We have been dating for a long time, let’s say five years. In these five years, we have a child, a boy. We have moved in together as a family. In these five years, I have not regretted having his child. I have not cursed him for being a man just because he came out as one. Aside from that, I have not regretted choosing him as my ‘husband’. Husband in quotes because we are still not married, but hopefully soon. Or maybe not.

So here is the thing. When I moved in with him, there were these ladies he used to go and sit with to chat when he was idle. They were there before I moved in and I was not going to stop it. I respected it. I did not have a problem with it. I mean, they were just friends, I presumed.

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Then all of a sudden, that friends group dissolved. I don’t know what happened, why, or how. The worst of it is, there was no drama. Usually, when a friend group breaks, it comes with drama. This one didn’t. No drama, nothing. There wasn’t even any gossip going around.

In that group, there was this lady. She sells noodles in the neighborhood at night. You know the ones in your neighborhood, yes, that one. I don’t think they in particular stopped being friends. I think maybe they did not let the group drama affect their own friendship.

I didn’t complain about their closeness because I knew they were friends. And like I said earlier, I trusted that man. He has been good to me these past years. I never thought badly about their friendship. He goes there to sit and chat with her and comes home very late, as late as 12am. I didn’t see a problem with that.

So one faithful day, a brand new day, I picked up his phone. With all honesty, I was just watching videos on TikTok. Then I decided to go through his WhatsApp chat. Maybe it was the devil speaking at the time, and I should have stopped. But I listened. I opened my eyes wide, my thumbs ready to type into the search bar: love. It was just one of those things, an action that just came into my mind. So I opened the chat between them, and I was shocked.

He sends her videos of couples online showing how love is beautiful. He writes her love messages. Some of the chats were, “I miss you,” “I am coming for your body,” “You look sweet,” “Love you,” etcetera, di3 di3. I called him out on it and asked for answers.

He told me some crumbs. He said they have nothing doing. They are just friends who chat about naughty stuff. He said their chat is just like that, no feelings attached. No feelings attached, se s3n, does he know women? So I told him if that’s the case, then he should set boundaries between them because things are going a bit far. A tight boundary that I can even see clearly, because this one right here is far-fetched. It wasn’t a fight or an argument, just a normal conversation between us. He promised to set the boundaries. We ended the conversation there and moved on with our lives.

Then this December, the last one, specifically from the 24th to the 26th, immediately after he came home from work, he placed his bags down and marched straight out of the room to this woman’s end. He would sit there for a long time, talking about God knows what with her. And he returned home late, ate, and slept.

I know Christmas is for family, for friends, for spending time with them. But I cannot really fathom how he is able to just ignore us. It beats my mind.

So, this time too, I decided to go through his phone again. I had questions about his behaviour, and I was certain I was going to find them in his phone. I checked it. To my utmost surprise, everything was empty. The chats and those videos he sends to her were cleared. I sensed something bad was really going on. This isn’t the man I know. I know these are the early features of a man cheating. So I made a mental note to keep monitoring his WhatsApp chat like a hawk. My eyes were on his phone. When he moved away, I moved to it. It was like some sort of hide-and-seek with him.

I found what I was looking for yesterday. I realized the chats are there, but I don’t know how he does it. Whether he hides them or clears them when he’s home and restores them when he’s out, or whatever. I don’t know what is happening here.

I went through it again and realised indeed they have something going on. I confronted him, and it turned into an argument. He still keeps his stance that they’re just friends who talk about naughty stuff.

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So I am here asking. Is it normal for friends of the opposite sex to have such conversations? Is it that I am allowing jealousy to take over my heart? Or is he really hiding something from me?

People, please help me with the answers to my questions. Because I don’t know what to believe. I don’t want to take any action that I will later regret after the truth comes out. But same way, I don’t want to be a fool and believe what he’s telling me.

—Constance

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