Shortly after we got married, my husband lost his job. Did I say he lost it? What I meant was he quit the job. Honestly, I understood why he had to. When he told me one day, “Babe, this job is no longer serving my interest. I am working in an environment that does not help me to grow. And my boss is too chaotic a man to keep working with if I want to preserve my mental health,” I did not question him. We had already had conversations about work.
While mine is peaceful, his came with a lot of problems. Most of which had to do with his boss. There were many squabbles between his boss and other employees. These conflicts happened because his boss indulged in many illegal activities that were dangerous to his employees. How can you have peace of mind working in such a place? That’s why when he finally decided he couldn’t take it anymore, I stood by him. I would rather my husband start searching for a job from scratch than go to jail because he is trying to earn a living.
See, he assured me that he would get another job in no time. Of course, neither of us were or still are oblivious to the high unemployment rates in Ghana. It’s just that my man has always been confident in his ability to charm others with his skills and strengths. I have seen him in action and I know there is no job he can’t do if he puts his mind to it. That’s why I also believed strongly that he would be back on his feet in no time.
As I am writing this story, we’ve been married for two years now. We have a beautiful daughter together. And I am certain that my husband loves me dearly. I have seen him try to prove his love before we got married and after marriage. So I don’t doubt for a second how he feels about me and our child. My problem has to do with money.
Ever since he left his job, I have been holding the fort. I was only doing it with the hope that he would put himself back on the job market and start earning an income to support my efforts. Unfortunately, that has not been the case. After my husband left his job, he did not attempt to get another one. It was only last year that he started job hunting. Even with that, I had to talk and talk before he started doing something. He is not even giving it his best so nothing has come out of it.
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It’s not as if I haven’t spoken to him about it. Push him? I have done that, even to the point of shoving him to get himself out there and be better. Encourage him? I am almost a motivational speaker at this point. Everything I have done and every piece of advice I have given to get him moving on another job has fallen on deaf ears.
I am his wife and mother of his child, but I am not the one he listens to. He only listens to his siblings, and they are not the ones feeling the heat of carrying the financial burden of a household, so they are not moved to counsel him. They rather encourage him to do whatever makes him happy. That’s why my husband wakes up, and does whatever he wants with his time till nightfall. He does everything and anything to give his life purpose except earn money. He is comfortable sitting back while I hustle to keep the home afloat.
When I tell him to do something with his life rather than wasting away, he gives me a list of all the hobbies he indulges in to keep himself productive. I tell him, “These things you are doing bring us very little to no money. I am left alone to foot the bills, pay for rent, food, and everything our child needs.“ I tell him things have to change but he makes no attempt at change.
I had no problem at all doing everything right from the beginning but to keep at it for two years? I am too young to carry the weight of an entire household on my shoulders. He doesn’t listen to me so he is still unemployed till now. I love my husband. I love my child. I don’t have a problem taking care of them, but the fact that I am doing it alone when I have an able-bodied man at home is what I don’t like. Please advise me, because his actions are pushing us apart. What else can I do to get him to listen to me and do what is necessary to take care of his family?
—Caro
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Marriage is an institution setup by God. Go to him in prayer and he will show you the way. He will teach how to do things and how to stay married. Don’t bother telling his family members or anyone apart from God. Because at many times the one’s we tell our problems to are the cause of our woes. Please stop complaining because it won’t get you no where. Rather it makes you bitter. Those who complained in the bible became bitter there fore they didn’t make it to the promise land. Instead of complaining thank God for turning things around despite not seeing any change. Ask him for the grace and strength to shoulder the cross set on you. Even the bible says come to me all ye that are heavy ladden and I will give you rest. Keep on praying and submit your marriage and all that you do into the hands of God.