The last time I heard from Thabo was over a week ago. He sent me a message telling me he didn’t have internet data so he would be offline until he got one. I responded with a simple, “Okay.” However, the message upset me. Even if he had to go offline, did it mean we should not talk at all? What happened to texting me to stay in touch? Or a simple phone call once in a while?

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The surprising thing is, he didn’t have these kinds of complaints and excuses when we started dating two months ago. The way conversations flowed smoothly and communication was so effortless, I felt our relationship held a lot of promise. Not a day went by without a WhatsApp call. If he didn’t call, I would call. These days he doesn’t call at all. When I call too he misses it. He wouldn’t call me back either. Then he would come back a few days later and tell me he didn’t have data bundle.

I don’t know what he is up to but I feel like something doesn’t add up. When we first started dating he was quite open about his life. He told me he was in the seminary, training to become a deacon.

“But I have been suspended,” he added.

“Oh, what happened? What did you do?”

He said it was over a silly mistake. He was caught drinking wine and making noise in the compound. I felt bad for him. I asked how he was coping.

“Are you worried that this will interfere with your dream of working for God?” I asked him.

He said he was fine. He found a way to fill his time. “I am being productive,” he assured me, “I found a job at an orphanage.”

I don’t know about you but a man who works at an orphanage sounds like a good man to me. I concluded that he is serviceable, charitable, and loves kids based on this. To me, these traits are necessary for a good husband. But I didn’t want to get ahead of myself just yet. I wanted to get to know him better.

The problem is, I am always the one who asks that we meet. Whenever I do he tells me, “Not now, babe. I am super busy these days. I’ll let you know when I get some free days.” This is someone who told me that he drives the orphanage’s car. Besides, I live 15 kilometres away from him. How busy can he be that he can’t make time to see me?

The next strange thing was when he disappeared two weeks ago. No calls. No texts. Nothing. After three days of silence and unanswered calls, I finally got through to him. That was when he told me, “I used my last money on some expenses, and forgot to buy internet data.”

I asked why he didn’t send a text to let me know at least, or call me on a regular call. He said he was too embarrassed to open up about his finances. “My job at the orphanage is volunteer work. They don’t pay me.”

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It didn’t bother me that he earned nothing from his work. If anything I was worried about how he survived. A few days later, he bought data and we talked on WhatsApp as always.

Things seemed okay. Conversations picked up again. We were back on track, that’s what I thought. But then he disappeared again. After two days of silence, he sent me a text: “Hey sweetheart, I just want to let you know that I don’t have data, but I’ll be back soon!”

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Now it’s been a whole week, and still no word from him. I haven’t texted or called either, because I honestly see this disappearing act as a red flag. I don’t have the energy to be wondering where he’s gone off to every now and then. I’ve decided to consider myself single again and delete all our chats for my own peace of mind.

But I find myself wondering if I am being insensitive to his situation. We have such a strong connection. Am I giving up too soon?

—Sesi

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