He was in France when we started dating. I didn’t like the long distance, but he assured me that a year later, he was coming to Ghana and wouldn’t need to go back again. If everything went well, we were going to marry and start life together.

I bought into his dreams, and we started off very nicely. We made rules. We ensured communication was consistent, including video chats. He was to tell me about his day, and I would also do the same. Where video would work better than explaining, we should use video.

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I noticed one thing about him immediately when we started dating: jealousy. He was jealous about everything. Though he tried so much to hide it, it leaked through his words and the way he reacted to things. I took notice of that and told myself I would do what would not make him jealous instead of complaining.

If I told him I was sleeping, he would want to see me through video. If I said I was in church, he would want me to put the video on under the pretext of listening to the sermon. I didn’t mind. Love is like that. Everyone handles it differently.

One night, when I was about to sleep, as usual, he asked me to turn on the camera. When I did, he went quiet for a while and asked, “Where are you?” I said I was home. He said, “OK, turn the camera around. Let me see something.”

When I did, he laughed and said, “Oh, you. Even when I’m pulling your leg, you don’t see it.” But after we talked for a while, he said something like, “Is your bedsheet new? I haven’t seen it before.”

Yes, the bedsheet was new, and it was the first time I was using it. “Does it mean you know all the bedsheets I have?” I asked.

He answered, “Even your pillowcases, I’ve counted all of them.”

“Wow,” I said in my head, but a shock wave ran through my heart. I told myself I had to be careful even about the little things if he could spot my bedsheet and know it was new.

Eventually, he came to Ghana. When he was coming, he bought our wedding rings and asked us to marry the following month. I laughed it off. “You can’t be serious, can you?”

After discussing everything extensively, we agreed to get married in November. He had been in Ghana since May, but I was already feeling like I’d lived with him all my life. I was overwhelmed and wanted you to help me make this decision.

When he came to Ghana, there was this guy I lived with in the house. He would help me with manual work, like carrying gas and fixing it for me. When there was a shortage of water, he would help me get some. If it was heavy, trust Mike to help me carry it.

He brought the gas and was leaving the kitchen when my boyfriend walked in. So they both met at the door. They exchanged greetings, and knowing Mike, he laughed broadly because he knew him.

The first question he asked was, “What was that guy doing in your room?”

“He wasn’t in my room. He helped fix the gas for me in the kitchen.”

“That shouldn’t happen again. What’s a man like this doing in your room alone with you?”

I felt he had a point, so I had to find a way to restrict Mike. We went out to a shop where I buy groceries. All the guys in the shop are good people, and they give me excellent customer care. One of them helped with my shopping, and we were vibing like crazy. He even carried the whole thing to the car.

My boyfriend asked, “Why is everyone around here looking for a part of you? Is that how they work here? You’re not going to buy from here again.”

True to his words, that was the last time I bought from that shop. He asked me to tell him whatever I needed, and he would personally buy it for me. He would even bring it before I ran out. I mean, that wasn’t bad.

One evening, I closed from work, and as usual, getting a car home was very hard. I was on the phone with him, telling him about my struggle. Then my boss passed by and asked me to join him so he could drop me close to my house. I told him, “My boss is here. Let me call you.”

While in the car, I called him. He asked for a video call, and I did. It was quite weird because my boss wanted my attention while I was busy looking at the phone’s screen. He stayed on the video without saying anything until I got down. The next day, a few minutes before I closed from work, a number called me. He said he was a taxi driver and my boyfriend had asked him to pick me up.

I quickly called. “Did you send a taxi driver my way?”

“Yes, so you don’t sit in your boss’s car again.”

At this point, I’d had it. I screamed, “Seriously? Everything should go away when you don’t like it?”

“Yes,” he answered. “Everything that threatens our relationship has to go.”

I’ve given myself a long time to think deeply about that statement he made: “Everything that threatens our relationship has to go.” I believe he’s the one who has to go. He’s the only one threatening our relationship. All the other people were trying to help, but he was there pushing away the people who might come to my aid one day.

If I don’t take care, one day he will tell me to kick my dad out of my life because he’s too close or tell my mom not to visit our home because she’s taking up space. To be honest with you, I don’t feel happy. I’m always looking for something he might not like instead of looking for what will make me happy.

I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone

November is not far away. We have our rings ready and a few other things that say we are very committed to getting married, but I want to let him go and let all those things go because I’m scared of the future in this relationship. My heart sometimes tells me I’m being too drastic. My head tells me to go ahead if I want happiness.

It’s a split. Torn between two. I want an external voice. So I’m bringing you in. Please tell me if I’m wrong. Should I stay or walk away?

—Selly

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