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My wife has asked me to tell my father to stop showing up at our house unannounced. As she put it, “Pass your message across so he understands that he is allowed to visit, but he should try to call before coming over. And he should stop trying to give instructions whenever he comes around.”
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Whatever I say to my father, I have to make sure I don’t ruin the healthy relationship between him and my wife. I want them to continue getting along, but I also need my wife to be comfortable in her own home.
I live and work abroad, so I have little to no idea what exactly has been happening. But this is the situation. We have a two-year-old, and my wife is still nursing a baby. Sometimes, the baby doesn’t sleep at night, and the only time my wife gets to sleep later in the day is when she can find a little time for herself while the baby sleeps.
According to my wife, that is usually when my father shows up unannounced. Before he even gets into the house, he is already making noise, waking almost everyone up. This has become a regular occurrence, and it is beginning to affect her.
My wife needs her sleep. She is already dealing with sleepless nights and the demands of caring for two young children, so the last thing she needs is someone showing up unannounced and disturbing the little rest she gets.
I understand that my father may not see anything wrong with what he is doing. He may simply feel comfortable enough to visit his son’s house whenever he wants. But my wife is the one dealing with the situation, and I cannot ignore how it is affecting her.
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I want a happy wife and a happy dad, but how do I explain this to my father without making him feel unwelcome or causing him to think badly of my wife? I don’t want him to feel like she is turning me against him. At the same time, I don’t want my wife to feel like I am not standing up for her when she needs me to.
How do I handle this situation without creating a problem between the two people I love?
— Ben
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You sure say madam no dey hide something? You cannot trust this daughters of Eve. It’s really about your father coming unannounced or she fears she may get caught in something fishy? Ask her whether the same rule applies to her parents when they want to visit. My guy look well before you decide what to do with this matter.
The situation your wife is in, is really frustrating. I remembered after my wife resumed her maternity leave, I took leave from work to be with the baby while she goes to work. I fought with every noise maker on the compound.
Akwesi may have a point too and we’ve also read stories here where father-in-law also harass daughter-in-law.
All 3 is possible.
If it truly the disturbance, tell you wife to first share her concerns with your father. If it falls on dead ears, then you add your voice to the matter. Its best when you speak with your father when he is aware of your wife discomfort.
All the best bro
I dont think she has a point, your father doesnt stay in that house so what at all is her problem. The man only visits once a while so she needs to get used to that and cope. Dont go and ruin the relationship you have with your father over this stupid issue you will regret.
So does your wife complains to you everyday when the baby makes her sleepless at night.
It would only be an issue if the man stayed there, but in your case he doesn’t.
A parent is an honourable being in our lives that deserve utmost respect, dont belittle them because of something as insignificant as your wife’s sleep.
Your father is not your play mate that you should be advising him over little things.
Abdul, your comment is so insensitive, you have clearly never raised children before, if you have, you would understand her. Of course there may be other factors to this, but if she is actually getting affected, something needs to be done about it. She respects her father in law, that is why she is going to her husband about the issue, instead of simply confronting her father in law. And by the post, I doubt her father in law visits “once in a while”, he is probably there most of the time, which is fine, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of someone’s health. One who is nursing a baby at that.
You clearly have not raise kids before…maybe not even married like you won’t be saying this.
What impudence! I presume your wife is wife is not working hence she can afford afternoon naps. Papa is obviously concerned about your physical absence and is also a compensating with his visits and that is a unless there is more to to the story. Probe is some more. But if there is nothing to it, then she is is making a mountain out of a molehill.
your wife is talking trash
YOU ARE TALKING TRASH.
Most of you talking have not raised kids yet or you have kids but don’t help your wife raise them .
The stress isnt easy especially when they’re toddlers, waking up every 30 minutes and sometimes I see my wife sitting all night breastfeeding the kid till daybreak and it breaks my heart, I sometimes take the kid from her byforce so she can rest a little.
Your wife should sometimes lock the door and ignore him when he comes knocking so she can sleep a little. If she does it occasionally, your father will get the message and fall in line .
I understand he wants time with his grandkids but there should be space in between the visits .
Also ,she can allow him in,leave the kids with him and go take a nap whiles th3 old man plays with his grandkids .She can even take the nap on the sofa whiles he is there for him to understand the message but dont tell your dad not to visit them ,he is keeping them safe .