To Me, We Were In Love. To Him, We Were Just Friends With Benefits

While Sony was doing his national service, I was doing my internship. We were in the same organization, that’s actually how we met. He is what we call ‘the ladies’ man’. He had a way with women that always made them trust him and find him charming. We were close friends so I saw how girls swooned over him at the least attention he gave them. However, he didn’t show interest in the multiple women who made it obvious they wanted him. I was the one he wanted. I saw it in the way he behaved toward me. Everything he did felt sincere but I was careful around him.

I was careful around him because of how loosely he spoke to me about girls he slept with. I could be going through my phone and a girl’s photo would show up on one of my apps; WhatsApp, Facebook, or Instagram. Sony would see the phone and say, “Is that not Abena? She is a nice girl. We used to be very close to the point where we slept together.” Sometimes too we would be walking in town and run into a girl. Sony would exchange pleasantries with her and act like a complete gentleman. The moment the person leaves he would tell me, “That’s my ex. We didn’t date for long but we spent a lot of time in bed. She looks calm but she is very wild in the sack.”

In a short time after we met, I had learned so much about his sexcapades that I lost count of the number of ex-girlfriends and friends with benefits he’d had. He freely shared that aspect of his life with me, which only gave me the impression that he was a player. Aside from the whole womanizing thing, he was a nice person. I always enjoyed his company. Although I knew he wanted me, I was determined not to end up on his list of conquests. So I hardened my heart to all his charms.

I was doing really well until my heart started betraying me. Despite everything I knew about Sony I still went ahead and caught feelings for him. It was bad. I tried to control it but I couldn’t. I imagine that is how it feels to get caught in quicksand. The harder I fought my feelings, the deeper I sank into their depths. My internal conflict continued until one day when we kissed. It felt so good that I wanted to do it again. I wanted to do more than just a kiss. So we met at a hotel and did everything two lovers could do. It was even better than the kiss.

He treated me well. We could chat from dawn till dusk and still have something to talk about. All this time, we had not given a clear definition to what we had going on but I knew it was special. What I didn’t know was if I should call him my boyfriend or not. Our colleagues started asking questions about us. They said they were not seeing the two of us well. At times, Sony would tell them to believe whatever they were seeing. Other times too, he would ignore them. They thought it was the normal office boy and girl relationship. While they were busy trying to figure us out, we were also busy meeting in several hotels and having wonderful moments.

Just before I had to leave the internship for school, I noticed a closeness between Sony and another lady who was also doing her national service. I didn’t think much of it until I came back for another internship during the next vacation. After that internship, I stayed with the organization for my national service. Sony and the lady were retained after their service so they remained there. I was happy to be working in the same space again with Sony but I noticed that there was something different about him.

He was still cool with me but there was no public display of affection between us when the lady was around. They went home together every day after work. There were even rumours that he spent the weekends at her house. There were times our colleagues innocently told me about how much Sony cared about this lady, and how they wished the relationship ended well for them. That was when I started paying attention to details. This lady even started getting gifts for Sony’s little sister.

Sony bought her lunch almost every day. There was a day I asked him to get me food on his way back to the office and I almost cried. This guy got me food from a ‘Nyame b3kyer3 joint’ in a black polythene bag, while he bought food from a well-known restaurant in town for the lady. The food was neatly packaged and he even added Blue skies fruit juice to it. Herh!

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His life revolved around this lady and he always did her bidding. Seeing them together gave me heartaches and work was no longer exciting for me. Nevertheless, I was too much in love with him to walk away from him. So while all this was going on, we still met to have fun. I blame it on the fact that I was young and naive. I remember asking him, “What is this thing we have going on? Define it so I know where I stand in your life.” This guy told me, “We are friends with benefits.” “How did I get myself into this situationship?” I wondered.  I became everything I didn’t want to become, another story he would tell the next girl about.

My heart was broken but there was nothing I could do. I put the pieces of my life together and moved on as I watched Sony and this lady flaunt their love. That was my first ever heartbreak and it hurt like hell. The guy was so clueless that he didn’t even know he broke my heart. He did not know I was aware of the relationship he had with the lady. I knew about the times they left the office separately and joined a taxi home together because they did not want to draw attention to themselves.

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Communication died between us gradually but I was okay. After many years, he reached out to me. We had normal conversations about life. I casually asked if he had been hearing from the lady and he said it’s been a while since they spoke. Whether it was true or not, I did not care. Our conversations drifted into relationships and what we had going on in the past. He told me, “I was really in love with you back then but you never took our relationship seriously.” I then referred him to the ‘friends with benefits’ tag he gave us, and he vehemently denied it.

He told me the lady was using him to pass time until someone who was her taste came along. Apparently, she was way out of his league and had taste for exotic things. He couldn’t keep up. He had hopes of starting afresh with me, but I am a big girl now. I am no longer little Miss stuck in silly games and situationships. I wished him all the best in life and continued living my life.