I didn’t want to have a long list of ex-girlfriends by the time I was ready to get married. Heck, I didn’t even want to have one ex-girlfriend. My plan was simple. I wouldn’t get into a relationship with anyone until I was sure I could marry that person. It was not an easy plan to stick to, considering the temptations I faced from women throughout adolescence to adulthood. However, self-discipline won the battle for me. In our generation where singlehood is dreaded, I stuck to my principles. I was always the single one in all my friend groups but it didn’t bother me.
It was only after I completed school and started working that I felt ready for marriage. A man who is looking for a wife does not jump into relationships anyhow. So I didn’t do that either. I took my time and studied the women in my life and the ones I came across. I did all this so that my first relationship would lead to marriage.
I was not even searching when I found love in an unlikely place. It was in a WhatsApp group. I remember the date clearly; August 25th, 2022. It was the day I started interacting with Esi in a group chat. She was a charming woman. We started talking by making jokes and teasing each other. I enjoyed it. I looked forward to talking to her every passing day. I didn’t notice I had formed a strong attachment to her until I saw how happy I felt whenever we spoke. If I didn’t hear from her, I would feel like a big chunk of my life was missing. I was new to the relationship scene but I didn’t need anyone to explain my feelings to me. I knew that it was love that I felt.
Esi had all the qualities I wanted in a partner. So I expressed my intentions to her. “I don’t know how it happened but I have fallen in love with you. This is the first time I have felt this way about someone. And I will be very happy if you agree to marry me.” She thought I was joking at first when I mentioned marriage. She laughed in my face and said, “Of course, I love you too. You are such a wonderful guy. So you don’t have to use marriage as bait to get me to have a relationship with you.” I had to explain to her that I was serious, “Esi, I wouldn’t have proposed to you if I didn’t want to marry you. I want this to be my first and only relationship.” She all but melted into a puddle of affection and butterflies when I uttered those words.
We agreed that we would abstain from shuperu until marriage. We also planned that we would get married in the middle of this year. I didn’t meet her parents officially for the marriage list, but Esi gave me a copy of it. The plan was to finish buying the items on the list before I go and see her parents. I bought the pieces of cloth, scarves, and the items meant for her parents. The next thing I chose to buy was kente. Esi suggested, “Let’s order the kente from Kumasi. I know a weaver who will give us the quantity we need for GHC700.” It seemed like a good deal so I gave her GHC400 to make an advance payment.
My commitment to our marriage preparations impressed Esi a great deal. She saw that I was serious about marrying her. So she started singing my praises. “You are the perfect man for me,” she often said. Sometimes she’d look at me, look at the sky, and whisper; “How did I get so lucky with this man?” I was not sure I was doing everything right, but I enjoyed her happiness. So I continued to do the things I knew she loved. She became so happy with me that she decided we should break our rule of abstinence. We ended up doing the deed. There were no regrets because it was something we both wanted.
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A month after I paid the advance for the Kente, my woman called me one early morning. “Babe, the kente is ready. I don’t have enough cash on me to pay the balance, so send me GHC300 to take care of it.” I was in a financial bind at the time. I didn’t have any money to spare. I explained my situation to her and asked her to give me some time. She agreed perfectly, or so I thought. Two days after our conversation, Esi called me. She was angry, “See, if you won’t send me the money, forget it. I will take a loan and go for the kente, then I’ll leave the relationship.” “Ah, where is this coming from? Is this about the kente or do you have a problem with me already?” I asked her. She didn’t respond. She just kept ranting about the kente. I was not happy with her behavior but I managed to calm her down.
After talking to her I borrowed money and sent it to her. That should resolve the issue, right? Well, it didn’t. Later that night, she went to my house without telling me. I was out when she arrived. So she called me in anger again, “Where are you? I am at your place. I am coming to collect my belongings in your room so that I can leave the relationship.” I thought we were done with that subject. Before I could voice my thoughts, she hung up on me.
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I called her back but there was no answer. Instead, she sent me a text, “I don’t feel sorry for our phone conversation so don’t expect an apology from me. I have decided that I can’t be with a drunk, coward, and liar like you.” My only thought was, “If I am everything she says I am, then why was she always praising me for being a good man? Why did she even let me eat her cookie out of wedlock?” I didn’t dignify her text with a response. I just took everything she said in good faith and decided to move on with my life.
She sent me a series of messages after that one but I never responded to them. Now, she is angry and fighting me yet again. She says I gave up on us so easily. She feels sorry for her actions. She wants to see me in person and apologize, but I have refused to see her. I don’t think her apology is necessary anymore. She made me feel she was doing me a favor by being with me so I don’t want her in my life again. I don’t have much experience when it comes to relationships so I want to ask if I am making the right decision. Also, the marriage items I bought are with her. Should I go for them? Or I should leave them for her?
#MyfirstRelationship
—Mel
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#SB
My dear don’t take her back. She is toxic news. You giving her a second chance is like you giving your jewels to a pig . The pig will trample on it since it sees it as a thing of no value. As for the things if you take it back what will you do with it?. Mind you every woman has a list of things that is different from the other. So you can’t take it back and keep it for another woman .she won’t like it. She will think that you are looking for a replacement of your former girlfriend. No one likes being a substitute. But if you do take your things back you can sell it to get your money back. If I were you I will go for things back. It could be that she was using you to buy her wedding stuffs so that she and her boyfriend that you didn’t know about to get married but the marriage didn’t happen so she wants you back. Mind dear don’t go back to her . She is ungrateful. She intentionally use the 300 cedis as a reason to break up with you. By the way thank God for pulling you out of this relationship and exposing her filthy behaviour to you. Good luck. Next time invest in your self and do things patiently. Don’t forget to pray all the time.
I have a strong feeling Esi is cheating on you . She has feelings for someone and you don’t know the person . Per my experience , she is doing this to provoke you so that she will uw it against you to validate her acts. I like the fact that you didn’t respond to her , you have exhibited a high level of maturity and Self control . The reason why she did this is because she feels she is in power after giving you sex . Move on with your life , if possible don’t rush into marriage , get to know more women intentionally to kill time , and when you find the find the right one ,you will settle . Much love from a brother impressed by your story .stay safe king
Hmmmm this life no balance at all,Ohene she came with a mission and is accomplished, so wanna come back for another shege reason,dawg her koraa.she has really disgraced the sisterhood,but you can try love again another tym,all the best.
She said you should not see her parents and get the list right?my brother her parents only know the other boyfriend an not you and you were buying those things for her and her other boyfriend to get married.My advice is go for your things.Don’t abandon them.All she’s saying and doing is a format to make you abandon the items.
This is what I call monkey dey work, baboon dey chop. You’re definitely buying marriage items for someone else’s marriage rite. Take the items back, u can still use it. That your girlfriend has a main boyfriend she wants to marry so she’s using you to get the items. Take your time and know any woman very well before u talk of marriage. Spending forever is not a child’s play so we don’t rush into it pls.