad was always running from her, doing everything to avoid her. When my marriage issues started, dad stood up and spoke to my mother on so many occasions. The last one was the day before my wedding. My dad spent hours with her, trying to get her to change her mind but she continued using her sasabrɔ as an excuse.  

She didn’t come but we had a beautiful wedding. My aunt stood in her stead, making sure my mother’s absence was not felt. We had sunshine. We had the rainbow. We had all the beautiful things a marriage like ours needed to be successful. We moved in together and started our own nest. I kept in touch with her. She didn’t pick up my calls often. When she picked, the conversation didn’t cross the minute line. “How are you?” “I’m fine. And you?” After that, there was nothing to say. I breathed through the phone and she also did the same thing. 

Somewhere in November, she called. She told me her rheumatism has resurfaced and she was suffering. I sent money but I forget to call later to ask if she went to the hospital. A week later, when I called, it was another person who picked. She said, “Your mother is in a bad place. You’ll have to come and see her.” The following day I was there and saw how frail she had become. After going in and out of the hospital, and being admitted for days, she was discharged but she wasn’t that well. We brought her home and got her a caretaker—a woman who lives close by. 

Every weekend, my wife would visit her, sending her drugs, money, and cooking for her. She will wash for her and tidy up her place. Because of my mother and her situation, Janet forced us to celebrate Xmas with her so she could feel the presence of a family. In all these endeavors, my mother never opened her mouth to say thank you to Janet. Not even once. Not that she was expecting it but if my mom said it, it would have put Janet at ease and poured more grease in her wheels. Around January, I told her to stop visiting. She wanted to but I had to be strong on her; “If you’re doing all that for her thinking she’ll accept you as an Inlaw then please stop. She’s my mother. You’re an Inlaw she didn’t accept so stop killing yourself for her. The caretaker is enough.”

READ ALSO: He Spent The Weekend With Me When His Wedding Was Only A Week Away

It turned into a mini fight. Then into a full-blown misunderstanding. She said I’ve accused her of being ‘nwhiwhɛ enim’ She stopped going there. I reached out to my mom through phone calls anytime I wanted to talk to her. Now guess what, she’s a little better and can walk so she moves from one family member to another family member, telling them that I and my wife have rejected her and don’t mind her again. She said, “I know it’s his wife who’s behind all that. I saw it coming. I knew she’ll poison my son’s mind against me. I said it but no one believed me. Now see.” 

When my aunt and another uncle of mine told me, all I said was, “This woman will always find a reason to slam my wife. Does that mean she had forgotten everything Janet did for her?” This really got to Janet. First time seeing her in tears because of my mother. I told her to stop trying. “You’re not going to audition for her acceptance. Whether she likes you or not changes nothing. Let’s live and allow her to also live her life.” 

When she needs something and I have it, I send it to her. I visit when I can. I’m doing everything a son can do but I won’t sacrifice my wife on the altar for her. She keeps saying bad things to people about my wife but we no longer care. One day, it will all come to an end somehow and we’ll have our peace.

–Daniel

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