My husband and I got married in October 2015. Nothing fancy. I designed my wedding and engagement outfits myself. We had both ceremonies on the same day to save money.

My father passed away years before I met my ex, so my maternal uncle wrote the bride price list. I took a look at the whole list, did my own calculations, and discovered it wasn’t even up to 5k. I was upset with him at first because I thought he was giving me away too cheaply. I asked myself “Am I that cheap?” On the engagement day, some of the envelopes were presented almost empty, so we took one envelope and split the money into all the others just to avoid the shame.

After the reception, which was nothing to write home about, the DJ came asking for his money. I was confused because I had been told he was already sorted out. I asked him, “What is happening?” No answer. I guessed there was no time for back and forth, so I focused on looking for a solution, sharp sharp. I asked him, “Do you have money to spare right now?”

“No, I don’t. Do you?” he responded.

If I did, I wouldn’t be asking you, but okay. We were both broke at that point, so we used the cash offerings from that day to pay him.

A few days later, the decor guy showed up demanding payment. Then the photographer. Then the drinks seller.

Hubby wasn’t picking up calls and I was the one facing everyone. You cannot imagine the shame I went through. Looking back now, I wonder how I survived it.

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Hubby was earning more than twice my salary, yet we were struggling. When I pushed for answers, he said, “It is the government. They have not paid us yet. I am even hearing they will not pay us any time soon.” I braced myself for more hard times.

We had been married for barely a month. I was tired. I was completely drained. I deeply regretted getting married, especially knowing I was not even ready for it. I had allowed myself to be talked into it. I kept asking myself, why did I do this to myself?

I had a friend working in the government sector, so I asked him about the salary situation. It turned out to be a lie. I confronted my husband and that is when I found out about the loan. To make things worse, I got pregnant that very first month. So picture this: newly married, broke, lied to, and pregnant all at once.

Then I miscarried. At work.

Less than a week after the miscarriage, I was knocked down by a car while crossing the road on my way to work. I thought the woman who hit me was just a random stranger until both parties met at the police station and I discovered my husband was trying to use my pain and injuries to extort money from her.

I was on crutches from November 2015 to January 2016.

I got pregnant with my daughter during that period. I used to starve during that pregnancy. I developed high blood pressure, which put me at risk of eclampsia. I had a C-section at 8 months and 2 weeks.

And through all of this, he had no savings. Every time I thought money was coming from his savings, it was actually a loan.

The painful part is that I had wanted a small engagement and then just sign the papers. I was assured a wedding would be no problem and that I should go ahead and dream big. I dreamt big; see where it landed us, see? I remember meeting the decor guy, showing him pictures of exactly what I wanted. I went to that venue full of excitement. I nearly turned around when we arrived because I thought we were at the wrong place. Hubby got angry on my behalf and badmouthed the decor guy right along with me. It was only when the decor guy came back to fight for his payment that I found out hubby had told him not to do what I wanted and had chosen the cheapest option himself behind my back.

The marriage lasted one year and six months. That included my pregnancy and delivery.

Looking back, there was no reason to have held on that long. The lies, the deception, and the financial stress killed the love, the joy, and even the desire. I attempted suicide as an escape. The only thing that stopped me was my daughter. I did not know what would become of her. I even thought about taking her with me but I could not bring myself to do it. I was so afraid of what people would say.

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When I finally got tired of living for other people’s opinions, I walked out with my 6-month-old daughter.

That was 10 years ago. I still wonder why I did not leave sooner.

I have no interest in remarrying or having more children. That experience traumatized me deeply.

This story is my response to the lady who found out about a loan on her honeymoon. I went through this same kind of evil. I am not telling anyone to leave their marriage. I am only sharing my experience. Hopefully it serves as a lesson. Maybe someone can avoid our mistakes and build something genuinely happy.

—Cynthia

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