This is what happened. When we were about to get married, I was short on cash. I was very honest with her. I told her I was short on money and couldn’t pay the bride price her parents were asking for, so we should go and ask for a reduction. She told me that would send the wrong signal to her family, that the man coming to marry her wasn’t ready and might not be capable of taking care of her.
She agreed she was going to support me. The word she used was “support.” “I will support you so you don’t have to go and negotiate,” she told me.
A few days later, she gave me the full amount her family had requested as the bride price, telling me to settle everything so we could marry in peace. I did exactly what tradition demands, and we had a beautiful marriage ceremony.
We’ve been married for over eight months, only for my wife to ask me to pay back the money she gave me to pay her bride price because, according to her, I’m no longer in a difficult financial situation.
I asked, “What money? The same money you gave me as support?”
She said, “Yes. It was a loan. I didn’t want any embarrassment, so I helped you out.”
I said it was support.
She said it was a loan.
“Loan.”
“Support.”
“Loan.”
“Support.”
We’ve argued over this for more than a week. She’s hurt. She says I’m bullying her just to keep her money.
“Which woman in her right mind pays her own bride price?”
I answered, “Good women support their husbands all the time.”
Because of this money, we hardly talk these days. She sleeps on the couch because she doesn’t want my skin to touch hers. She calls me a bully and has sworn never to take my words seriously because, according to her, I’m not a man to be trusted.
I Called My Girlfriend And Another Man Answered The Phone
I can pay the money, but if I do, I’ll struggle financially for a while. That’s not even the main issue. I feel she’s manipulating me into paying back what she freely gave me simply because she now thinks I’m in a position to repay it.
Is it fair the way she’s handling this issue? Would you repay such an amount if you found yourself in the same position?
—Nicholas
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Massa! Can you hear yourself? Pay up or give up the pants in the marriage, haaba! Incredulous! How can you expect the woman to pay her own bride price? Negotiate a payment plan and make sure to respect it, otherwise you can kiss your marriage goodbye.
Hmmmm
I’m a bit surprised. The first step to marriage is getting the marriage list from the lady’s family. Then you(man) start buying the items listed one by one including getting the cash gifts till you are done. Then, you start paying for refreshment, venue, attire etc etc…
How can you not have money for the former but have money for the latter?
If you are not financially sound, you do a moderate ceremony.( do the traditional marriage and sign in the pastor’s office) It is also called marriage. No one will kill you.
Why do you put yourself under unnecessary pressure and financial burden.?
Comment One
A) My brother, you have brought yourself paaaaa! Chale, I understand the frustration, but why not just put your ego aside and ask for time to repay? Sweet words can calm this situation down! Massa, think about it.
B) And to the men, be careful about letting a woman finance things for you if you cannot afford them. Just let it wait. Otherwise, she may use it as leverage later to bargain away mutual understanding.
Comment Two
For those who do not understand the man, look at where he is coming from.
In our typical Ghanaian setting, the financial demands on a man are massive, from rent and feeding to medical bills and clothing. If a man is carrying all these heavy expenses, plus the overwhelming majority of the wedding costs, it is completely unfair for the lady to suddenly demand repayment for the small fraction she contributed to the ceremony. When you look at the total contribution, her sudden demand is simply unjust.
Oh my God you will ruin your marriage with your selfishness and audacity… Who pays their own bride price?? Because that is what your wife did. You didn’t pay a dime of it. For self respect please refund her money.
Shame on you for saying that that is support. You’re lucky to have such a woman but you will destroy that support because of your huge ego then start complaining that your wife never lifts a finger to support you.
PAY BACK WHAT YOU OWE THAT WASNT SUPPORT THAT WAS A LOAN AND TAKE IT AS SUCH!!!