Three years after dating, she asked where the relationship was going. She wanted assurance, but I wasn’t in the position to promise anything, so I told her, “Let’s see what God has in store for us. A year or two from now, something should happen.”

“Marriage?” she asked.

“Not necessarily, but anything at all can happen,” I answered.

She wasn’t working but also wasn’t relying on me. I gave when I could, and she said thank you. She didn’t for once think I owed her anything because I was her boyfriend. That worked for our relationship.

READ ALSO: When My Fiancé Cheated, I Stayed Until The Woman He Was Cheating With Became My Sister

When she had a job, I told myself that I should start thinking about marrying her because there was no reason preventing us from marriage. I didn’t tell her my plans. I thought telling her would make her grow wings. You know, when you make a woman know that you love her that much, she turns to misbehave. That was my thinking.

When she started working, a lot changed. I wasn’t seeing her like I used to see her every day. She said she was busy at work. Even when I texted, she took forever to respond. She rented a new place and moved into it without telling me. I had to find out days later that she had moved. I was hurt, but this was the same woman I didn’t tell my plans. I got to experience firsthand how it felt to date someone who doesn’t share plans with you.

I changed and decided I would be forthcoming. That too, I didn’t tell her. I went to her place one evening, and she was getting dressed. I asked where she was going, and she said a friend had invited her out.

“A man, I guess?”

“No, a woman. It’s her birthday, and she has invited me and a few friends.”

I didn’t feel good about that outing and decided to investigate her. I found messages from a man she had saved as Jude. I checked the man’s WhatsApp profile. I saw a white guy. They’d been to places. He had bought her gifts, and even that night she said was a friend’s birthday, it was Jude taking her out. Everything showed they were dating, except I didn’t read anywhere that they had had sex.

I was so angry and hurt that I was shivering. “Are you dating him?” I asked.

“Yes,” she answered.

Every question I asked, she answered very coldly, as if she meant to hurt me.

“You’ve been intimate?” I asked.

Then she went quiet for a while and said, “I can’t answer that. I’ve told you enough.”

I took it as though she’d been intimate with him and didn’t want to say. I walked out of her door and didn’t look back. The next day, I texted to tell her it was over. She responded, “I didn’t know we were dating. When was the last time you gave me anything? When was the last time you shared your plans with me? I was unemployed for two years. Did you ever ask how I got by? You had sex and thought that was all. I’m shocked you’re calling it over today when it’s been over for a long time.”

It was hard to move on. I didn’t know I loved her that much until I had to break up with her. Weeks later, I was still thinking of her. I’d blocked her but would use someone’s Facebook account to check up on her. She didn’t post, but I felt fine when I took a stroll on her empty feed. This went on for three good months. One late night, I unblocked her number and said hello.

She responded and asked how I was doing. I asked how her new relationship with Jude was going. She asked, “Did you text to ask about Jude?” I said I wanted us to talk. We arranged to meet after work one day. I asked if she was happy with how things turned out, and she shook her head. I asked if she was serious with Jude, and she said she dated him out of curiosity and also because she felt empty and thought Jude could fill that emptiness. They broke up when I broke up with her.

Before the night ended, I apologised for the absence and everything I did while we were dating. She also apologised for her part and the fact that she was the reason our relationship collapsed. I asked us to try again, and she said only if I would trust her again. I said I was a different person, but guess what? When we started again, anytime I had the chance, I checked her phone.

It’s a lot of work growing a relationship after cheating. Your heart is restless anytime she’s away. When you call and it’s call waiting, you feel like dying. But you’ve promised to forgive, so why is it not easy from there? Even when she tried her best to be transparent, I interpreted it differently, but doing this drew me nearer to her. She said she loved how I’d become possessive. It was like a new me.

When I asked for us to marry, I did it cautiously, knowing once a cheat, always a cheat, but I’d also come to a point where she was all I wanted. She had become the only woman who knew me and didn’t guess when it came to things concerning me. I could cough, and she would know what I needed.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

We got married in March 2020. A week later, there was a lockdown. It felt as if our honeymoon had been extended for us. We were in each other’s faces for three weeks straight. We got bored together, trained together, and did nothing but enjoy each other’s presence without interruption.

The day the president finally called off the lockdown, we discovered we were pregnant. Everything was working for our good, as if we were filling in the days we spent apart when we broke up.

Coming back from the trenches of cheating isn’t easy. It worked for me, but I won’t recommend it to anyone, especially the faint-hearted. I’ve been through fire, but I’m happy it all worked out for our good.

#IStayedAfterTheyCheated

—Mark

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