My mom is here with me. She has been living with me for over a week. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. She should be living with my father, in a huge house they built together but ever since we left home, things haven’t been the same for them. They fight every blessed day. It gets so bad that they can’t stand each other so one has to leave. A couple of months ago, it was my dad who left home to live with me. He spent eight days with me before he finally listened to our persuasion and went back home to his wife.
While growing up, we never saw them fighting. They didn’t have it all but they had love—love for us and for each other. Dad was working in the government sector. Mom had a shop that my dad set up for her. As kids, we never lacked anything, all the three of us. Two girls and one boy. I was mom’s favourite because I was the last born. It doesn’t mean she treated my other siblings badly and treated me well. She only treated me with soft gloves because I was the baby last.
My elder sister got married and left home. A few years later, my brother had a job outside town and left home. Not long afterwards, he also got married. I was the only one living with them. I never saw them fighting. Dad had retired but was always in the shop with my mom. Mom would go early in the morning. Dad would join her later in the day but they would come home together in the evening. I would cook their meals and serve them. We would sit around the TV as a family and watch until one of us would yawn.
I got a job outside town and left home. That was just two years ago and since then our ears have never known peace. When it started, my mom accused my dad of flirting with a young lady in the church. My dad denied it. He said he was kind to her because the lady reminded him of us. Mom didn’t understand why he was only playful with only that girl in church. She said one day after church, my dad kept her waiting for close to an hour just because of that girl. Dad denied. He said it wasn’t even up to five minutes.
My mom called me screaming on the phone. “Talk to your dad. He’s disrespecting us. At his age, he shouldn’t be chasing girls who are younger than his own children. What does he want? Does he want to die? Does he want the church to laugh at me?” I responded, “I’m not sure Dad would do that. Let me talk to him.”
She got angry, accusing me that I’d chosen to be on my father’s side. I became the villain. She told me, “I don’t know why I’m talking to you about this knowing you’ll support him. I won’t be surprised you’re there living your life like him.” She hung up the call and called my other sister. Two days later, she packed her things and went to live with my sister and her husband under the pretext of visiting them.
READ ALSO: Our Marriage Fell Apart When I Said No To His Crazy Request
My dad denied the allegations. We had a conference call. They all shared their side of the story. Clearly, my mom was overreacting but we couldn’t say it. She was seeing the rainbow because her eyes were watery. We believed our father because he sounded credible with his story. We all asked Mom to go home. We begged before she finally went.
Not too long afterwards, there was another fight. My dad had to leave home to go and stay with my brother and his wife and kids under the pretext of visiting them. It was my brother who later talked to my dad man-to-man before he went home. My mom was nagging my dad to his early grave and he couldn’t stand it. Within a year, our parents took turns running away from each other into our homes. So we had a meeting with them. My sister and my brother told them they were also married and had their own issues. “We don’t run home when we are faced with marital issues so why do you do it?”
They changed tactics. They stopped going to the homes of my married siblings and made this place their sanctuary whenever they fought. The problem is that they are always in a hurry to run from each other when trouble comes.
The shop is losing money. Mom is the financial controller of the shop so naturally she’s the one to answer for why the shop is losing money. Dad asked questions and it turned into an argument. Mom sought to suggest that my dad had no right to question her about the shop’s finances. Dad got angry and accused Mom of using the money to take care of spiritual children. The issue got blown up when Mom responded, “Do you think I’m like you to use the money to take care of small girls?”
The next day he was in my house complaining; “If I don’t take care, I’ll kill that woman so she will rest in peace with her loud mouth. I hate who she has become. She’s turning into a witch but one day, I’ll leave and not go back home again.”
Again, we had to come together and address the issue so my dad would go back home. We have to be tactical so they don’t accuse us of taking sides. They’ve branded us. They say I’m my dad’s supporter while my elder sister is my mom’s supporter. As for my brother, immediately the fight starts, he doesn’t pick up anyone’s calls. He’ll not talk to anyone until the problem is resolved.
