It all started a few years ago when my family and I moved from Tesano to another suburb of Accra after the June 3rd disaster. After moving into our new place, I met a very beautiful girl. She is everything I have ever wanted in a woman. From afar, I could see that she is respectful. I also observed that she is not extroverted. She spends a lot of her time indoors. We are Muslims, and so are they. This made it easier for my family to get close to them. There weren’t many Muslim families in the community so we all stuck together.

Through my family’s closeness to hers, I also got close to Farida. I didn’t waste time in telling her how I felt about her. She also didn’t drag her feet before rejecting me. She didn’t even like me enough to want to be my friend. She just completely shut me down and treated me coldly. I was hurt but I was also determined to keep trying until I win her over. However, my lady wouldn’t change her mind. Every time I tell her, “Farida, listen to me. You are perfect for me. Give me the chance to be your man and I will love you right.” She would just say, “No, I don’t want you.”

After a few more rejections, I gave up my quest for her heart. But I was still in love with her. So it even became difficult for me to freely walk past her house. I would often wonder if this is the day she would smile and wave at me, or if she would frown at me yet again. My only consolation was that her father liked me. So whenever I passed by, I would greet him, chit-chat, and then continue my journey. The man had no idea how I felt about his daughter.

Now, before we moved into this new neighbourhood, my parents were having problems. Well, the problem was mostly my dad. He became a bully overnight. He would pick fights with my mother and verbally assault her, and then leave the house. He would go to God knows where and only return after a few weeks. Whenever this happens, my mother would cry bitterly. The insults made her cry, and the emotional torture of not knowing her husband’s whereabouts also made her cry. I always hated it when she cried.

My father’s attitude continued for some time but I never interfered. Even when I found out that the reason for his sudden change in behaviour was because of another woman, I didn’t get involved. I just did my best to be there for my mum so she wouldn’t feel alone. At a point, he refused to support the home financially. That one too, I didn’t say anything. Then we moved to the new neighbourhood. He behaved well for a while. I thought things had changed. I hoped the bitterness of the past was left behind us.

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We were a normal family again but one day my father decided to get emotionally and verbally abusive toward my mum again. That day I couldn’t sit by and watch him degrade the woman who gave me life. I stood up to him and asked him to stop what he was doing. “The way you are treating her is wrong. As a man, you need to protect your wife, not hurt her. Look at how you are making her cry. Stop it.” This man got angry and directed his anger at me. So we got into a fight. That was the first time something like that had happened.

Farida’s father came to separate us and settled the issue. My dad was still angry so he threw me out of the house. He threatened to kill me if I didn’t leave. So I went to stay with one of our neighbours for over a week. When I got tired, my neighbour took me home and helped me apologize to my dad. He accepted it and took me back. However, things never returned to normal. This issue was what made my mother decide that she had had enough. It led to my parents’ divorce.

It was hard for my family but I had to move on. While I was trying to move on from my parents’ divorce, I still had hope that Farida and I would end up together. We even lost touch for six years but I never gave up hope. I reached out to her six months ago. This time around, we hit it off. She was surprised that I hadn’t given up on her and that I still wanted her. I proposed marriage to her and she accepted it. After six years of pining for her, the girl of my dreams said yes to me. I was over the moon.

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She went to inform her father about our relationship, and the man vehemently objected to it. He referred me back to the incident that happened between me and my dad a few years ago. He said, “How can I allow someone who fought with his father into my family? Young man, look elsewhere for a wife.” His wife also supports him. They don’t care that I was defending my mother at the time the fight happened. They don’t want to know how much I love their daughter or for how long I have loved her. They just believe I am disrespectful and violent. What do we do now? We both want to be together very badly. Farida is on this page. She is the one who even encouraged me to share our story here. How should we go about things to get her parents’ support for our relationship?

–Arafat

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