They say when you’re a virgin you find it difficult to find true love. Most of them don’t even get to be in stable relationships. It is as if modern men are repulsed by women who are walking the purity path. It sounds like a joke but it’s true. I also didn’t believe at first. But then Akwasi broke up with me unexpectedly. His reason for the break-up is quite unreasonable.

I believe in no sex before marriage. When Akwasi proposed to me, I told him this and he understood. We were happy until one day he woke up and told me, “This relationship is not working for me anymore. We should break up.” “What did I do?” I pleaded, “Tell me and let me fix it.” He told me he just wasn’t feeling the love any more. Deep down I knew he was leaving me because he wanted shuperu and he knew I wouldn’t do it.

I was deeply hurt but I just had to let him go. I cried a little and avoided all contact with him. Eventually, I healed and put myself back out there. I was sure that there were many men out there who weren’t like Akwasi. Unfortunately, I met two different people who all demanded sex. One cheated because I wasn’t ready to give him what he wanted. The other one also put a lot of pressure on me. I would be talking to this guy and he would change the topic to something sexual. It became unbearable for me so I left him.

I met Nana Yaw last year. He didn’t propose to me immediately after we met. We became friends first. Our friendship was so close that we behaved as though we had known each other for years. We played, gossiped, and teased each other a lot. Our friendship became very intense until one day when he finally declared his love for me. I also expressed how I felt about him. I was in love with him as well.

He is my brother’s wife’s cousin. So I was concerned that our relationship wouldn’t be acceptable. Although we love each other, I believed that we couldn’t be together because of this. He explained that we could be together if only our parents wouldn’t object to it. Especially my parents.

While he was optimistic about our budding relationship, I was filled with doubts. Culturally, we became family through marriage. So how can I date, let alone marry my family? I went around asking if something like that was possible. I didn’t tell anyone the full story though. They all said, “People like that can be together.” It was only then did I give the green light for our relationship to proceed.

After a while he started talking about intimacy. Although I was keeping myself for marriage, I decided that I would give it to him. I felt ready to do it. He didn’t force me or try to put pressure on him. I am the one who assured him that I would do it. However, when the time came for us to get to work, I changed my mind.

I love him but my religious beliefs are strongly rooted in my heart. In fact, I am a pastor’s daughter. I’m actually always at church. When they preach against sexual sin at church, I feel bad so I decided that wouldn’t go through with it. He felt disappointed and hurt because I broke my promise to him. Things started changing from then. He was hurt so he gave me attitude. I was also hurt because of how he was acting toward me.

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As time went on, we resolved our problems. We became as close as we were again. To avoid trouble, we avoided all topics related to sex. Things were great until he started talking about it again recently. He says, “Every time I see you and I don’t touch you the way I want, it’s torture. Please allow me to do just one.” I thought he was joking so I laughed. To prove his seriousness he repeated his request that I give myself to him.

To open your mouth to say I love you, Is kind of weird

I told him, “Nana, I don’t want to disappoint you again so I can’t make any promises.” He has started his cold behaviour again. I don’t know how to deal with him on this one. My heart is hurting. I want to avoid him but I’m afraid it’s going to affect me in school.

I’m in my final year. I don’t want my grades to suffer because I am having boy problems. That’s why I have decided to tell him that I will do it, but only after I have completed school. I am not sure this is something I want but I am not ready to lose him. So I am hoping by telling him this, he will start acting like a boyfriend again so that I can have the peace of mind I need to complete school. Will it be right to engage in shuperu so I don’t lose the man I love?

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—Abena

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