Right from the moment we met at the teacher training college, we became inseparable. Our personalities fit perfectly well together like two pieces of a puzzle. She treated me like her daughter while I also loved her like a sister. What we shared sometimes had people talking behind our backs. “Girls are like that. They are so close today but by tomorrow they will fight and stop talking to each other,” that was what they expected. Well, we were glad to disappoint them.

We understood each other so easily that we barely argued. The few times that we encountered misunderstandings, we didn’t go quiet on each other. You wouldn’t hear either of us telling other people, “Come and listen to what this person did to me.” We sat down and talked through them. When we said, “I am sorry I did that. It won’t happen again,” it was sincere and true. If one person said, “I forgive you,” then they did. Nobody comes back to use past transgressions as a weapon for blackmail.

What we had was pure and honest. When the time came for us to start our menteeship, we chose the same school. We rented an apartment together. People advised us against it, “This may ruin your friendship.” Someone even said, “Two or more women can’t live peacefully in the same room. They end up fighting all the time. Do you want to risk your friendship on that?” I heard one gossip who said, “Sometimes you think you love someone until you live with them. Their friendship won’t survive it.”

Once again, we proved them wrong. We enjoyed living together so much so that we did it again during our national service. We worked in the same school and went home to the same apartment. It did not breed problems between us or separate us as others anticipated.

On my wedding day, she worked tirelessly to make sure the ceremony went on without a hitch. You would think it was her daughter who was getting married. I just want you to know our back story so you would understand how thick our bond was.

Although we were separated after our postings, we still kept the love and the friendship going. That was until last year when she lost her mum. It was around the same time I had just had my baby. I was overwhelmed by motherhood while she was consumed with grief.

Our communication wasn’t as frequent as it used to be but we still talked. She would reach out to check up on us, and I would also call to console her. Her mum passed in August and the burial was in November. Now, this is where I messed up.

My baby was barely three months old so I couldn’t have attended the funeral. I knew she didn’t expect me to show up either. However, I wanted to be there for her somehow. Even if it was a phone call to let her know I was thinking about her, and that I was with her in spirit. It would show her that I care about her.

A few weeks to the funeral, I was balancing my new role as a mum with school. I believe she was also busy with funeral preparations. Because of this, we didn’t talk at all. The funeral was in my mind but for some reason when the date arrived, I completely forgot that it was the burial day. It was when I saw her WhatsApp status that I remembered.

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I felt so horrible. Still, I could have salvaged things. I could have called or sent her a simple text but I was so ashamed of myself that I couldn’t bring myself to do it. We are in March now but I still haven’t spoken to her.

Right now, I know she must be very angry with me. And she has every right to be. If anyone would treat her this way, it shouldn’t have been me. I know I did wrong. I also know that I don’t want the beautiful friendship we’ve built over the years to go down the drain like this. I want to fix things but I don’t know how. I have become like a child who is afraid to go home because she is scared she will be punished after she disobeyed her parents.

I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It

I believe a simple, “I am sorry I did that. It will not happen again,” will not earn me a heartfelt, “I forgive you,” this time around. I need to do something that fits the crime to show her how deeply I regret my actions. When I dial her number, my mind goes blank out of panic and I quickly hung up before the first ring. I have typed and deleted so many text messages because I didn’t have the courage to hit send.

I heard recently from the grapevine that she will be applying for a transfer to town. While I am excited at the prospect of having her live closer to me, it wouldn’t change anything if I don’t make amends. I want my friend back but I don’t know how to make it happen. What is the best apology I can offer her for my actions? What can I say or do to compensate her for my absence on the day she needed me the most? Please, share your thoughts and ideas with me. What’s a woman without her best friend? Help me get her back.

—Lilian

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