When I realized I was in love with her, I tried every move to get her attention. I remember one afternoon, I walked to her neighborhood, trying to catch a glimpse of her so I could tell her how I felt. For hours I didn’t see her. Then later in the day, I saw her coming out of her house, beautifully dressed in a white and red dress. That was the moment I was waiting for all day but immediately I saw her, courage disappeared and feet got cold. I simply didn’t know what to expect if I approached her. I said to myself, “Next time, she won’t have it this easy. I would just go to her and shoot my shot.”

That next time didn’t come until I got a friend who was also a friend to her to introduce us. She was so receptive I regretted not approaching her earlier. She was the one who asked for my number. She said, “Martin, I hope you don’t mind if I take him?” My friend responded, “You can take him. I don’t think he’ll play hard to get.” We all laughed. She took my number but she never called me. I had to call Martin again and asked for her number after two weeks of our meeting. 

When I called she said, “Heeey Kwame. Good that you finally called me. I forgot the name I used to save your number, that’s how come I hadn’t called all this while.” I said, “Don’t worry it happens sometimes.” So we talked for a few minutes and she promised to call next time. She never called again until I sent her a text. She responded gleefully. All-day we chatted. I told her I wanted to know more about her. I told her I wanted to be her friend. I told her she’s someone I would love to keep around. She responded, “Why not. We could be good friends.”

For close to one month we were closer—talking and texting. One day I told her the story of me being in her area to propose but lost vim immediately I saw her. She laughed and laughed as if I’ve said the funniest thing in the world. She said, “No you didn’t do that.” I said, “Yeah I did that.” She said, “Then you’ve suffered.” I said, “That’s why I don’t want to suffer again. I like you and want you to be my girlfriend.” She asked, “Be truthful with me. What do you really want from me?” I answered, “I want a relationship that would lead to somewhere.” She asked, “Somewhere where?” I answered, “Somewhere nice. Somewhere we could be married.” 

She took a deep breath and said, “Relationship doesn’t really mean anything to me. Today we are together tomorrow we are not. Today, I love you. Tomorrow, I don’t love you anymore. All these swinging emotions don’t help anyone. That’s why after I broke up with my fourth ex last two years, I vowed not to do that again. But I can promise you this, If sex is what you want, hey why not? It’s something we both can enjoy. If you’re good, I’ll come back to you whenever I want it. If you’re that bad, then it’s your loss.” I was stunned. I said, “You’re joking right?” She said, “For me to tell you this, it means I like you so much. I’m not joking. If you’re down with it then I’m down with you.”

“Or she’s saying this to test my true love?” I thought to myself. “I would say yes to the offer and then she would say something like, I knew that’s what you wanted” I told her I loved her truly. I told her I was ready to do everything to have her as my girlfriend. I made a lot of promises but in the end, she said, “No emotions. When you’re ready, we can do this.”

So we had our first and our third fun in just a week. I couldn’t believe what was happening. Each time, she would leave and say nothing to me until say a day or two later. I called one afternoon bearing my heart out to her. That was like five months of being in that relationship. I told her, ”When we do all these without committing to each other, what do we stand to gain in the end?” She said, “There’s nothing to gain apart from the little pleasures we both soak ourselves in whenever we are in each other’s embrace. Stop being a girl.” I wanted more. She was kind and smart. She told me she had never gone on leave for the past three years because she leaves today and tomorrow they’ll call her to return. Clearly, she was doing well in her career but why would a career girl wouldn’t like to be in a relationship?

We kept that relationship going but I never stopped asking for more. I wanted to take her home but she declined. I spoke to some of her friends to talk to her for me but she never listened. And then I got to know her senior brother through an acquaintance. We became friends. I tried to get him to talk to her but anytime I told him he said, “You know that girl doesn’t listen to anyone. If she didn’t listen to you then she wouldn’t listen to anyone. I tried. God knows I tried but this girl wouldn’t say yes to a relationship.

So she started missing my calls one day and never returned them. I went to her house and there was a guy with her. I got jealous. I acted stupidly, I must admit. I said, “So you’ve had another one that’s why you aren’t picking my calls? Is that the reason why you don’t want us to be in a serious relationship? You just want to have the liberty to be changing men?” She got angry and asked me to leave. I was waiting for the guy to say something but he was mute throughout. She pushed me out of the house. Little did I know that that push was also meant to take me out of her life. 

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Later I pleaded. She said, “You had no right to question me on who I see and who comes to see me. You’re not even my boyfriend so how dare you?” No matter what I said or did, she didn’t give me a second chance to be closer again. I don’t know how to call it but whatever existed between me and her ended at her doorstep that day. We were over. 

Four or so months later, I realized she had calmed a bit. She watched my status and I said hello to her. She responded. We talked for so long. I ended up calling her on phone that same day. She confessed, “I started thinking about you in a different way. Like I was getting emotional. It wasn’t good for me so I had to back out before things got out of hand. Luckily, you handed me a perfect opportunity to do that.” I asked, “So why don’t we do it again. I’m still single.” She said, “Nope, I can’t.” I asked, “Do you have a heart at all? This heart that everyone has that pushes them into love, do you have some?” She said, “I’m heartless, I know.”

She got married two years after. I’m still here. I have a girlfriend who is everything a man could ever want but I still think of that girl—that heartless girl who didn’t ever want to have anything serious with me. 

—Kwabena      

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