My mother is married to a man she is too good for. Sadly, she can’t see him for who he truly is. On the few occasions that she does, she is not willing to do anything about it. The last time I visited her, she was complaining about something shameful he did. One of my cousins lives with them. According to my mother, my stepdad has been making inappropriate advances toward the girl.

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My mother was shocked about the situation but I wasn’t. I even drew her attention to the fact that he may have done the same thing to other girls who lived with us. She didn’t want to think that way and I understand that no woman would be in a hurry to think she married a predator.

Growing up, our home has always been full of girls. Apart from having a lot of sisters growing up, I have female cousins who also lived with us. I have seen and experienced enough at his hands to know that taking advantage of those girls is not beyond him.

I am very close to my mum. I have been her confidante since I was a child. She can tell me all her problems but I learned early in life that there are certain things I can’t tell her. For instance, her husband is a man whore who sleeps around with anything in skirts. In our village, everyone knows he goes about sleeping with people’s wives. Nobody says it to her face but I know they talk behind her back. It makes me feel sorry for her.

I remember some of my experiences with the man. It started with me and one of my cousins. He would shamelessly touch our tiny and immature breasts. We were in primary school then so you can imagine see how young we were.

In high school, he suggested I share a bed with him and when I refused he said, “Why, do you think I will do something to you?”

When I stood my ground, he threatened to hurt me if I told my mum.

One night I fell asleep on our couch, only to wake up to someone feeling me up. It was him. I felt so ashamed.

When I went to tertiary school, he didn’t stop. If it was left with just the two of us, he would be his most disgusting self. He would make inappropriate comments about my nyash. One night, I was asleep when he snuck into my room naked. I woke up with a scream on my lips. The moment he saw me he backed away. I quickly locked the door behind him. Since then, I never slept with my door unlocked if he was at home.

That man made sure I never felt safe at home. I was constantly looking over my shoulders, waiting for him to jump at me from the shadows. Unfortunately, I couldn’t tell my mum what was going on right under her nose.

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Now I am all grown up and married, yet I still can’t bring myself to tell her the truth about her husband. I don’t have kids of my own yet but I have a 3-year-old niece who lives with them at home. The little girl loves her grandfather and likes to play with him. Every time I see him with her, I panic. I watch them keenly and ask myself if she is safe with him.

I have kept quiet all these years. How do I now open up to my mother about all the ways her husband abused me? What if she doesn’t believe me? I would hate for what happened to me to happen to my cousin or my little niece.

—Vivian

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