We were sitting next to each other that day. It was my first time seeing him and he could swear he didn’t know me from anywhere. But that day we were there because we were parents. We were at a PTA meeting where the school authorities were trying to bully us to accept new school fees. We were arguing with them. We were the ones going to pay so we argued from the point of lack of money. You could call us poor and we wouldn’t mind because every statement we made was tainted by poverty; “That increments will make it harder for us to breathe. See, we pay feeding fees, pay for bus, and buy expensive books they never use. We are parents, which means we have other responsibilities. Listen to us and let’s maintain the old fees for now.” 

They were not listening to us. We were not succumbing to their bullying tactics. When this man next to me got up, he said, “My children have been here for the past seven years but nothing around here has changed. The see-saw there broke down when my first child was in class one. She’s in class four now but the see-saw remains broken. Maybe if you started making changes around here, then we would see the need to pay more. You increase fees almost every year but nothing changes around here.” We all agreed with him, and like kids would do when they are having fun in a park, we shouted and chanted. When he sat down next to me, “I said, “That is true. I don’t know why it hasn’t come to mind.” 

From there, we started gossiping about any person from the school who got up to speak. “Look at his shoes, he’s coming to say nonsense.” “Look at his this, look at her that” until the meeting closed. We found ourselves hanging around the school sitting area because we were waiting for the school to close so we could take our kids home. I got his name. Henry. He asked about mine and I told him. He asked how many children and I said one. He told me he had two children and had to leave the office to be there for them. I asked, “Their mother is busy? Or she has travelled?” He took a long breath in and exhaled loudly as if I’d reminded him of an unpleasant story. 

I said sorry even before he said anything. He told me, “Don’t worry. It’s a long winding story but the good thing is we are doing well.” Kids closed and they ran towards us. While I was leaving, he told me he had to wait a little while for his first child to also close so they could go together. I waved him goodbye and left. That was 2020, it meant Covid was just around the corner and life was about to be messed up. When the news broke up about Ghana’s first case, everyone started getting scared. I was thinking about the kids and how they were going to protect themselves. The directives hadn’t come as to what schools should do and questions were being asked. It was during those moments that I met him again at the school.

He called me a friend and I answered, “My friend. It’s been a long time ” we talked about the situation at hand and what we were going to do if the government failed to close down the schools. He took my number that day and told me, “Whatever happens I will call you.” He never called until schools were closed down and the lockdown was announced and the first covid related death was also announced. I wasn’t expecting his call. Life was too busy and scary to wait around for someone’s call. At that moment, we didn’t even know if Covid could be attracted through a phone call. We went around with fear and confusion and when the lockdown was announced, we got lonely.

One day he called. He asked how we’ve been managing. He asked if we had enough food and told me if we needed any assistance we shouldn’t hesitate to call him. I don’t know what gave him the impression that I could be lonely but each time when he called, he asked if we were OK. I wasn’t OK. The company I was working for was hit badly. It started making restructuring that affected everyone because we were home and not working. Finally, when the lockdown was over, I lost my job. He called to ask if I was OK and I told him I’d lost my job. He said, “At this time that things are getting harder? What company would do that to its employees?”

One day he sent me money. He sent a text message saying, “You keep telling me you’re fine and I believe you. This is something small to make things lighter.” It wasn’t something small. It was bigger than my monthly salary. I called to thank him and he told me to take good care of myself and the child. 

He was forty-two, he told me. I was thirty-six years. There was something we didn’t talk about. We didn’t talk about us, as if we were scared to ask questions. I wasn’t comfortable asking about him because the first time I tried, his answer wasn’t a happy one and for some reason known to him alone, he also didn’t ask about my story. 

I got married when I was twenty-five years old. At thirty-two years my marriage collapsed. My husband felt lied to. I wasn’t able to get pregnant and he felt the fault was mine. He even accused me of messing up my womb when I was a girl. He alleged that I got pregnant a lot and got rid of all of them. Whenever we fought, he rubbed that in, “All you know is to fight. Give birth, that’s what’s important.” While outsiders were making fun of me, the man I lived with also made fun of me. 

One day I told him I was fed up and wanted out of the marriage. He was shocked because the announcement came out of nowhere. We hadn’t fought for over a month and all was fine so he couldn’t understand it. I told him, “If I told you while we were fighting, it would have been something coming out of anger and you wouldn’t take me seriously. This is coming from a place of deeper reflection. I don’t deserve what I’m going through and I won’t make you a liar and a cheat because of my situation. You want children. I’ll leave so you can marry any of your side chicks and make babies with them.”

