Three months into our new relationship, she got pregnant. That wasn’t the plan. We were settling into each other’s comfort. We had spoken about the future but it was a distant dream. Although I was crazy about her, I was in a place where I wanted to further my education abroad. I had applied to some schools and was applying to a few more. Regardless of all these plans, we agreed to have the baby.
First comes marriage, then comes baby. That’s the traditional way to do things. However, baby came first for us. I told her, “I need time to prepare for the marriage rites so be patient with me. When the baby is born, we will do what needs to be done.” She is an understanding person. That’s one of the things I like about her. “I don’t mind waiting as long as you give me the wedding of my dreams,” she answered. “I will do my best for us to have a memorable day,” I promised.
I went with my family to officially introduce ourselves to her people. Just as I already promised her, my family also promised her family we would perform the necessary rites once the baby was born. We then performed the knocking rites and received the marriage list. While I was providing for her needs throughout the pregnancy, I was also buying the items on the list. I still managed to put some aside for the marriage ceremony.
I don’t earn much. I bring home GHC3,500 at the end of each month yet I have so many responsibilities. My responsibility to my fiancee aside, I pay my younger siblings’ school fees. I am a man. I am expected to provide so I don’t complain. I stretch myself thin and even bend backward if that is what is required of me to do to provide.
Our baby is three months old at the moment. I have bought seventy percent of the items on the list. I was working toward the rest of the items when I received incredible news. One of the schools I applied to sent me an offer letter. I won a fully funded scholarship to study for my masters abroad. This is the kind of life-changing opportunity I have been praying for. I couldn’t believe I even got it. I had to keep pinching myself so I would know I truly wasn’t dreaming.
When I shared the news with Akosua she was happy for me. Nonetheless, she asked, “I hope this opportunity is not going erase our plans.” I assured her, “We will still get married as planned. It’s just that we will have to cut down on cost. Instead of having two ceremonies (our traditional wedding, and the white wedding), let’s just do one ceremony.” I explained to her that I had to use some of the money to fund my travel expenses.
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“You promised me my dream wedding. How can that happen if you are proposing only the engagement ceremony? No, I won’t agree. I want both.” I tried to get her to see things my way but she stood firm in her decisions. She wants me to spend all the money on two ceremonies, so I would go for a loan to secure my visa. This doesn’t sound financially wise to me.
If I had external support from my relatives, maybe I would have given her everything she wanted. But that hasn’t been the case. I am the only one doing everything for myself while there are others depending on me. How am I supposed to please everyone and still look after my needs?
I Didn’t Tell Anybody Because I Enjoyed It
I believe the one person who should stand by me and help make things easier for me is the woman I plan to marry. Unfortunately, she is the one person who does not wish to yield her desires for the sake of my education. I am sure she wouldn’t mind if I married her and lost the opportunity. I have tried several ways to make her understand that if things get better for me, her life would improve too. She hears me but I know she is not listening.
We are at an impasse. I don’t know how to get through to her. I don’t also have time on my side. I need to secure my visa as soon as possible lest I lose the opportunity. I don’t want to disappoint Akosua either. What do I do?
—Dan
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Bro Akosua is being unreasonable please insist on the traditional marriage and latter sign in court and secure your visa. She will come around after you have settled abroad. Wishing you all the best.
Totally agree with @Ruth
My dear please cut your coats according to your size. If you can’t afford an extravagant ceremony settle for something simple and modest. Concentrate on securing your visa for your studies. One thing this young generation always forget is that marriage is not about only the wedding day. Marriage is about life after the wedding day. Focus on the life ahead of you and don’t give in to momentary pleasure.
It’s important for her own sake for you not to lose the offer otherwise you will resent her for it and ultimately deny her of your support in the future. Get her parents to reason with her or any other person she regards.
Every letter, word, sentence and paragraph; I agree with!
If u think extravagant marriage is important, my bro try being broke at some point in life and u will testify 😁😂
I just don’t know why some people wouldn’t want to compromise at all. Akosuah still wants to eat her cake and have it. Bro, opportunities they say come but once. Seize this opportunity, go and study and better your life and she herself would be proud of you not in too distance future. However, don’t lose focus of her love and sacrifice for you please. Perform the traditional wedding before leaving the country and when you’re back and financially stable, you can perform the Marriage Blessing Ceremony.
Thank you.
It’s important for her own sake for you not to lose the offer otherwise you will resent her for it and ultimately deny her of your support in the future. Get her parents to reason with her or any other person she regards.
How much is she contributing to her dream weddings. You have at least supported with almost 70% let her add the 30%. If she can’t then she should accept what you have to offer. Most dreams weddings of ladies they also contribute towards it not just the man’s money especially when he doesn’t earn much. Don’t succumb to her if she is not adding a dime. Do what your money 💵 can reach if she doesn’t want let her wait so you go n study come back get a good job and give her that dream marriage she wants
Get both families involved if she can’t see the big picture. You don’t want to live in regret and resentment. There are years later anniversaries in all extravaganza because people couldn’t have their dream weddings.
Akosua should wear a reasoning cap and secure future first and not wedding ceremony for some hours. Do the traditional rites and ignore her and secure your visa and japa….
Too much meat no dey spoil soup.
I go still add.
Stand by these offers:
1. Traditional wedding and signing at court so you do extravagant wedding on 5th Anniversary thus if you survive that.
Or
2. Travel and return after school for the E- wedding
Please concentrate on securing your visa and future. She’ll come asking for only the traditional one when she gets to know you’re on your way. Later she’ll feel proud of you when you complete and have a better life. All the best.