Immediately I was born, they knew how great I would become, so they made a plan. They exposed me to pornography and gave me a strong, uncontrollable urge for lust. I had strangers and even non-strangers giving me warnings, but it was like sending a civilian into war and asking him to be careful not to get killed.

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Their plan worked, because at that time my parents had a lot of misunderstandings and eventually separated. I did everything I wanted because there was no one to correct me. Besides, I looked so innocent and responsible that no one would have thought I was involved in such things. The people against my destiny succeeded in getting me spiritually entangled.

Before I completed JHS, me and two other friends were sacked for school fees. That’s how we ended up mistakenly watching adult films. We indulged in self-pleasure and from there, I became addicted to pornogrâphý. I had zero self-control.

When I was in my early teens, three men came looking for me. They called me by my name and said: “You have to be very careful about women. You are destined to go to school and marry abroad. If you are not careful, you will marry, build your house, and have your children right here. You are not going to see us again, but you have been warned.”

Of course, I didn’t listen. I was just a boy who thought happiness was all about how many girlfriends one could have. Things got even worse when I completed JHS as the best student in my school. All the girls liked me because I was handsome, intelligent, and talented. That was when I experienced my first intimacy. I could do it anywhere with anyone at all.

By then, I was already deep into ma(sturba)tion. It had gotten to a point where I could do it even without watching anything. I wanted to stop so I didn’t give up on myself. Gradually, through fasting and prayers, I stopped completely.

I was about twenty-three years of age then. However, I had already gotten myself into a spiritual entanglement.

I mostly woke up wet and tired. I thought it would stop when I quit ma(sturba)ting, but it didn’t. It always came with the faces of different women of all shapes and sizes. I can’t even count the number of times I had to treat STIs. I prayed and fasted, but it wouldn’t stop. Eventually, I resorted to smoking and alcohol.

No one knew what I was going through—maybe because I always looked responsible and innocent. They all assumed I was happily living an upright life.

As I got older, no matter how hard I worked, I couldn’t move forward in life because of this spiritual partner. I thought I could fight it alone, but I couldn’t so I decided to talk to my mum about it so she could help me in prayers. By God’s grace, it worked. Since I confided in her over a week ago, it has stopped coming. I feel free and hopeful.

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Even though I’m twenty-six with no child or children, no certificates or qualifications, no serious relationship, no decent job, not even a place I can call my home, I am thankful I am still alive.

Anyone who knows me would never believe this story is mine because I look calm, confident, generous, empathetic, easy-going, and always stylish. People see me and wish they were me. They have no idea the demons I battle with in secret.

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It has been a whole lot of wasted years, but there’s still a chance to start over again, and I believe the universe will favour me.

However, I’m scared of what might happen next, since I haven’t fully conquered my lust or lack of self-control. Any help?

—Alex 

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