It’s killing us emotionally. How can a lovely family suddenly turn bitter against each other? So in the last meeting to resolve their issue, my brother told them, “If you can’t marry again, please break up. We are tired already. Divorce and give us peace. We are your kids. If we run home every time we get issues, would you have peace of mind? Please divorce. We are tired.”
Since my brother made that speech, whenever they fight, they call to tell us that they are divorcing. The last time my mom came to me with bottles of schnapps, telling me she was returning my dad’s drink to his family. Later she told me, “He’s lucky all the people in his family are dead. There’s no one to receive it, I would have divorced him so he knows how miserable he would be without me.”
My dad challenged her to bring the drink to him and it would be over as soon as possible. As I write this, the drink is under my bed. My mom went home when the issue was resolved only for her to return three months later. We are tired. They’ll call at dawn to disturb our sleep. They would call me while I’m in class just to disturb my understanding of what is being taught. People say it’s old age but they are going to be old until they die. Does that mean we should suffer their tantrums until the end?
Is there something we can do to help them? As for my brother, he doesn’t answer their calls. When my dad or mom calls him, he won’t pick up. He’d rather call me and ask, “Your father is calling me. Are they fighting again?” If I tell him they are not fighting, he would ask, “So why is he calling?”
I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It
If I tell him they are fighting he would tell me, “They should kill themselves. I’m tired.” He has developed this strategy to cut himself off their drama but I don’t think he has peace. When it comes, he suffers the consequences too. If anyone here has the experience, please help us. How do we stop them from this Tom and Jerry act? It’s like they are fighting all the fights they didn’t fight while they were young. It’s scary.
—Adoma
If you have a compelling story to share with us, you can email it to us at [email protected] or send us a voice note on WhatsApp number 0593290182.
******
Buy them pets, maybe a dog or cat. One of them might want to take up gardening or some other hobby. Instead of fighting together, they might also want to play games together, so buy them some adult games, Scrabble, Ludo or even chess.
George is right. They need a distraction. Once their babies flew out of the nest, they had too much time on their hands and no joint responsibilities which will force them not to subordinate theirs. I think they need more of your attention. Resolve among yourselves to call them daily and if you can afford it plan a getaway for them. And keep calling oo. If one gets on the other’s nerves without your intervention, another wahala oo (lol)
My dear sometimes the actual problem that they are facing now might be sexual. Your Dad is still active and your mum because of menopause her vaginal walls might be wrinkled. This becomes uneasy for her to have sex. While sex now is enjoyable for your dad your mum might be experiencing friction and discomfort hence she might deny him sex. Your mum is accusing your father of cheating with that girl in church because she fears your dad might be drawing near that girl to obtain what she can’t give. Please look for KY jelly for your mum. She can apply small amount of the jelly into her vagina before your Dad goes in. She will be fine. Better still get her lidocaine gel. It’s equally good. With both gels your dad can also rub some on his joystick for easy penetrations. All the best 😃
This story made me laugh 😂😂😂😂
What a funny and lovely couple.
*I dare you to bring the drinks to me and it would be over as soon as possible* your dad
*He is lucky that all his family members are dead so there is no one to take the drinks back* 😂😂😂😂😂😂
If your brother and sister have children. They should allow two of their grandchildren to live with them. Who knows it might change things
The solution is very simple. Ask dad to take over the shop and home finances. Currently, your mother feels that she is the one providing. Women are not good at providing.
Let your parents read the comments here especially the one from Akosua Ntow… case closed
You guys should wade in and solve these issues once and for all. If anyone of your parents die untimely now, you all will be made uncomfortable while trying to make the living parent comfortable and this may result to another sudden death of the remaining parent. Thereby making you all an orphan caused by you all inability to solve your parents problems. Sit them down and ask questions in order get a lasting solution.