We finalized the traditional divorce on Monday and started the court divorce on Wednesday. On Friday, I found out that I was pregnant. I was so happy about the pregnancy but my marriage was too far gone to be saved. I didn’t want it to be saved and I didn’t want him to use the pregnancy as an excuse to get back to me so I kept the news to myself until the court process went deeper. I was almost four months gone when my mother told him. He told my mother, “You think I’m a fool? Someone got her pregnant and you want to use me to cover her shame? Our marriage is over. I don’t even remember the last time I slept with her so how could she be pregnant for me?” 

I told my parents not to worry about him because I could take care of my own child without his input. I don’t know what descended on him, a month before I delivered. He came with his family to accept the pregnancy. I didn’t fight him or tried to make things difficult. It was his child so I gave it to him. I gave birth and he came to name her. Our child was nine months old when our marriage officially came to an end. 

When Henry finally gathered the courage to ask, “What’s your story?” I told him all that. He asked, “Is he still around? I mean the father of your child.” He wasn’t around. He wasn’t even paying child support. 

Every month, Henry sent me money, mostly something closer to my salary. I asked him, “Why are you doing this? Why do you care so much about us?” He answered, “It’s already hard out there. A mother shouldn’t suffer in this condition because she has lost her job.” I asked, “Henry, is that all this is about?” He answered, “We’ll talk but not now.” 

His kids were home and the caretaker wasn’t doing a good job so he sacked her. He told me he was looking for a good one and asked if I could recommend someone. I laughed at him. “Why is it so hard for you to ask for help, Henry? You know if you ask me to, I’ll gladly do it. I am jobless. What’s a caretaker job that I can’t do?” 

So his kids came to me during the weekday and I sent them to him on weekends. He said he didn’t like the arrangements because he couldn’t live alone without his kids all week before he sees them on a weekend. I went to live in his house with his kids. When he returns from work, I would come back home with my kid. It got to a point my daughter didn’t want to come with me in the evening. I left her there and went there in the morning to continue with my caretaker job. 

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I was in the kitchen cooking supper when he came to sit behind me. He was trying to help but he had something to say than just help. He asked, “Would you like to marry again if you met a man who wants to marry you?” I answered, “Yeah, if only I knew him too well and I was convinced he wouldn’t treat me and my child badly. Why do you ask?” He didn’t answer immediately. Later he said it was just a question but I knew it wasn’t. I asked him, “Do you have someone you would like me to meet? Feel free. I’m a woman. These are things women are made to hear.” He answered, “It’s me that I want you to meet.” I smiled. He asked, “Why? You don’t like to meet me?” I answered, “I want to but I don’t know you that much. You have two kids I love. That’s all about it. How come? What happened? Where’s their mother? Who are your parents? Do you have siblings? Why are you living life as if you’re alone in this world?” 

His wife had an accident and got paralysed. She stayed in the hospital for months. When she was discharged, her family came for her. A couple of months later, his wife died. His wife’s family wanted to keep his children and it turned into a huge misunderstanding. His in-laws had money and wanted to frustrate the process but in the end, he won. His family came in to help but they also had their lives to live. They left him when he needed them the most so he decided to go solo until I came along. 

He opened up and introduced me to his world. I met his family and met his friends. We went to places together with the kids. While they play, we sat somewhere and talked. The kids behaved like they were siblings even before we thought of making things official. 

It was a small wedding in the municipal office. Both of us had had a bigger wedding before and already had photos to prove it. This one was so small even friends were not invited. Only a few family members. We had no time to even date properly. Once we were satisfied with each other’s answers after the proposal, we decided to get married straight away. From proposal to marriage was just a couple of months in between. By the time school resumed and the kids were going to school, they had a new mother. 

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One of the teachers asked why I was the one bringing them to school and coming for them. I answered, “Because they are mine. All three of them are my kids.” She doubted me until I told her my new name. Maybe she saw my ring and got the message. 

To me, this one is better. Both of us had experienced marriage before so we came to this one with knowledge of love, service and understanding that marriage works if only the individuals work. I have a job now but the biggest and the most fulfilling job I’m doing currently is being a mother to these wonderful kids. They call me mom. They call him dad because that’s who we are to them 

–Aboagyewaa

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