I broke up with my girlfriend a month ago. Our relationship wasn’t long, but it gave me something precious: memories I’d never experienced before. Moments I got to share with a girl for the first time in my life.

Thinking about those moments still hurts sometimes. It hurts because I gave myself completely to that relationship. I kept giving and giving until there was nothing left to pour out. I emptied my cup, but I wasn’t getting nearly enough back. Love, care, selflessness, support. All of it flowing one direction.

Looking back now, maybe I jumped in too fast. Because as time went on, I started to see and experience behaviors I hadn’t noticed from a distance. Things that had been hidden behind the excitement of something new.

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At first, I was patient. Calmer. I took every mistake and misunderstanding in stride, telling myself, “It will get better. She’s learning.” I genuinely believed that.

But I couldn’t understand why it kept happening. Why she would keep doing things that hurt me, over and over again. It felt like pouring water on a rock. Like I was wasting my time trying to make something grow in soil that couldn’t sustain it.

Over time, something in me started to shift. I got angrier. Sometimes at her, for repeating the same behaviors she’d promised to change. Sometimes at myself. Because when you’re in a relationship, you open yourself up to being hurt by your partner. And I got angry at myself for staying in a situation where I kept getting hurt, again and again.

I noticed I was changing. I wasn’t the same person I’d been when we started.

The dishonesty. The emotional blackmail. Words that never matched actions. Past mistakes repeated like they’d never been discussed before. The list kept growing longer.

I think my eyes really opened to who she was after I found out she’d been dishonest with me about certain things. I can’t share the details because they’re too personal, but what hurt even more was when she told me she’d planned to keep those things from me forever. She would have let me build a future with her based on an incomplete picture of who she really was.

Meanwhile, I’d been an open book. There was nothing I held back from her. She knew things about me that my closest friends didn’t know. I’d shared parts of myself I’d never shared with anyone.

I gave her so much priority that even my friendships started sinking. I know it’s not wrong to prioritize your partner, but there needs to be balance. I didn’t have that balance when we were together. I’m lucky my friends are still here, honestly.

In the end, all that’s left is pain. But I’m certain I made the right choice. Of course, there’s a small part of me that still doubts. That’s natural, I think, because what we had meant so much to me. I genuinely opened my heart to someone. I saw a future with her, right up until the layers started peeling back and revealing what was underneath.

I’m telling this story for two reasons.

First, because I’ve noticed something through my own experiences and through watching what happens to others: a lot of women lack accountability. I know that might sound harsh, but it’s what I’ve observed. And it’s made these situations harder to navigate.

But more importantly, I’m telling this story because I want anyone who reads it to understand that men can be in bad relationships too. And it’s okay for us to leave.

I’ve watched women leave bad relationships. I’ve even seen them leave good ones. And they’re applauded for it. They’re praised for choosing themselves, called queens, told that “men aren’t all that anyway.” But when a man leaves, suddenly he’s the bad guy. He gets labeled with all sorts of names, painted as the villain regardless of what he actually went through.

I don’t want applause. I’m not looking for validation or praise.

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I just want people to understand that men are human beings too. We feel. We hurt. We pour ourselves into relationships and sometimes come out empty. And we have every right to choose to leave a relationship that’s draining us, hurting us, or slowly destroying who we are.

You’re just human.

—Dabo

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